sabotaging love & joy

The goal is to go to bed earlier, get up earlier to start the day intentionally walking into it rather than stumbling broken into it.  This is just one thing on the list of goals that don't get accomplished lately. And when I spill my tired body into bed at night I instantly feel like a failure simply because I'm in bed later than I would've liked.  The loop begins again in the morning with waking up later than I wanted and many of the goals get backwashed... more failing.
It robs me of joy, which is a fruit of the Spirit.  My choice to sabotage my God-following intention kills the chance of victory, which in turn begins to rot the fruit of Agape Love in my heart.  Choosing-- it's all about choice. Choice to let God love me, then choice to love Him in return; having done that my desire to obey Him grows... and He grows the fruit in my life by cutting off what isn't.  This pruning is necessary to gain fruit... right now I'm being pruned to grow the fruits Love & Joy.

John 15: 1-4, Jesus said, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.  Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."