fix it

The phrase ‘I need to take time before time takes me,’ keeps ringing in my ears.

I’m pulling double duty with a few things in my life right now and I really, really, really don’t have time to do it all.   Good thing I’m saying goodbye to some of it!! I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to make it work.  I am seeing; however, that time vanishes &  relationships are the most important thing in your & my lives!

I feel like I’m harping on the same thing I’ve been talking about all week, but I suppose God is having to talk to me about the same thing each day.  I can see what I want my days to look like, but getting there is a bit of a challenge.  I’m going to put this out there for your accountability, so if you see me, ask me if its done!  I am going to fix my "days" (which includes: devotional time, homeschool system, exercize, meal planning etc...) and ‘trash’ my house (I think I talked about ‘trashing’ in the post “Just Breathe”) around all the craziness going on here over Easter weekend!  This is like a crossroad of either I'm going to fix it or I'm not, either way I've got to move on.  If you join me in this challenge, please let me know! <3

Happy Easter!

Makeovers

This morning when I was at the gym, I glanced up at the TV and noticed women on a talk show showing off their new made over looks. I’ve always loved makeovers, women just seem so excited about getting a fresh new look and their spirits seem to be more settled. I love it.  I think that’s why I loved being a Beauty Consultant for the past 6 1/2 years; makeup and beauty advice are my thing... or was my thing. It is so much fun for me to give a woman a makeover that lifts her spirit!! Watching makeovers on television is so much fun, I just digest the information and give it out again.  I can make a woman who is over 40 look 5 years younger with makeup alone. Its amazing how just a few changes can make such a huge difference!!

1 Samuel 16:7 “God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (NASB).

It seems to me that women were born with a desire to want to feel beautiful and man does look on the outward appearance. We can get a huge dose of confidence from a makeover, and that is great!! If you haven’t ever had one with someone who knows what they’re doing, you should definitely take the time!!  It seems that more and more of us are not taking the time; moreover, ignoring our outward appearance to the line of social acceptance. Sometimes its the season to take less time than it is in another season, like as a stay at home Mom compared to being part of the “work force”, for instance. The heart; however, needs constant attention.

I’ve noticed in my own life over the years I got to the point of ignoring my inward appearance, my heart.  I struggled with depression & suicidal thoughts overwhelmed me; I shut down and buried myself in things that would keep me from thinking at all.  The end of the day when I’d crawl into bed to go to sleep was a very dark time frame in my mind, body, & spirit, because it all came into focus. It was as if I hadn’t bathed in years, & all grooming efforts went out the window.  My mind, body, & soul needed rescue & an emergency makeover!   In January 2012, I was kind of lost and I started praying that God would take me back to the joy of His salvation, as the psalmist did in Psalm 51:12, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”  I had absolutely NO CLUE how in the world I’d’ ever get there, but I figured it was worth a shot to pray since God is God and probably knows what He’s doing even if I don’t know.  It was definitely worth praying!! God please bring me back to the joy of Your salvation. That was it, I’d stop praying after that one sentence.

At the beginning of March, God put me in a position to cross the line, to jump in the suds and come out with a fresh new look. The funny thing about taking a bath in His Love & allowing Him to groom us is that it should to be done daily.  Our natural tendencies can get us ‘stinking to high heaven’ spiritually if we don’t bathe in His Word, allowing Him to transform us, growing fruit of the Spirit in us & giving it out to others again, that they may know the ‘good news’ of God.  In this past month, I’ve had to come to terms with some of my spiritual immaturity. For starters, I’m recognizing past tendencies to get angry with Him if something bad or unexpected happened.  Closeness with God or doing the right things, does not mean everything is going to be ‘peachy’, life on earth is still just that, life.  Life can be painful and messy, but what God does promise is that He’ll be there for us to carry us through it. He can handle our anger, that’s not the issue, the issue is thinking God must owe me something if I live clean OR thinking He must hate me if I fall into sin.  Neither is true. He wants to be in a loving relationship with us, which includes doing things for the other simply because you Love them and it includes things happening that make the other sad or angry & still resting in one another’s love.  God is so much bigger than we could ever imagine. He is perfect, holy, He is Love, mercy & grace, He knows everything & sees everything, He knows what the best thing is for us and wants to get us there & so on; these things are difficult for the human brain to wrap itself around, but that doesn’t make it less true. Its easy to deny that we have problems, or hatful thoughts, or wrong actions, but if we were all more honest we would all know that we are not alone in having these negative traits! No one is perfect; so lets discipline ourselves to allow God to truly make over our  minds, bodies and souls that we would fully Love Him as He Loves us & so that we can truly be transformed.

Thank you, Lord, for carrying me daily.

How He Loves Us

I had this song on my mind all day yesterday. The end of the day came and I asked the Lord what He wanted me to write about for today's entry.  For the past couple of days I've been praying about how to stay with Him, in His Love, abiding with Him, praying without ceasing.  The daily tasks aren't going anywhere; I can't lay on my living room floor in worship or sit Bible open studying His Word 24/7, life doesn't work like that.  So.. how how how??  How He Loves Us!!!  I can sing (not great) but I can sing with my heart in worship to Him/ about Him receiving His Love doing many of the things I need to do throughout the day.  If you come to my house you may need to bang on the door for me to hear it because between 4  children & worship music blaring we might not hear you otherwise.  :)  so... music, trashing my house (read post "Just Breathe" to learn about it), praying God would show me what I need to hear from Him before daily reading scripture... taking down high places, simply talking with Him all throughout the day (this is the main thing I MUST DO MORE OF)  Getting to know Him more has everything to do with leaning in to Jesus and truly abiding in His Love all day long, everyday.Why would I not worship?  Why would I not read His Word?  Why would I not talk with Him all the time?  It is so easy to get distracted & all these distractions can lead me all the way to the end of the day when I finally come to God.  Lord, please carry me daily, helping me fight off the distractions that so easily steel my focus from You, I completely realize that doing life with out You is not an option for me.  Thank You for Loving me God!
So glad He Loves Us!!

click the link to hear the song that's been playing in my mind all day, the words are below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO-Cp2kcFjc

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And O how He loves us
Oh, O how He loves us
How He loves us all

Yeah He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves


We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

And O how He loves us
Oh, O how He loves us
How He loves us all

Yeah He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves

Love & High Places

For the past few months I’ve been reading through the Bible along with the book “66 Love Letters” by Larry Crabb. It has been really cool to see how God was there for His people anytime they called out to Him.  James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (ESV).  They sinned big, but when the rubber hit the road they’d go back to God and He would draw close to them. The same is true for us, it doesn’t matter what my (your) sin was/is, when we call on God to forgive us or to Love us or anything else, He draws close.  He even helps us to Love Him more because He Loved us first. I Love this attribute (among others) of God! I don’t know about you, but I get a huge dose of encouragement with how much He Loves Us and  that He’d even bother with us after all the grief we cause Him. Loving God! <3

I’m in 2 Kings now.  Honestly, it is kind of monotonous to read; however, today when I started reading I took the right approach.  I prayed and asked God to show me something I need from what I’m reading.  I’m in the part that talks briefly about each king and then says that what they did is written in Chronicles. I was a little unsure if I’d get anything... I don’t know why.  It really didn’t take long for God to show me a point that He was making. With each king it said whether he loved God or not and then if He did it also said, but he didn’t take down the “high places” where people worshiped other Gods & it caused the people to sin against God; at least, its like that with each king through chapter 15. If I allow “high places” to stay in my life, they will indeed keep me in bondage and from accomplishing God’s perfect plan in my life.  I have a sneaking suspicion that He will be asking me to tear down some “high places”; I’m a little nervous.  I feel like I’m kind of craving some not so healthy things, that are not in my life during the lent season (like sugar, among a few other things not related to food) and I’m wondering if He is going to ask them of me due to my ridiculous addiction.  Then again there could be ‘high places’ that I’m not totally aware of.  May the God of All knock them down!! 
hm. stay tuned, I sure am.

Just Breathe

This week I’ve gotten to the end of each day feeling like I’ve held my spiritual breath all day.  I’ve read less than 1/2 of the amount of scripture I was reading each day the previous 3 weeks.  God was really moving in my heart challenging lies I’ve believed for ages, bringing me back to His truth. I was feeling more spiritually satisfied than I have in some time.   This week has been different.  If I have read scripture in the morning, I don’t think I let it stick or have prayed for God to show me something I need through it.  The day rushes by everyday, then when I sit down and think back over the day searching for something God is teaching me, I’m stumped.  It is occurring to me, that I’m holding my spiritual breath all day.

God is like oxygen; we need Him to breath spiritually. Matthew 4:4 Jesus said, “‘People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”  ... we live on ‘EVERY WORD THAT COMES FROM THE MOUTH OF GOD!’ How long can you hold your breath?   We all know that oxygen is an element that keeps us alive, with out it we would die.  I realized yesterday that I’m not breathing Him in and out, totally inhaling His Love & His Presence all throughout the day. Without Him I will start to die spiritually again, and I’m not interested in traveling that road ever again! It is painful & my understanding of God got totally distorted and went completely against who scripture teaches He is, because I stopped breathing spiritually. 

God breathed His words through all the different authors of the Bible, this is the first place I MUST go to breath in or consume His Words.  The Bible is the “living” Word of God, it can speak into our lives what we need when we need it.   God also speaks to our hearts in prayer, when we listen.  I feel like I need to do more of this. I get so caught up in my daily responsibilities I’m not sure if I’ve talked with Him at all since the morning.   I probably haven’t.   .... This morning I was praying about how to breath Him in all day, because there is something I feel that needs to be added.  A friend texted shortly after, talking about holding her accountable to “trash” her house, because she wants to be reminded of who she is in Christ throughout the day.  To “trash” your house you simply write scripture you need on index cards and post them in places you would read them throughout the house. I’m going to do this again too! It lives fresh in us all through out the day with constant reminders right in front of us. Learning to “pray with out ceasing” is also a solid way to breath God in throughout the day (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

Lord, please carry me daily, teaching me how to breath You in & to consume Your Words.

My Full Quiver

Something that I generally feel determined about is deliberately spending time with my children.  I believe that if they grow up knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that their parents love and adore them that they will become confident, well adjusted adults.  I try to make consistent strides toward this.

Yesterday I got a little wake up call from my husband.

Like I said a couple days ago, I get easily caught up in all of my “to do’s” barreling ahead to get it all accomplished so I can spend time with my family or doing whatever I do to wind down.  For the past couple of weeks... months... I’ve felt about 2 weeks to a month behind on so many things. I try to not think about it and just chip away at what’s in front of me; if I focus on it for even a second it can wash me away.  We prefer for Saturday to be family day, but different things have ended up taking most of the day up this year: Madelyn took a dance class for 8 wks, then the last 3 Saturdays took time to get necessary things done.  Its been a while since Saturday was family day.

Time to get my weekly plan sheet out again and make a plan as a couple so team work toward quality family time ensues.

Proverbs 20:7, “The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him” (KJV).

“Know this: God, your God, is God indeed, a God you can depend upon. He keeps His covenant of loyal love with those who love Him and observe His commandments for a thousand generations” (Deuteronomy 7:9, The Message)

Psalm 127 3-5, “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,  the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.

I’m encouraged by these verses to keep receiving Love from God and to Love Him in return, trusting Him enough to obey Him; in doing so He will keep His promises and lovingkindness toward my children to 1000 generations, what a blessing!  It is so important to aim our children toward the Lord like a warrior aims an arrow.  We are already aiming them in some sort of direction the question is which way are we aiming?  Consistency is key in all things concerning children and they desperately Need to know that their parents unconditionally Love them.

Looking back on the past 3 weeks, I see that I have not spent the amount of quality time with them that I feel they need.  At some point every day they need our undivided attention!! UNdivided! Only the child has our attention to talk to us about anything, to play a game or go for a walk or whatever (with our doing a chore or checking stuff online, etc..) and I know that what we do with them concerning this type of attention will turn around on us when they’re teens and young adults.  Why would a teen or young adult bother spending any time with a parent that never bothered to spend any time with them as a child? The wouldn’t.   Treating them with respect, giving them attention, and proper training consistently is how to raise a child to become an adult.  Of course I don’t have grown children; this is what I’ve gathered from others’ victories and mistakes and from a number of parenting books & psychology classes. :)

Thank You Lord for your Love and direction in raising 4 wonderful children!! <3

Feeling Less

Between childhood/ adolescent pain & disappointment, I learned quickly to expect less from others while somehow I eventually started expecting more of myself.  I realize its a strange dynamic. Expecting less of others or figuring out what to expect from them keeps me from feeling hurt or disappointed by their actions in most circumstances, I think this is emotionally healthy for the most part.  If I get caught off guard its a different story all together.  It wasn’t until I was in college that I started expecting more of myself, until then I expected little to nothing of myself because of all the grade school junk I went through.  In college and for several years after I felt a drive to “prove myself”, I had this “look what I can do” or “I’ll show them” mentality. I graduated with honors in Psychology from Liberty University and then went on to prove myself in my business.  A few years ago God finally helped me to release that ‘need‘ and I was able to settle in to what He wanted/ wants for me. 

Now, He is showing me how little I allow myself to feel.  I think it partly has to do with childhood trauma (of course it could have been worse, but its my pain), partly to do with adolescent heartache, & an overall disappointment with life in general.  These things hurt the heart and so I started shutting out anything that could hurt me. This includes getting excited about anything, because in my heart, if I get too excited then something will go wrong and what I’m excited about won’t happen.  It has made it so that most every gut level emotion gets shut out. Getting caught off guard with something can still throw me for a loop and sometimes I’ll feel the pain deep down, but I’ll do my best to ignore it all until I don’t feel it anymore.

This “feeling less” issue is something God is showing me just now and He wants to heal  it in me.  I’m not totally sure what that’s going to look like, but I do know I need to let Him carry me daily. <3