all together?

I think its really easy to be with our children & not really be with them.  I'd like to pretend that I had it all together and everything runs perfectly around here, but the sad truth is that it doesn't.  I am with them all the time, but very rarely with them.  Tonight I sat on the couch in the play room with them and each one of them stopped what they were doing and crawled up in my lap, one at a time.  It was sublime. I relished every second, until it was after 8 (typically bed time) & I started my normal mental lists of what I needed to get done the rest of the night.  I suppose that's normal, to have a list playing through your mind all the time of whats next whether its right now or 5 weeks or months from now.  I don't want this to be my normal anymore; the Lord is showing me how I need to move through my day more efficiently. I have a lot of work ahead of me.

Its important for children to be cherished in word and in deed. I think of the cliche that says "for children love is spelled t-i-m-e".  I home school so you'd think that I spend plenty of quality time with them but the question stands, 'is instruction quality time?'  How many of your teachers did you know and feel close with? I want my children to be able to say, 'wow I can talk to her about anything, she wants to hang out with me, she enjoys my company, I want to talk about important stuff with her, she realizes my important stuff is important even if its "just kid stuff", I value her opinion...'  I know that getting on the floor and playing and talking with them as children will become teen & adult children who want to be with me and who will still have all the things I just listed in our relationship.  Our adult relationships with our children will be a direct reflection of the time we purposely invested with them.  Being present, & not in my mind running lists.  If the adults in our lives would notice our divided attention and feel unappreciated so will our children no matter how old they are.

Every relationship in our lives deserves undivided attention!  It goes back to what I said in my post "Doing":
"This picture of meeting a friend for dinner keeps coming to mind. We’re good friends and we care for each other but we sit there in silence the entire meal and in this picture I think thats what a good friend is, someone who is around.  Or worse yet, I go to meet my friend for dinner, but sit with someone else and enjoy an entire evening with them without ever acknowledging my friend who I came to meet.  Now, I want a good conversation and some laughs like the next person and God does too; He even wants so much more than that, He wants genuine intimacy. We can’t get that sitting there silent or spending our time thinking or doing a million other things.  We have to move into an active relationship with Him just like we would in our most intimate human relationships."

We can have intimate relationships in our lives where people know us very personally and us them. This includes God, spouse, children, & friends; in that order.  It is time to take time before time takes us!!   Our children want desperately to be with us, to have us enjoy their company & them ours' and like I said the time we invest with them as children will be directly reflected in their adult relationships with us.

I'm so glad that the Lord is changing the structure of my days so I can see... I think there's more to see in regards to other things but I'm liking learning how to shut down the list making and trouble shooting in my mind long enough to spend quality time with 4 of the most important people in my life.

103

Psalm 103 was part of my reading today; it is so rich in truth.  As I read through it to specifically point out something I'm at a loss because every part could be talked about. 

Psalm 103 (NIV-italics mine).

1Praise the Lord, O my soul;

all my inmost being, praise his holy name.

2Praise the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all his benefits—

3who forgives all your sins

and heals all your diseases,

4who redeems your life from the pit

and crowns you with love and compassion,

5who satisfies your desires with good things

so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

6The Lord works righteousness

and justice for all the oppressed.

7He made known his ways to Moses,

his deeds to the people of Israel:

8The Lord is compassionate and gracious,

slow to anger, abounding in love.

9He will not always accuse,

nor will he harbor his anger forever;

10he does not treat us as our sins deserve

or repay us according to our iniquities.

11For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

so great is his love for those who fear him;

12as far as the east is from the west,

so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

13As a father has compassion on his children,

so the Lord has compassion on those who fear (=revere) him;

14for he knows how we are formed,

he remembers that we are dust.

15As for man, his days are like grass,

he flourishes like a flower of the field;

16the wind blows over it and it is gone,

and its place remembers it no more.

17But from everlasting to everlasting

the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,

and his righteousness with their children’s children—

18with those who keep his covenant

and remember to obey his precepts.

19The Lord has established his throne in heaven,

and his kingdom rules over all.

20Praise the Lord, you his angels,

you mighty ones who do his bidding,

who obey his word.

21Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,

you his servants who do his will.

22Praise the Lord, all his works

everywhere in his dominion.

Praise the Lord, O my soul.

conscience

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31- NIV).
I'm kind of tired about writing about food on this blog, its why I started a sister blog to begin with, but this verse caught my attention today so I'm sharing it.  If you read a few verses back Paul is talking about eating something that has been sacrificed to idols & says that we are free to eat but that it may not be profitable or edifying to those around us.  I see the point that is being made here, don't do something if it is going to harm the conscience of another.  Point taken.   Nevertheless, when I read this verse today I immediately considered whether or not I am eating for the glory of God.  If I eat something that I am free to eat (I'm free to eat anything I want) but it is not profitable for my body where is the glory?  Just a thought I'm kicking around, but maybe this is too far reaching.  Seems like a good verse for the over-eater and the alcoholic alike (not to mention any other addiction), of course this is not the context used when the verse was written, but its still how the individual verse jumped out at me when I read it.  What are your thoughts after reading 1 Corinthians 10, having read verse 31 in context?:

1For I do not want you to be ignorant of the fact, brothers, that our forefathers were all under the cloud and that they all passed through the sea. 2They were all baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea. 3They all ate the same spiritual food 4and drank the same spiritual drink; for they drank from the spiritual rock that accompanied them, and that rock was Christ. 5Nevertheless, God was not pleased with most of them; their bodies were scattered over the desert.

6Now these things occurred as examples^a to keep us from setting our hearts on evil things as they did. 7Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written: “The people sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in pagan revelry.”^b 8We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did—and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died. 9We should not test the Lord, as some of them did—and were killed by snakes. 10And do not grumble, as some of them did—and were killed by the destroying angel.

11These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. 12So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Idol Feasts and the Lord’s Supper

14Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry. 15I speak to sensible people; judge for yourselves what I say. 16Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ? 17Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all partake of the one loaf.

18Consider the people of Israel: Do not those who eat the sacrifices participate in the altar? 19Do I mean then that a sacrifice offered to an idol is anything, or that an idol is anything? 20No, but the sacrifices of pagans are offered to demons, not to God, and I do not want you to be participants with demons. 21You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord’s table and the table of demons. 22Are we trying to arouse the Lord’s jealousy? Are we stronger than he?

The Believer’s Freedom

23“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. 24Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

25Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, 26for, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.”^c

27If some unbeliever invites you to a meal and you want to go, eat whatever is put before you without raising questions of conscience. 28But if anyone says to you, “This has been offered in sacrifice,” then do not eat it, both for the sake of the man who told you and for conscience’ sake^d— 29the other man’s conscience, I mean, not yours. For why should my freedom be judged by another’s conscience? 30If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for?

31So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 32Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— 33even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved.

A Miracle

One of the things I love about the Lord is that He sticks to His promises.  A couple of my favorites:
*He promises to never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8).
*He promises to help us grow up and out of the ugliness that is in each of us (Philippians 1:6).
*there are plenty more, but these are the 2 I'm excited about today.

Recently a friend of mine shared her testimony with me, which I am not going to repeat here due to privacy matters.  I have been in complete awe of God ever since hearing it!! Complete AWE!  I have gotten used to Christians who just sit and wallow in their junk, I myself did just that for so so long!!  The thing is that we are born again, temples of the Holy Spirit of God, His light is shining in us and is ready to help us clear the junk out of our own personal temple.  For some reason, some bodily temples look more like a hoarder lives inside than the Spirit of God.  God wants so badly to show us a miracle in the transformation of our lives!!  When you were born again you knew you were different from that moment on, but some of us still refuse to allow God to clean out the "ick" from our hearts.  He wants to show you a miracle in your own life.  The process to God's miracle work can be instantaneous, but is often more of a process, bit by bit step by step and an uncomfortable process at that.  His miracle work has a lot to do with prodding unhealthy habits from our spiritual grasp & helping us rely on Him instead of that habit. Sometimes its helping us to learn the fruits of the Spirit like patience for instance, infusing them into our lives (Galatians 5).  Patience is not fun to get, but really great to have! I'm pretty sure we'd all agree to that.  We all need Gods help regardless of whether He is helping us out of the darkest ugliest place anyone could ever live or if she is the person that everyone thinks has it all together.  He is the healer of broken hearts!!  We all need Him to perform a miracle in our lives.  And if you take His hand and ask for His guidance each day, He will help you become one of His miracles!  Thank you friend for sharing your testimony, God truly re-infused hope back into my life because you were willing to share; the Lord removed a little more of my cynicism  because of you.   Folks, God truly can work a miracle in your life and/ or in the lives of those you might think are hopeless.  We are all hopeless apart from God, He alone can save us from anything!!  I'm so thankful that God promises not to leave us or forsake us and that He will continue His good work in us until the day of Jesus Christ (Deut 31:8, Phil 1:6).  Step 1: Ask on a soul level God to forgive you of your sins and come in to your heart, this is getting born again. Step 2: Trust Him and walk with Him daily, in Bible study, in prayer & in the fellowship of the saints.

Snuggle

In our marriage, Scott and I each take the initiative to apologize when we know we've done something to upset the other & we do our best not to do that specific thing again. We have a great relationship because of this!  The same is true with God: we have to say we're sorry, ask forgiveness, & attempt not to do those things again in order to have a good relationship.  With God, asking for forgiveness helps us to get closer to Him.
I once heard an analogy about a couple riding in a truck with a bench seat and the lady always sat in the middle snuggled up against her man.  As the years passed she found herself snuggled against the window instead and when she said to her man that they never sit snuggled anymore, he simply replied "I never moved."  God is the same He never changes He is always right there with us, but when we do something to push away from Him it is us that moves.  I did that last week.  I'm moving back to snuggle against Him now.  God is very obviously allowing a couple things in my life so He can slough off the old junk in my life that I tend to hide in instead of Him.  We all have this process of letting go of things that keep us from snuggling against Him. What's your's?  It could be as simple as "retail therapy" or as big as unbelief, either way all we have to do is ask Him to change something in our heart so we can be with Him. AND we all must ask for forgiveness for the first time and continually in order to maintain a healthy relationship staying snuggled against HIM.

Refuge

psalm 73:23-24, 28
Nevertheless I am continually with Thee; Thou hast taken hold of my right hand.  With Thy counsel Thou wilt guide me, And afterward receive me to glory. ... But as for me, the nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, That I may tell of all Thy works.

I love this! This is exactly what I'm working on right now, being led by His counsel & making Him my refuge!! First He is guiding me to rid my life of all the things I do to take refuge, like changing my diet as I talked about yesterday.  There are other things I'm changing too in order to only take refuge in Him.  He can handle it all.  We have to go to Him to ask for Him and then pour our hearts out to Him as the psalmist did. He promises to never leave or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Super- Part 1

Tonight Scott and I went out for our 10th Anniversary of meeting on the National Mall.  It is a true blessing to be able to call him mine! Anyway, we went out to dinner and to see "The Avengers" I love super hero movies and on top of it there were 3 positive references to God/ the Bible. Yay Marvel Comics!!  "I only know One God & they're not Him"--Captain America.  I find it interesting how people gravitate toward super heroes saving us from doom &/or supernatural type entertainment.  God put an innate desire in us all for a Savior because we do need to be saved from doom which is the supernatural in action all the time.  Jesus saves everyday, every time someone sincerely asks from their soul. We all need a savior, we all have stuff in our lives keeping us from really being with Him, we need His help.

In the last couple of weeks He has made it totally clear that I have a food addiction. That sounds crazy, I know.  We need food to live, food truly is fuel!!  I do not always use it as fuel; eating 6 cupcakes in a 2 hour period of time does not nor will it ever equal nutritious.  Eating that many cupcakes it overeating & its sooo hard for me to stop once I start.  I wish it did equal nutritious because I'd be all about it, and I really wish I didn't have a problem, but I do.   A couple of days ago I read a couple of blogs that described me to a T, its slightly devastating.  You can do your own research about this kind of addiction and any other, you'd find out that studies show that fatty/ sugary foods do similar things in the brain that cocaine does and thus creates an addiction. COCAINE! At the moment I'm roughly 20 pounds over weight, I've only been as much as 40 over (not preggo).  Just because I'm not 150+ over means nothing and just becasue someone else is 150+ over doesn't mean they have an overeating addiction like I do.  There is so much more that plays into how we individually carry our weight its not even funny.  I know I said I had a problem before, but the Lord is specifically showing me how true this is as I have decided over and over again since April to go back to my no sugar deal.  The problem I've had is that I know I'm saying good-bye for good now not just for 40 days, and over and over one day at a time forever... so I binged the past few days (I do not purge).  Unfortunately I'm not perfect, I need Jesus to save me from my unhealthy behaviors like this one  just like everyone else in this world.  We each have our own version of unhealthy.  Anyway, I'm starting a sister blog to keep myself publicly accountable, because I'm pretty sure it'll be the only way to stay serious about daily going to God for help, finding the problems, planning, and maintaining recovery.  I will not be posting it to FB everyday like this one so if you're interested check it out. If you go to my about page you'll find the link, I'm reluctantly starting it tonight and its part 2 of this post.  I fully trust that the Lord will rescue me out of this like He has so many other things and I want Him to rescue me as sugary overeating is something I've habitually done instead of going to Him when I'm stressed out.  I want Him to be all that's left to want to turn to.

Jesus Saves & He is Super!

139

Psalm 139.  This one has been my favorite Psalm for such a long time! Love it! 

1O Lord, you have searched me

and you know me.

2You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

4Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord.

5You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

7Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

8If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths,^a you are there.

9If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

11If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

12even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

13For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

17How precious to^b me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

18Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

19If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

21Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,

and abhor those who rise up against you?

22I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

23Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

Conversation

In the first few years of my Christian walk I thought the only way God spoke to us was in reading His Word & through the conviction of the Holy Spirit.  Conviction is like hearing a siren go off right before crossing 6 lanes of traffic going 80 mph, its a warning to send us to turn & walk safely away from impending doom.  You know that its God too.  The Bible shows us truth.  This way of thinking is like a one-sided "relationship", the other person is always there but its only you doing the talking.  True Christianity is 2 sided and more than the occasional conviction to do or not do.  Over time God has guided me by speaking to my heart in very specific ways.  A couple days ago He & I were talking, having a full conversation about a few different things He is leading me to change so I can grow in Him and so He can give me a healthier life.  The conversation lasted a while and during the talk I was looking for that "siren" to go off, but it didn't.  The Lord showed me, told me, that it doesn't always have to be that way.  He wants to be in constant conversation with us in order to have a great relationship with us and to lead us to a full life in Him.

Psalm 62:8, "Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah."

The psalmist is constantly pouring his heart out to God and if you've read Psalms then you know that God constantly and specifically replied to him.  The Bible has lots of examples of God speaking to people in very specific and personal ways, we are no different than any of those people. He wants conversation with us!! I'm not saying that this is audible, but when the Spirit of God lives within us we can clearly hear Him from the inside just like we can hear ourselves thinking. Its how we can have a conversation with Him without ever opening our mouths. I need to do this more, some days He and I talk and talk and some days I get to the end of the day and realize that we haven't talked at all.  I hope I get better about it; 1 Thessalonians 5:17 teaches us to pray continually, I hope I'll get to the point that I do that.  He thinks about us all the time:  "How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.  When I awake, I am still with you."  We all need to get in conversational prayer!

Made of TinFoil

Yesterday I publicly recognized my self righteous attitude.  I'm truly learning how God works in us one layer at a time, like peeling an onion-- it stinks & it probably does make Him cry.  There are a couple things about being self righteous, which was far far worse in me 12-15 years ago and with what I've been through you'd think that would've been completely purged from my heart.  Only part of it was purged from my heart and it was in a big painful way and due completely to my sin. 

The self righteousness that I've recognized is lodged in my heart is evident in 2 ways: 
The first way shows because of my frustration over other Christian's obvious sin (obvious to me), and not equally frustrated over my own obvious sin (obvious to others).  See how that works? This is why Jesus said, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:5, NIV).  Yep, the self righteous are hypocrites because they are concerned about how someone else is sinning a sin that they don't struggle with, not acknowledging that there just might be some other sin in their own lives that they are not recognizing.  And what I'm learning is that self righteousness is still self-righteousness no matter what level you're on with it. 
The second way is when we sin and are so devastated and disappointed in ourselves because we expected more.  Depression usually follows this all because we are not as good as we wanted ourselves to be or expected ourselves to be.  All this is self.  Romans 3:22-24, "...righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus" (NIV).  The Lord gives us His righteousness as a free gift, we cannot earn it.  I can release self righteousness and ask Him to help me acknowledge my junk being completely satisfied by His wonderful righteousness.  I love what my friend told me yesterday so I'll just re-quote her, ""All our righteousness comes from Him so we have no reason to be surprised when our humanity is less than perfect, but thankful He is revealing it so we can expose it to His righteousness!"

In order to wear the breastplate of righteousness we have to forgo the self-righteousness!! Self-righteous leaves our vital spiritual organs totally open to attack, we must take off our self-righteousness in order to put on His righteousness. Is is time for you to change clothes & finally put on God's bullet proof vest instead of your tinfoil one?  It is for me & Imma changin'!!  I don't want to wear a spiritual "bullet proof vest" made of tinfoil anymore!! (Galations 5).
 

Grow Up

Judgmental.
Prideful.
Self-Righteous.

Through a series of circumstances the Lord showed me that I'm still judgmental.  I've been devastated all day. I feel very protective over people who tend to get badgered because of their 'sin' & I think because I am protective in that area I thought I was that way for all people.  I used to be that way for all people, no one is perfect we all have our junk, my close friends have heard me say that plenty.  I thought I was giving word of caution last week to my closest friend about someone when in fact I was being completely judgmental. She knew I was wrong about that person.  A couple days later God showed me how wrong I was.  Then today, He pointed out to me my judgmental heart. sigh.  I used to notice wonderful qualities about everyone I came in contact with and was always ready with a compliment.  I could barely walk through Target today without thinking something 'ugly' about different people I passed.  God pointed it out every single time. Devastation.

I think I was devastated because of my pride. I think I'm doing good now and really I'm doing a heck of a lot better than I was 3 months ago.  Even when I don't recognize the junk in my life its still there, just as much as when I do recognize it.  The thing is when I recognize it I can choose to turn it over to God and let Him fix the issue, infusing the fruit of the Spirit in its place.

I had no clue I was self-righteous.  uuuugggghhhhh.  devastation. I told said friend about my judgmental attitude today and told her that I asked the Lord for forgiveness and told her how sad I am about it all.  She is so mindful of God and wise in Him & of course she does not realize this about herself.  Anyway, I'm just gonna quote her text to me, "All our righteousness comes from Him so we have no reason to be surprised when our humanity is less than perfect, but thankful He is revealing it so we can expose it to His righteousness!"  As my heart settled into that truth, I remembered that God LOVES me unconditionally.  He LOVES me exactly the same in every single circumstance: He Loves me when I know what my issues are and I feel terrible & He loves me when I am blind to my issues, He Loves me as if I were absolutely perfect in every way which is an impossibility.  He Loves me the same no matter what.  In my mind I live like I have to earn His Love and any and all of His other blessings & once I'm on the right track I get to thinking I'm good to earn them; which is all a lie that the enemy wants me to believe.  Its all just self-righteous thinking as if I could be righteous at all.  My inability to become righteous is why God gives it as a free gift after He gives His FREE gift of salvation when we've asked on the soul level.  I cannot be righteous apart from Him.  Only He is righteous.

He carries me daily, even when its painful and right now He is helping me to "grow up" in Him. I think it goes without saying that I want Him to purge this crap out of me, even if it hurts!!  Carried.

Pray

Being a Christian is about having a real relationship with Jesus Christ, with God.  The born again Christian knows this to be true, yet so so so many of us don't pray.  The enemy would have us believe any lie about prayer to keep us from calling on the power of God.

The New Testament teaches us to pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

Surely Jesus prayed to His Heavenly Father without ceasing but Mark 1:35 shows what He also did, "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed."  He got all alone with God, where there would be no interruption.  If God in the flesh had to get completely alone to be with God and He also prayed without ceasing, what does that say for us?  Certainly we are not above Jesus Christ, God in the flesh? No!

Jesus also taught us how to pray: 

“‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us today our daily bread.  Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.'

**That is Praise & Thank God, pray for Christ's return,  ask for the attributes of heaven to show up on earth in God's will,  ask for his provision, ask for help to forgive as you continue to receive God's forgiveness, ask for help to stay away from temptation, ask for deliverance from the enemy.  

**He wants us to talk to Him about these things and all the "ins & outs" of our lives.

The enemy will whisper all kinds of lies about prayer to us to keep us from it.  God is so powerful, powerful beyond imagination.  Why would the devil want us talking to God if God is so powerful? he wouldn't, he doesn't.  Which is why so many of us don't talk to God on any kind of intimate level. I've learned more and more lately how prayer changes things!! God has helped me to grow in so many different areas due to prayer and is changing/ growing others due to prayer for them. God is all-powerful.

Start your day in prayer, ask Him to Carry you today. Pray, talk to God, hear Him... pray like Jesus taught us to... ask Him to help you grow to be the person He created you to be.  Personally I need to get better at the getting up early enough to start my day in alone time prayer; it would be about the only time I'd be able to without being interrupted. 

Share

Today I had the opportunity to share my testimony.  I was having a conversation with someone asking about her perspective on some specific things and before I knew it I was sharing what I wrote in the very first blog post, "Seventeen Years Ago Today". 

"It has been 17 years.  It has been 17 years to the day since I asked Jesus into my life. He is my Savior. He is my Friend. He is my Provider, my Comforter, my Leader, & day by day becoming my Everything.  On March 27, 1995 just a few months prior to turning 17 God radically changed my heart. I could love again, rather truly love for the first time, because that day I received the ultimate Love, which is God’s unconditional, extraordinary, supernatural, overwhelming True LOVE! His Love is different than the way I experienced love before.  2 Corinthians 13 defines His Love for us: “ 4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (NASB, Bible.com).  It took about 3 months of a few different friends, who I’ll be eternally grateful to, witnessing to me for me to finally go to God.  Looking back, I think I stopped receiving love into my life because I stopped trusting it some where a long the way; after all human love comes with a lot of heartache and disappointment.   The same is not true of God. During that 3 months I learned that God is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24), who goes ahead of us so we do not need to be afraid (Deuteronomy 31:8), who is there even if/ when parents leave (Psalm 27:10).  I began trusting His Love, the Love of God, the Creator of the Universe is unmatched!! When I received Him into my life I could then sink into His Love like a ocean and He gave freely and constantly and now I could give that same Love to others (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

17 years has passed since that day, and a lot has happened (I’ll get to that). There have been periods of tremendous faith and periods of confusion and doubt, each brought on by either obedience or disobedience to Him sometimes brought on my tremendous grief... and even falling out of Love with Him.  The periods of disobedience sadly led to an abrupt halt of receiving His all powerful Love, He continued to pursue me through it all.  Finally, just this month, March 2012 I am truly recognizing and receiving His Love in my life again after several years of doubt.   He wants you to receive His Love in your life too; go to Him declare His promises of Love in your life (John 3:16, etc..) and ask Him to come into your life too, it is a gift He freely gives"


If you like, please share how God changed your life forever in the comments here on blogger or on my facebook  page under the link for this post. <3  Hearing/ Reading testimonies is amazing and a true testament to God that He can redeem us!!

Grow

Sometimes when God leads us to a place that is best to change & ;therefore, grow it can be unexpected yet completely obvious! Between my times of prayer yesterday and today, He showed me somethings that He wants me to change, but once what I've been doing was pointed out I immediately knew that it couldn't go on.  I would've NEVER come to recognize nor admit this thing in my life without God pointing it out.  I'm really not sure how to go about changing it other than to ask for direction.  I will not be able to get there on my own, I'm pretty sure without God it will be an impossibility, but I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Philipians 4:13).
This thing that needs to be changed has to do with parenting & like I said, I would have NEVER seen it without God pointing it out. Only the very keen observer might have noticed but it, but that still would be doubtful. It has to do with both specific & general things.  Here's the thing: I desire more than anything NOT to raise my children better than my parents raised me, but to raise them exactly the way God wants me to & in every single detail being led completely by Him.  I'm sure I'll still make my own mistakes, but I'm hoping to break some generational stuff while clinging to the Lord.

We are like clay in the potter's hands being molded bit by bit into something so much more spectacular than a lump, God is molding us as believers into who He created us to be.  He will bring us to change and growth in every part of our lives making our strengths stronger and even strengthening us where we are weak!   Philipians 1:3-6, "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." and verse 9-11, "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ--to the glory and praise of God."

Happy to be obedient to God that He can make me who He created me to be! <3

27

Psalm 27

Of David.

1The Lord is my light and my salvation—

whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—

of whom shall I be afraid?

2When evil men advance against me

to devour my flesh,^a

when my enemies and my foes attack me,

they will stumble and fall.

3Though an army besiege me,

my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me,

even then will I be confident.

4One thing I ask of the Lord,

this is what I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord

all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord

and to seek him in his temple.

5For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle

and set me high upon a rock.

6Then my head will be exalted

above the enemies who surround me;

at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the Lord.

7Hear my voice when I call, O Lord;

be merciful to me and answer me.

8My heart says of you, “Seek his^b face!”

Your face, Lord, I will seek.

9Do not hide your face from me,

do not turn your servant away in anger;

you have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me,

O God my Savior.

10Though my father and mother forsake me,

the Lord will receive me.

11Teach me your way, O Lord;

lead me in a straight path

because of my oppressors.

12Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,

for false witnesses rise up against me,

breathing out violence.

13I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

14Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

Sunday Best

Ever heard the term "Sunday Best"?   Showing up to church looking your absolute best?  Men attend in a suit and tie and ladies come in their dresses with hair and makeup done nicely.  I don't think I've ever heard that term used in the church I currently attend.  At this church there are a few men who wear suits and ties and some in jeans & tshirts; many ladies come in dresses while others wear jeans.

 Some reading may relate better if they consider what you show up on a date looking like? Most first dates we go all out to look our best.  I'm married now so he sees me as I am daily, but still gets my best on date nights and at church ;)

My question is: If we were to show up dressed to represent what we look like spiritually, what would we look like?

Isaiah 64:5-7: he is speaking to God:
"You come to the help of those who gladly do right,

who remember your ways.

But when we continued to sin against them,

you were angry.

How then can we be saved?

6All of us have become like one who is unclean,

and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;

we all shrivel up like a leaf,

and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

7No one calls on your name

or strives to lay hold of you;

for you have hidden your face from us

and made us waste away because of our sins."


Isaiah1:18-20
“Come now, let us reason together,”

says the Lord.

“Though your sins are like scarlet,

they shall be as white as snow;

though they are red as crimson,

they shall be like wool.

If you are willing and obedient,

you will eat the best from the land; but if you resist and rebel,

you will be devoured by the sword.”

For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Some dress in red, filthy rags while others dress in clean, white wool.  God offers to come in and clean our lives and when we ask to receive it, He does so.  I got saved just before turning 17, I talked about it in my first blog post, "17 Years Ago Today"... conscientiously and sometimes unconsciously sinning was all too different than it had been before, He changed my heart and I didn't enjoy sin like before anymore. I didn't do anything to earn it and its a gift He freely gives to everyone.  Having received it doesn't make me different from anyone else on this earth other than that He lives in me as He lives in all those who believe & ask.  He'll do the same for you. 

Afterward He started His good work in me to cultivate His fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  He is working in me all the time to cultivate these things, over the years I haven't always been co-operative and some might not have been completely obvious.  

The fruit of the Spirit is referenced in Galatians 5:16-25, "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other."

  Paul says a lot in this passage, its wise to consider one's self when reading it instead of pointing fingers at who does not live up to it as to not provoke or envy. <3

Green Thumb

Psalm 1:1-3,
1"Blessed is the man, who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. 
2But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night.   
3He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."

My thoughts on this passage:
1:walking leads to standing leads to sitting. ... Its easy to get pulled down by the spiritual enemy of our souls when we do this and we end up sitting comfortably apart from God.
2: Jesus came to save us to give us Life, because the Law brings death but the Spirit of God gives Life.  In the New Testament thinking, we are given the capability to Love God when we receive His Love because He first Loved us.  Because of this Love He so purely and thoroughly has for us we can then meditate on His Word because we can then finally receive it as His sweet, rich Love letter to us... but typically when we are truly receiving His Love first.  I Love this verse, its just the idea of being with God all the time, in His Word and in His Spirit through prayer.
3: My rose bush is kind of withering right now. Several of the roses are drying up and turning brown right on the plant... my thumb is purple not green so needless to say I have no idea how to fix it.  Reading verse 3 in this passage is cool, it gives such a beautiful picture.  The tree lives right next to a life source & it is full of life because of its location.

Where are you located today? Does verse 1 or verse 2 describe you?  I've been in both and once I sat I sat for a while.  Living in verse 2 or getting closer and closer to that picture of being in Christ all the time is really beautiful... allowing Him to consume me like being under water.  I say that, but I think air consumes us more beautifully don't you? Its all around us and in us too.  The location we choose will determine whether we're withering like my poor beautiful rose bush or thriving like the tree described in verse 3. I'm so glad God has a "green thumb" when it comes to His creation; He is constantly working to get us living close to Him, THE Life Source.

How I Met My Husband

Scott and I have been happily married for nearly 9 years now. 
We met 10 years ago on May 25 on the National Mall right in front of the Washington Monument.  Yep! This was indeed a divine appointment and a really cool one at that.  When we met we were instant friends; I was able to become very close friends with him over the summer mainly because I had no romantic interest in him whatsoever.  In the first few minutes I wondered why he seemed so interested in me, but we talked for a long while and when the people he was with went to get ice cream he invited me to come along.  Most guys will offer to buy ice cream if they're interested in a girl, but he bought mine and all the rest of the girls. This one simple act showed me that he was NOT charming which is deceitful, but that he is chivalrous.  Ten years later this still holds true.  Yep! I am immensely and undeservedly blessed beyond measure.  He is a wonderful man of God and I love him to my core.  I'm not saying that we haven't had a rough patch, every marriage has them.  With God's help we muttled through pushing for a happy marriage and gleaning from any and all wisdom that could get us there and keep us there.  It is my humble opinion that if you're not working toward a happy marriage then you're working toward divorce.  What I mean by a happy marriage does not completely mean happy self.  If you're worried about making yourself happy, you're not working toward a happy marriage you're working toward a happy you.  Marriage is team work.  Unfortunately, I have not always partnered with my husband in pursuit of a happy marriage, but during those times I wasn't even partnering with myself for a happy me, I was just breathing in and out severely depressed.  I'm totally guilty of shutting it all down.  He is wonderful, but has had his own separate stuff as well.  We both are reaching for God now.  Scott has always known exactly what his commitment to me as my husband is: to Love his wife as Christ Loved the church and gave Himself up for it.  I attended a wedding on Saturday and as I listened to the husband's vows  I can tell you wholeheartedly that Scott has kept every single one of them every single day of our marriage.  He is a fine Biblical example of what a husband is called to be for his wife.  I on the other hand came into our marriage with a whole lot of baggage from childhood pain that had not yet been healed and had little to no respect for any man.  Seriously.  When I married Scott I had more respect for him than I did for any man I had known up until that point, but not the kind of respect a wife is called to have for her husband.  God has had to tear down strongholds in my life concerning men, I still don't trust many, but I fully trust, love, and respect my husband today.  Respecting our husbands and listening to their advice is one of the things we are called to do and we trust God above all else with this act for God is our protector above all.  I was reading last week that the reason for this is because the woman (Eve) was deceived and it is the man who is supposed to protect her from that.  The moment I started recognizing that in our marriage my entire paradigm of his role in my life shifted.  I had already been respecting him more than ever before in the last several months, but I can see now exactly how my husband is my protector and am noticing how he can keep me from flipping out over things that are so easy to get carried away into.  He is our family's spiritual leader and always has been, but now I'm finally recognizing it.  Our marriage keeps getting better because I'm willing (sometimes still hesitantly) but willing to pull myself out of a situation and look at it from his point of view and more often than not I'll realize that I was in the middle of believing something that wasn't true (deception).   This is a long way off from my old view of every man that they were all out to just take advantage of you and  throw you away like garbage, this idea I had of men could be pictured on about a million different levels.  God has obviously done a major work in me to take me from fear of being taken advantage of (this applied to my awesome husband too, up to just a couple of months ago) to full on (though sometimes imperfect) respect and submission to the man I married.  Our marriage is the work of an awesome God (on my part as well as Scott's), through and through.

Truth

God has been teaching me about truth the last few days. I'm asking Him to help me see what is true in general & also in a couple specific things. 

A couple days ago a friend of mine posted a story on FB and it rang so clearly; everyone is deceived in some way about something.  The example it gave was how people used to "know" that the earth was flat. When one explorer came out and said that he believed it was round everyone mocked him in complete and total disbelief, because the evidence was obvious from their point of view.  Standing where the ocean meets land it looks like it just drops off like a waterfall does and that was that.  Just because my vantage point tells me a certain thing is true does not mean that it is.

My husband reminds me on a regular basis to always bounce things off the word of God!  Had these "the world is flat" believers bounced that off the word of God they would have known! Isaiah 40:22, "He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth..." (NIV).


My sister in law, Shelley, posted this on her FB wall in April but it showed up on my news feed tonight (God did that ;)):  "Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10. Very useful verse for any situation. God will take care of it. Let things sit and simmer for a bit. Then let Him show you truth."  

 Matthew 7:7 says, ""Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you" (NIV).  If you seek truth, relinquishing the need to be right, you will find truth.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6, NIV).  Christ is truth, He can certainly renounce the lies we hold so dear... if we let Him.

Loving God tonight and am so thankful that He wants to carry me daily!! Thank you for showing us truth God... when we seek it.

FROG

God has been teaching me through scripture, through my own experiences, & through others how He helps us to learn to rely completely on Him.  Through life experience He draws us closer to Him by showing us how to fully rely on Him and that we can do anything with Him.

As I've said in previous posts, I am reading through the Bible using "66 Love Letters" by Larry Crabb.  This week I read Esther and am 1/2 way through Job.  Larry Crabb connected the dots through both books that Esther fully relied on God and when everything crumbled in Job's life and God was all that was left he relied on Him more than ever before.  I like how the author describes each book, but you'll have to check it out for yourself because this isnt exactly the place to quote 2 entire chapters of his book.   Reading through Job I'm noticing that I've had every single emotion he has described of himself, of course my emotions were due to completely different circumstances but were the same nonetheless. God showed me how He used all that I've felt over the years to draw me closer to Him because I need Him (as we all do).  This week He has shown me through 2 different people how He can teach us to fully rely on Him through Job-like circumstances or through something much less dramatic like an insecurity.  It seems like the drastic-ness of it depends on the person.  Its really kinda cool how God works.  He does so much to help us be completely in Love with Him because He so completely Loves us. There really is NOTHING in this life that is more important that having a relationship with the Life Giver, the Way, the Truth, and the Life, the God of all; given FREELY through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior-- which is why he allows things to come into our lives, to show us that nothing is more important that being with Him.

Learning to:
Fully
Rely
On
God
a little more each day, so glad that He carries me daily.

SO MUCH

I so just want to go on and on and on about God's Love.  He GAVE HIMSELF, HIS SON, to save the world (John 3:17) thats how much He Loves us. No human could ever wrap their mind around the vastness of God's Love.
HE Loves us so much and knows us so well that He knows we are incapable of living 100% holy lives, which is why Christ came to save us. (Romans 5:8, 3:23, John 14:6)
He Loves us so much that He gave a written Love letter to us that points the way to Him (taught over and over in both the Psalms & Proverbs).
He Loves us so much that He helps us find the way(Psalm 119:105, John 14:6).
He Loves us so much that He sent the Helper, the Holy Spirit, Himeself to Live IN us once we received His salvation. (John 14:26)
He Loves us so much that He FREELY gives us salvation (Romans 10:9-10).
He Loves us so much that He then gives us His righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21, Romans 10:9-10)
He Loves us so much that He, the Holy Spirit who lives IN the born again believer guides us, convicts us, and grows us from baby Christians drinking the milk of the word to constantly maturing Christians who can discern good and evil (1 Corinthians 6:19, John 14:26, Hebrews 5)
He Loves us so much that He FREELY GIVES us grace and mercy when we incessantly fail (Psalms).
He Loves us so much that He is constantly reaching for us to give us a fulfilling relationship with Him (Philipians 1:6).
He Loves us too much to leave us where He finds us in despair (Philipians 1:6 & exemplified in the story of Joseph in the Old Testament, read Get Out of that Pit by Beth Moore for an on going list of verses and biblical examples of this truth).
He Loves us too much to leave us in the sin He finds us in (Philipians 1:6).
He Loves us too much to FORCE Himself on anyone, which is why we have a choice to receive salvation and to receive His Love or to follow Him ever; it is our choice to receive his salvation (Romans 10:9-10)
He Loves us SO much that He gives us His peace that passes understanding (Romans 5:1)

the List could go on and on! feel free to add to it! <3

NCs Amendment One

It's almost September and I've decided to delete my original post on this subject; I think there was a lot of room for misunderstanding in it...  This is the point I so want to make:  As Christians we should all seek the Lord on this issue.  We know what the Bible says about sexuality.  We should seek the Lord to direct us on how to respond & what it might mean to love one another.  How to be gentle as Paul says.

I've heard a lot of stories about bigots spewing homophobic hate all over the place and justifying it using the Bible, this seriously irritates me to no end!  I've also heard just as many stories about loving Christians being asked point blank what they believe and then being called a bigot for it.  God gave each one of us the right to choose.  One particular story stands out in my mind about this homophobic college girl sharing her hate in a college classroom & then used the Bible to justify it, she caused a lot more hurt and anger than anything.  I'm certain that this is NOT what God wants from us!! Because of girls like her every Christian who reads warnings about sexuality in scripture & heeds them gets the same label.  AGH!  Then I'm pretty sure that the vast majority of people are guilty of some sort of sexual sin, so as Jesus said, 'He that is without sin, cast the first stone.'  We should be seriously considering if our actions or words are going to hinder more than help others to Christ.  After all we all need to be pushed toward God by each other.

The Lord has His reasons to warn us about sexual stuff whether hetero or homo.  That aside.  He wants a relationship with each one of us in a desperate kind of way and He's interested in the person, undeterred with what we're like when He finds us. A real relationship. He wants each of us to let Him LOVE us & to come to Him just the way we are!!  He came to earth in human form, died, & rose again to make it possible. And we should be loving one another too!

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” Matthew 22:37-40.

Hope

Depression is horrible.  I remembered today how horrible it was.  It was immobilizing in the spiritual sense.  I went through all of the motions I had to go through, I had children after all.  Over the last 10ish years there were a few bouts with depression all of which made me suicidal.  During the first I still lived in NC and was teaching preschool.  It wasn't the worst.  I went through the motions at work, I read a lot of books, still prayed and hoped that maybe God still Loved me despite my disappointing Him.  I was sad and was living with a lot of regret and was suicidal.   It would ebb and flow for a while after that.  When I met my husband it seemed to draw back a great deal.  Over the years after that there were a couple heavy bouts when the only reason I didn't commit suicide is because I didn't want to face God on earth or in heaven.   I know that I know that I know that the one and only reason I am no longer struggling with depression like that anymore is because of God.  He Loved me too much to leave me there. Its difficult to explain exactly what He did. He helped me to get through the motions of each day.  He kept nudging me toward the truth of His Love. He kept bringing the answers along to questions and doubts I had.  I kept pulling my heart toward Him.  There were a lot of days I rejected even considering that these things were the case but as I look back I can see how this is the truth. He just kept detangling this mess of lies that built up in my mind.
I'm so thankful that when we come to Him in a broken heap no matter how massive,  it is against His character to leave us there.  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future".
I was definitely broken and now I'm definitely not. This is an act of God.  I was broken, crushed in spirit before meeting Him the very first time; when I got saved He took me in and healed me and put me together!  When I ran... and ran and ran... and finally came back He did it again.  I think there is a little work to be done to put be completely together again but He is doing it and I am far from obsessing over suicide.  It is only an act of God, because I definitely did NOT get here on my own!

BMWs & such

It occurred to me today that disobedience allows the enemy to sift us (Luke 22:31).  Living in disobedience is like standing on shifting sand on the edge of the ocean.  The waves pour in and the sand under foot shifts & when the waves recede we think we're still standing on solid ground but unless you reposition your stance that next wave will pull the sand from beneath your feet and knock you to the ground.  Disobedience will also shake our foundation knocking us from our relationship with the Lord.  He wants us on spiritual solid ground and away from the waves of disobedience.

"But as Paul said, 'the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life' (2 Cor. 3:6).  If the Holy Spirit is not given an opening among us, if his work is not welcomed, if we are afraid of what he might do, we leave ourselves with nothing but death" (Jim Cymbala).  The Spirit gives life.  The Bible points us in the right direction but the Spirit of God is who does the work in us to change us, to pull us out of spiritual bondage. The Spirit breathes life into our lives in such a powerful way that it is unmatched by anything else in this life. The thing is that we must ask Him to come in to live and to make us who He created us to be.

I just got this picture in my mind of cars. Living a life without God is like a beautiful BMW disguised as some junker car.  It doesn't work out.  The manufacturer did not build that BMW to be a junker he built it to be a high performing, luxery BMW.  We are worth everything to God and He created us with something specific in mind.  "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV). God never created junk and He came to earth that we could stop living in the junk yard, so He could help scrape the rust off of our lives, so He could help us be exactly who He created us to be.  Living Loved by Him and daily falling more and more in Love with Him.

Lets stay alert because the enemy wants us to choose the junk yard, when God wants us on the open road 'livin' the life'.

Refocus & Stop the Sifting

This is a repost of an excerpt from "Doing" ... I'm here again. I think I got sifted and became unwilling. I feel like I have some things to fix and need to refocus.  Thankful that a friend mentioned this post to me just a few minutes ago! I really needed to read it! <3  Growth is funny this way... not funny haha.. funny ironic. .. Its 3 steps forward and a couple back most often and I like most people like to take 50 steps forward and none back but such is life and learning. Daily becoming more and more willing to go through the growing process and not staying in the staying still backward motion that I lived in for so long.  Glad I had this excerpt to go back to.

"I got to the end of that first day, laid in bed and flipped through Pinterest to take a minute to relax and when I finished God said to me, “now that you’re finished everything that you wanted to do today now its my turn.” He had not been first at all that day!!  It was 12:30AM and I was ready to drift off; I sat up opened my Bible then prayed. The best thing is to spend time with Him even when it doesn’t feel convenient.  The next several days including last night were very similar to that first day!!  ‘I HAVE GOT TO CHANGE SOMETHING!!’   I’ve learned the hard way over and over that if I do nothing to change, I will absolutely shrink backward.  My (our) only hope is to make a conscience effort to move forward, to be “self-controlled and alert” for our enemy’s #1 goal is to take us down. He wants our time as soon as our eyes open and all day; we have to find consentrated time with Him and He can change our hearts and grow fruit of the Spirit in us!  What am I doing???? What??? and What are you going to do to stop shrinking backward, being picked over by a lion??  UGHHHHH!! I have to stop!!  Make a deliberate decision everyday to focus my time on God, to “give Him the time of day”, to read His word and think on it & allow Him to change me through it and through whatever means He moves to change me.  This takes daily action.  The Bible also says to pray with out stopping... so be in constant communication with the God of the Universe.  I think its so cool that someone soooo big even bothers caring about me, much less is desperately seeking my attention!!! and your’s too.   There is no better day to start than today, I remember believing the lie that ‘well when I graduate it’ll be easier to spend the time...’ or ‘when I start working full time I’ll have more time to...’ or ‘when I get married...’ or ‘once we have children...’  Time just gets swept away; it is like dust in the wind.  DO IT NOW! Make the change.  Oh, gosh! did you feel that push back? I did. The push back is the lie that ‘Im comfortable here, and I don’t need to change or ‘but this’ or ‘but that’.  Change is difficult and I really don’t want to go through the motions because I have a feeling it’ll hurt.  Usually, or very often, there is a sense of great peace on the other side of that push back.  I’ve absolutely experienced the drastic change for good He accomplishes in me when I’m consistently spending time in prayer and Bible study. He will do that again in me and wants to do it for you too. Galations 5:22-23 lists the Fruit of the Spirt: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, & self-control.  If you’re a Christian, He has already given you these things and He wants to develop them in us too.  If you’re not a Christian, believe me when I tell you that God Loves you and all that’s necessary is to come to Him and ask for Him. I talked about that in my first post :). 

This picture of meeting a friend for dinner keeps coming to mind. We’re good friends and we care for each other but we sit there in silence the entire meal and in this picture I think thats what a good friend is, someone who is around.  Or worse yet, I go to meet my friend for dinner, but sit with someone else and enjoy an entire evening with them without ever acknowledging my friend who I came to meet.  Now, I want a good conversation and some laughs like the next person and God does too; He even wants so much more than that, He wants genuine intimacy. We can’t get that sitting there silent or spending our time thinking or doing a million other things.  We have to move into an active relationship with Him just like we would in our most intimate human relationships.

I think its about time I figure out how to do that again.  Meet my Savior and not get wrapped up in “doing.”  What about you?"

Plans and Purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (NIV).

Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (NIV).

Knowing these promises from God it seems like direct obedience would be easy, but when something is ingrained in our lives its really not.  As I learn to trust Him more I'll naturally obey Him more, Proverbs 3 teaches this.  I'm done with my time being used as a waste land.  I want it to mean something.  Truly.  Difficult or not its time to loosen my grip on these "time stealers" in my life.  Time to live intentionally.

Do you relate?

Robbers

It seems that there are certain things that are obvious destructive behaviors, for instance drug addiction, alcoholism, eating disorders, among others.  If we play any of these things out in the mind's eye 5, 10, 15, and more years if they are there where will these type behaviors take us?  They can and will destroy our physical, emotional, & spiritual health not to mention sending a rift into every relationship in our lives.  If you're participating in one of these things just look around; are your relationships what you thought they'd be? are you physically, emotionally or spiritually healthy?  Its so easy for us to sit in denial, but sometimes there is someone in our lives who sees the problem.

These are not the only things that are destructive. There are many many more things that ruin our lives that are totally hiding right under our noses... innocently.  I just got a picture of a trailer for a horror movie in my mind all of a sudden: some picture of innocence that turns out to be a terrible monster. 

It doesn't matter if destructive is obvious or not, we must get it out of our lives!

I'm realizing how my time is laced with "time stealers" robbing me of my time with my husband and children, friends, family, and most importantly God!  These time stealers are destructive to every relationship in my life not to mention stealing my emotional and spiritual health.  really its unbelievable.  Giving it up is like giving up a drug.  Addiction is so serious.

Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (NIV).

Lord. please carry me... drag me out of this if you have to... that I can be wrapped in your Loving embrace everyday and into eternity. 

Just Ask

It is in the 11pm hour on Thursday night, I write most of these the night before I post them.  I've had something on my mind all day today and for a lot of this past week.  I realize that the underlying theme of this blog is the Love of God, but its occurring to me a little more with each passing day how most people do not either realize, recognize, &/or receive the Love of God into their lives. So this is just a little exercise for all of us:
Can you for a moment think back to the worst thing you have ever done in your life.  The thing you're the most ashamed of.  The thing that you'd want to die if anyone found out or if anyone does know its only 1 completely trustworthy non-judgmental person & you kinda wish that person didn't know.  Got that thing in mind? ok.. good...
God Loved you SO much even in that darkest moment of your life that He sent His Son (who is part of 1 God) to live; die; conquer death, hell, & the grave being raised from the dead, & then ascend into heaven... all so we could be with Him both now on earth and then face to face for eternity in heaven. He came so that we might have life, and that we might have it more abundantly (John 10:10).  Abundantly meaning that he won't leave us in that dark place, he came to help us live in the light which is by far a much happier place than the darkness, for genuine peace is here in the light.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil.  Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”

He Loves us SO MUCH that He gave it ALL to be with us, even when we were at our worst.  Romans 5:6-8, "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (NIV).

Ok, now someone reading this might be thinking, "well, I'm not THAT bad its not like I'm like this person or like that person..."  So your 'dark place' isn't that dark, but I'm sure you'd agree that perfection is still a long way off. Everyone has sinned, good people sin just like everyone else in the world (you still have your own personal worst just like me) and any sin (big or small by human standard) keeps us from an intimate relationship with our creator.  Anything that keeps us from that intimate relationship with Him is why He needed to 'go to so much trouble' to be with us.

He takes your life personally, and so He went through a lot to be with you.
I think each person who reads this will be in a different place in life and will therefore each receive it in a different way.  No matter where you are you can pray.   God can help you: if you need faith to find it, if you need salvation to ask for it, if you're already a Christian and you haven't received His Love to get to a place where you can begin to receive it again-- just ask.  Where ever you are God is more than willing to help you get to the place where you finally possess His Love in your life... just ask Him to get you there.  He did it for me, He's done it for lots of people, He knew where your darkest place was before you would experience it and Loves you and wants to be with you.
Just ask... He will carry you daily.

Accomplished

Nehemiah is kind of a cool book of the Bible.  The people had been freed from slavery and they were living in their land again, but the wall of the city was rubble and the gates had been burned down.  The people were deeply sad because of it.  It seems that the wall represented many things like the defining of the property and its service to the people's protection from the outside, among other things.  So Nehemiah started to rebuild the walls and help from the Israelites started pouring in & 'the people of the land' ridiculed them for building and made fun of the structure.  The building of the wall continued even with the threat of attack.
Nehemiah 4:21-23, "So we carried on the work with half of them holding spears from dawn until the stars appeared.  At that time I also said to the people, 'Let each man with his servant spend the night within Jerusalem so that they may be a guard for us by night and a laborer by day.' So neither I , my brother, my servants, nor the men of the guard who followed me, none of us removed our clothes, each took his weapon even to the water" (NASB).

As I was reading this it reminded me of the shield of faith in the armor of God (Ephesians 6).   It is our protection against the attacks of our enemy the devil.  I think my faith wavered so much while I was not receiving the Love of God that it was much like the wall that Nehemiah was rebuilding. So now as the Lord is forging my shield of faith with me again, I really have to be on the look out.  I need to be carrying my sword of truth (the Word of God), I need my belt of truth and breastplate of righteousness on (we talked about those in the last wk or more), and I need the helmet of salvation on too (I'm sure we'll talk about that soon). At any rate the people had to be on the look out all the time ready to defend themselves as they rebuilt the wall and I better be doing the same thing. The enemy of our souls wants to sift us as wheat and is seeking whom he may devour (Luke 22:31, 1 Peter 5:8).

So the wall was completed in 52 days. "And it came about when all our enemies heard of it, and all the nations surrounding us saw it, they lost their confidence; for they recognized that this work had been accomplished with the help of our God."  Receive the Love of God and put on the full armor of God, let God reforge the parts that are incomplete, and the enemy will lose confidence because we are accomplished with the help of our God.

Captivating

Over the past several weeks I've been feeling this pull to prayer. I'm not talking about a 2 minute prayer or the blessing over a meal. I'm talkin' full out, real, heart felt, down to the nitty gritty kinda prayin! I'm talking about the kind of conversation that is so enthralling you just can't walk away from it and end up all night in interest, like you do when you first start dating that guy/girl you're interested in. Its so captivating. That's it! Captivating prayer. I think the last time I prayed like that I was in Bible College. I prayed like that most of the time in those days, though I think my understanding of God's Love was off by a lot. I really wanted to be with Him.

I don't want it to be like that again. I want it to be what it should be. A relationship with God that is completely enveloped in His all powerful Love and really wanting to be with Him. He has always Loved me this way, I can just see it more clearly now & getting better vision of it with each passing day. I'll share with you some of what I've read today on the subject of prayer:

In Jim Cymbabla's book "Fresh Wind Fresh Fire" he references J.B. Phillips' insight on Acts 2. This is what stood out for me, "The Holy Spirit has a way of short-circuiting human problems. Indeed, in exactly the same way as Jesus Christ in the flesh cut right through the matted layers of tradition and exposed the real issue; ... so we find here (in Acts) the Spirit of Jesus dealing not so much with problems as with people."

I'm personally just feeling this need to pray until my spirit is so hydrated and full that it is overflowing and to just keep praying to constant overflowing. Prayer changes things; God can lead us when we pray. I've believed a lie about prayer for the majority of my Christian walk. I thought that since God wanted something as badly if not more than I did then why should I bother praying about it, he has it covered. That's not really the point of prayer. It is far more than that!! It is so powerful; why would the enemy want us to know the truth?

"God no longer centers his presence in one particular building (as He does in the Old Testament). In fact, the New Testament teaches that we are now his dwelling place; he lives in his people. How much more important, then, is Jesus' message about the primacy of prayer?" (Jim Cymbala, Fresh Wind Fresh Fire-- italics, mine).

Romans 10:13, "“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved" (NIV). This is prayer #1 for any person; I did this on March 27, 1995. I sought God and offered myself & received Him in return; I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine (Song of Soloman 6:3).

1 Timothy 2:1, urges us to pray for each other, "I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone" (NIV).

1 Timothy 2:8, "I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing" (NIV). We should definetly "get things right" with people before praying. I have asked forgivness for things before that I was confident I had every right to "stand my ground" but situations that cause bitterness in my heart after I've made myself a jerk, severing a connection in the body of Christ is cause to ask forgiveness. At the same time I've had to ask forgiveness I've also had to forgive someone who has "done me wrong". Its nice to be able to pray with a clear conscience. This verse also is a call to pray together, not always alone!!! Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them" (NIV). Eccleciastes 4:12, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken (NIV).

Matthew 6:6, "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to yourFather, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you" (NIV). We need a private prayer life with God too, but even when 2 or 3 are gathered it is important that it is a private meeting.

I like how Jim Cymbala describes Revalation 5:8, "The book of Revelation says that when the twenty-four elders eventually fall at the feet of Jesus, each one will have a golden bowl- and do you know what's in the bowls? What is this incense that is so fragrant to Christ? "the prayers of the saints" (Rev. 5:8). Just imagine... you and I kneel or stand or sit down to pray, really opening our hearts to God- and what we say is so precious to him that he keeps it like a treasure." Beautiful.

This is how Jesus teaches us pray in Matthew 6:

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street cornersto be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. Butwhen you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done insecret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

“This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come,

your will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (NIV).

This is an outline of how to pray, not just something to memorize and quote to God. He wants us to be specific in our praise to Him, specific in our thankfulness, specific in our forgiveness, specific in our prayer to lead a godly life... and He definitely doesn't want us babbling a bunch of nothingness to Him that is not anywhere near heart felt. He wants us real and raw toward Him. Why hide? He already knows every single detail about us & every utterance we ever had or ever will make.

I so want to Love Him like He Loves me and to be with Him in prayer, the way it is meant to be. Captivating prayer. That is my goal.