Saturday, December 29, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Today I went to a funeral
Today I went to a funeral. My grandmother's sister passed away on Christmas Eve. We spent every thanksgiving at her house when we were growing up & she brought 2 of her granddaughters to visit us fairly often. The church was completely packed today! Strange thing for a woman in her 80s. She lived in a small town & taught there for over 30 years, everyone knew Mrs. Davis. She was also faithful in church and constantly doing something to help or encourage others. She was fiercely independent.
Her life got me thinking again about my contribution to my church & my town. Being there today was an encouragement to live fully & to be committed-- to have passion to make a difference, to get out there & do something to spread that passion. To live my life for Christ.
Her life got me thinking again about my contribution to my church & my town. Being there today was an encouragement to live fully & to be committed-- to have passion to make a difference, to get out there & do something to spread that passion. To live my life for Christ.
Making a major change
For several months now I've preoccupied my time with a lot of in-necessity. It's become a weight that feels like I'm shackled to the bottom of the ocean. I'm breaking free. Jesus came that we could live set free & for that I am devoted to Him. My use of time is getting a good decluttering & a major rearranging-- I think this is one of my biggest struggles. Parenthood does not give my body the liberty to live the night owl type life I think I thrive on, instead it requires that I live more structured and disciplined. It's something I haven't done in months & the added weight of insomnia has been pushing me over the edge for a few wks now. The Lord has a purpose for all of this and I praise Him. But I'm seeking to make peace with Him in this seemingly simple discipline.
If I told you what my schedule for the last several months has been, you'd be shocked. And as I wrote out a timeline of the perfect wk, I put all of my necessary activities in first and guess what!? There was little to no room left for anything else. Which means 50+% of how I spend my time has GOT to go. There's just no time left. I was stunned when I saw it all on paper! No wonder The Lord has been pushing me to stop these things!! Why have I been so stubborn? We have an enemy seeking to consume our lives & our focus can easily get shifted & the thing we need the least begins to feel like it must be the most important thing in our lives. It feels like giving it up or restructuring our lives would hurt us, even when it's clearly reeking havoc in our lives.
If I told you what my schedule for the last several months has been, you'd be shocked. And as I wrote out a timeline of the perfect wk, I put all of my necessary activities in first and guess what!? There was little to no room left for anything else. Which means 50+% of how I spend my time has GOT to go. There's just no time left. I was stunned when I saw it all on paper! No wonder The Lord has been pushing me to stop these things!! Why have I been so stubborn? We have an enemy seeking to consume our lives & our focus can easily get shifted & the thing we need the least begins to feel like it must be the most important thing in our lives. It feels like giving it up or restructuring our lives would hurt us, even when it's clearly reeking havoc in our lives.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
happily married
I realized something this week.
Christmas Day 10 years ago, Scott and I had known each other for 7 months. We were engaged & planning our wedding. I love being married to him & I give all my thanks to God for him, because I would have never married him on my own. It was God who pointed out to me that I loved him; I argued with God about that, until I realized it was true. I loved Scott. How? In my brokenness I did not see it, but I loved Him like one person loves another & not romantically at all. He had become my best friend and biggest cheerleader, I admired him more than anyone, and there was no romance. I finally followed Christ into a relationship--there's a first for everything. And it was there that I found the man who far exceeded my wildest dreams.
Of course, we've been married for 9 1/2 years now and when I've given thanks for him I've loved him the more and been happy in our marriage. When I became critical, judging, & unthankful; I also became unhappy. Scott hasn't ever really changed; he's had his own life up and downs but none of that made me feel a certain way about him. How I chose to view him whether critically or complementary made me happy or unhappy-- nothing more.
I've been thinking about this all week, trying to figure out how my happiness in marriage has played out. I'm thankful for my husband and try to focus on the qualities about him & our life together that are my favorite. I'm still learning to give thanks in every circumstance-- when his toothbrush is gross, or his attitude reeks-- they are opportunities for my character to grow and learn how the Lord would have me to react (usually it's to dismiss it or counter & be encouraging). Potential character development is something to be thankful for. Scott gets irritated with me a lot-- I would too, if I lived with me-- but he has 99.9% of the time not criticized me to my face, but rather taken his frustration to God. Taking my marital frustration to God almost always causes me to see my own downfall and take responsibility for "my side of the street". I've learned a lot about how to happily live with someone from Scott. He's awesome like that. :)
Christmas Day 10 years ago, Scott and I had known each other for 7 months. We were engaged & planning our wedding. I love being married to him & I give all my thanks to God for him, because I would have never married him on my own. It was God who pointed out to me that I loved him; I argued with God about that, until I realized it was true. I loved Scott. How? In my brokenness I did not see it, but I loved Him like one person loves another & not romantically at all. He had become my best friend and biggest cheerleader, I admired him more than anyone, and there was no romance. I finally followed Christ into a relationship--there's a first for everything. And it was there that I found the man who far exceeded my wildest dreams.
Of course, we've been married for 9 1/2 years now and when I've given thanks for him I've loved him the more and been happy in our marriage. When I became critical, judging, & unthankful; I also became unhappy. Scott hasn't ever really changed; he's had his own life up and downs but none of that made me feel a certain way about him. How I chose to view him whether critically or complementary made me happy or unhappy-- nothing more.
I've been thinking about this all week, trying to figure out how my happiness in marriage has played out. I'm thankful for my husband and try to focus on the qualities about him & our life together that are my favorite. I'm still learning to give thanks in every circumstance-- when his toothbrush is gross, or his attitude reeks-- they are opportunities for my character to grow and learn how the Lord would have me to react (usually it's to dismiss it or counter & be encouraging). Potential character development is something to be thankful for. Scott gets irritated with me a lot-- I would too, if I lived with me-- but he has 99.9% of the time not criticized me to my face, but rather taken his frustration to God. Taking my marital frustration to God almost always causes me to see my own downfall and take responsibility for "my side of the street". I've learned a lot about how to happily live with someone from Scott. He's awesome like that. :)
giving thanks
Christmas Eve has me thinking about thankfulness. Thinking about my childhood Christmases and what others' were like. Santa, no Santa, presents, or not and either being ungrateful myself or seeing others' ungratefulness. Remembering being happy about gifts, but never quite feeling "good enough" for the toys advertised on Nickelodeon. That's dumb, I know. I don't even remember if I ever actually bothered asking for some of that stuff, like my children do (they got a Disney channel advertised toy this year). But thinking about other people's & my own childhood Christmases I was reminded about the power in giving thanks.
1 Thessalonians 5:8, "in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (NASB).
As an adult I have so much of what I wished for as a child: a man-- a husband who loves me, the "American dream", really great friends, I've "proven" that I'm smarter that I've ever thought or think I am... Sometimes I still feel like I'm not good enough for any good thing in this life & I very often feel stupid-- childhood junk that's still there. But here's the point of all of this: whether I have nothing or everything, when I give thanks in every circumstance I will find contentment and unparalleled joy. If I've learned anything in the last 6 months it how to have this joyful heart-- thanks giving. When I don't give thanks I will always wish my life, my circumstances were vastly different-- even if what I have is over the moon amazing.
Merry Christmas and all my thanks to Him-- Jesus-- who is the greatest gift, who is the Spirit of Christmas, who is the reason for giving, who is to the heart everything that people say Santa is.
Joy to the World, the Lord has come.
1 Thessalonians 5:8, "in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (NASB).
As an adult I have so much of what I wished for as a child: a man-- a husband who loves me, the "American dream", really great friends, I've "proven" that I'm smarter that I've ever thought or think I am... Sometimes I still feel like I'm not good enough for any good thing in this life & I very often feel stupid-- childhood junk that's still there. But here's the point of all of this: whether I have nothing or everything, when I give thanks in every circumstance I will find contentment and unparalleled joy. If I've learned anything in the last 6 months it how to have this joyful heart-- thanks giving. When I don't give thanks I will always wish my life, my circumstances were vastly different-- even if what I have is over the moon amazing.
Merry Christmas and all my thanks to Him-- Jesus-- who is the greatest gift, who is the Spirit of Christmas, who is the reason for giving, who is to the heart everything that people say Santa is.
Joy to the World, the Lord has come.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
a little behind
I got a little behind somehow. There were days of unfaithfulness to daily share this journey or to daily journey. Both. In my desperate need for God I still grew complacent as if I did not need Him at all. We do that-- we humans. We look at ourselves and become happy with what we see in a moment-- pride. Then we slide out of that place as our grip loosens on Christ and grasps onto self-will, self-preservation. There is only preservation in Him, when we grasp onto Him & who we think ourselves to be dies and who we really were created to be thrives.
Recognizing my personal need for pressure to remind me of my incessant need for Him.
Lord of the Rings is on... the ring just melted in the lava river; but not before I was reminded of what Tolkien meant that ring to represent-- temptation. It pressures us, making us think we need the thing we're tempted to have or do. The ring in fact destroys Shmeegle, as he gave in to the ring (temptation). Giving in to it dominates us just as our enemy, the Devil seeks to consume us.
I cannot forget my need for my Savior in the midst of recognizing godly triumph in my life. I need Him to move forward, to walk in triumph-- His triumph, not my own. It is His power, His grace, His mercy... It is only Him, and not an ounce of me.
Recognizing my personal need for pressure to remind me of my incessant need for Him.
Lord of the Rings is on... the ring just melted in the lava river; but not before I was reminded of what Tolkien meant that ring to represent-- temptation. It pressures us, making us think we need the thing we're tempted to have or do. The ring in fact destroys Shmeegle, as he gave in to the ring (temptation). Giving in to it dominates us just as our enemy, the Devil seeks to consume us.
I cannot forget my need for my Savior in the midst of recognizing godly triumph in my life. I need Him to move forward, to walk in triumph-- His triumph, not my own. It is His power, His grace, His mercy... It is only Him, and not an ounce of me.
love this rendition of Carol of the Bells
this is so beautiful!!
still making room
Continuing with the thought from yesterday...
"for there was no room in the Inn." Luke 1.
Once our hearts are turned upside down-- which is really right side up-- for Christ it is our life's mission to turn the world upside down to make room for Him. It starts with the people we know and continues to branch off from exactly that place. The last couple of days I've been thinking of a far off branch that is just barely connected to my life; and how in the world a person even begins to reach that far. But God connects the dots as you reach further and further and your circle of influence grows and grows.
The specific area that's been on my mind is that of human trafficking. A few months ago I read this book-- "Undaunted" by Christine Caine. She shines this big bright light on human-sex trafficking, and my heart bent, and I wondered how in the world I could ever make any kind of difference. Last night, Scott and I watched a movie-- "Taken". It's not one I'd usually watch, because I knew his kid was taken and stuff like that just freaks me out and tends to make me worry about my own children. I didn't get concerned about mine, but I remembered the children I met on the streets of Moldova 10 years ago who were owned by mafia. I've wanted to adopt from there ever since. I don't know how the Lord is going to move in my present & future to make a real difference in this area. The point and idea is to make a difference, to make room for Christ in the world that I live in today. How far can i reach?
Today. I can reach my husband, and children, my church, I can give to organizations like World Vision and Compassion International that help children in impoverished countries. How far can I reach? How far can you?
Making room for Christ; because He lives in me, because I know Him, because I know who He is. He is Savior and He is God.
Happy Birthday, Jesus.
<3
"for there was no room in the Inn." Luke 1.
Once our hearts are turned upside down-- which is really right side up-- for Christ it is our life's mission to turn the world upside down to make room for Him. It starts with the people we know and continues to branch off from exactly that place. The last couple of days I've been thinking of a far off branch that is just barely connected to my life; and how in the world a person even begins to reach that far. But God connects the dots as you reach further and further and your circle of influence grows and grows.
The specific area that's been on my mind is that of human trafficking. A few months ago I read this book-- "Undaunted" by Christine Caine. She shines this big bright light on human-sex trafficking, and my heart bent, and I wondered how in the world I could ever make any kind of difference. Last night, Scott and I watched a movie-- "Taken". It's not one I'd usually watch, because I knew his kid was taken and stuff like that just freaks me out and tends to make me worry about my own children. I didn't get concerned about mine, but I remembered the children I met on the streets of Moldova 10 years ago who were owned by mafia. I've wanted to adopt from there ever since. I don't know how the Lord is going to move in my present & future to make a real difference in this area. The point and idea is to make a difference, to make room for Christ in the world that I live in today. How far can i reach?
Today. I can reach my husband, and children, my church, I can give to organizations like World Vision and Compassion International that help children in impoverished countries. How far can I reach? How far can you?
Making room for Christ; because He lives in me, because I know Him, because I know who He is. He is Savior and He is God.
Happy Birthday, Jesus.
<3
Saturday, December 22, 2012
no room
Luke 2:7, "And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths,
and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn" (NASB)
Only a few were paying enough attention to prophesy playing out in the world to realize that God had come to live in flesh. Emanuel. Most didn't notice; so much so that He wasn't born anywhere comfortable but where the animals were kept. There was no room for Him in the inn.
And we must ask ourselves, have I made room for Him? The Lord is very specifically showing me how I haven't; where in my life I'm keeping full of other things. I'm still learning to let Him Love me and making peace with His will. When Jesus was born they would've turned the inn upside down to welcome Him in, if they had realized who He was. Sometimes life might feel like He wants to turn us upside down and ruin it; but when our Creator turns our lives upside down it actually welcomes in LIFE: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, & self-control. What seems like normal living to us could be the exact thing He seeks to change. Every life is different and we each have to seek Him for His daily will and direction. Most of all seek Him simply to know Him and He is steady and never changing... after all, if the Creator of the Universe wants to know you, don't you want to know Him too? Making peace with Him. ...
Peace on Earth.
Only a few were paying enough attention to prophesy playing out in the world to realize that God had come to live in flesh. Emanuel. Most didn't notice; so much so that He wasn't born anywhere comfortable but where the animals were kept. There was no room for Him in the inn.
And we must ask ourselves, have I made room for Him? The Lord is very specifically showing me how I haven't; where in my life I'm keeping full of other things. I'm still learning to let Him Love me and making peace with His will. When Jesus was born they would've turned the inn upside down to welcome Him in, if they had realized who He was. Sometimes life might feel like He wants to turn us upside down and ruin it; but when our Creator turns our lives upside down it actually welcomes in LIFE: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, & self-control. What seems like normal living to us could be the exact thing He seeks to change. Every life is different and we each have to seek Him for His daily will and direction. Most of all seek Him simply to know Him and He is steady and never changing... after all, if the Creator of the Universe wants to know you, don't you want to know Him too? Making peace with Him. ...
Peace on Earth.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
His Love
I don't know about you, but it's easy for me to forget that God Loves me. It's because I start focusing on questioning why He loves me and it's all down hill from there. Why would He? Disobedience, ungodly use of His gift of time, ingratitude, self-centeredness...
And I re-read:
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...” (1 Corinthians 13--NASB).
It is how God Loves us. His Love for me. His Love for you, for this whole broken world does not hinge on our goodness, or gratitude, or any such thing; rather His Love for us binds because we exist.
And I re-read:
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...” (1 Corinthians 13--NASB).
It is how God Loves us. His Love for me. His Love for you, for this whole broken world does not hinge on our goodness, or gratitude, or any such thing; rather His Love for us binds because we exist.
Mary's Song
And Mary said,
"I’m bursting with God-news;
I’m dancing the song of my Savior God. God took one good look at me, and look what happened— I’m the most fortunate woman on earth!
What God has done for me will never be forgotten, the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others. His mercy flows in wave after wave
on those who are in awe before him. He bared his arm and showed his strength,
"I’m bursting with God-news;
I’m dancing the song of my Savior God. God took one good look at me, and look what happened— I’m the most fortunate woman on earth!
What God has done for me will never be forgotten, the God whose very name is holy, set apart from all others. His mercy flows in wave after wave
on those who are in awe before him. He bared his arm and showed his strength,
scattered the bluffing braggarts. He knocked tyrants off their high
horses, pulled victims out of the mud. The starving poor sat down to a
banquet; the callous rich were left out in the cold.
He embraced his chosen child, Israel; he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high. It’s exactly what he promised, beginning with Abraham and right up to now." Luke 1:46-55
He embraced his chosen child, Israel; he remembered and piled on the mercies, piled them high. It’s exactly what he promised, beginning with Abraham and right up to now." Luke 1:46-55
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
friendship building
In Tuesday's post I said, "To have a daily, private, uninterupted prayer time--- time totally
alone with Him-- talking out loud to Him, and listening to Him speak to
our hearts." But I missed something.
Posture in prayer. Jesus taught us that the posture of our hearts is the most important thing, no matter what prayerful posture we take. People can easily look one way but their hearts couldn't be further from Him. Through out scripture people prayed in all sorts of postures, each one reflecting their hearts.
standing when requesting provision (Gen 24:12-14)
kneeling with face to the ground worshiping (Ex34:8)
sitting and crying (Judges 20:26)
on knees giving thanks & praying (Daniel 6:10)
beating one's chest recognizing one's own need for mercy (Luke 18:13)
begging on knees (Mark 1:40)
with lifted hands in prayer (1Tim 2:8)
(Reference list came from John MacArthur Jr.)
As I read these verses for myself learning the attitude behind each posture I recognized even more the posture of apathy. But when I humble myself to bow & come before the Creator, the apathy dissipates and I'm left in awe of God. Sometimes it starts with picking a posture besides that of apathy and getting with God.
Obviously, the physical can be in any position as we pray with out ceasing; but what a wonderful thing it is to pause daily in that private, uninterupted, prayerfully postured, conversational prayer time. We spend this kind of time with people we love... I love private, uninterupted time with my best friends, & when I'm interested in what they're saying my posture shows it, and as much as I love to talk I want to hear what my best friends thing about stuff. As I grow to Love God more and more, these things will spring to life in this type of prayer time with Him. Prayer truly has everything to do with the attitude of my heart... see when I'm not friends with someone all of those same attributes are no more. Prayer is all about building a friendship with God.
Posture in prayer. Jesus taught us that the posture of our hearts is the most important thing, no matter what prayerful posture we take. People can easily look one way but their hearts couldn't be further from Him. Through out scripture people prayed in all sorts of postures, each one reflecting their hearts.
standing when requesting provision (Gen 24:12-14)
kneeling with face to the ground worshiping (Ex34:8)
sitting and crying (Judges 20:26)
on knees giving thanks & praying (Daniel 6:10)
beating one's chest recognizing one's own need for mercy (Luke 18:13)
begging on knees (Mark 1:40)
with lifted hands in prayer (1Tim 2:8)
(Reference list came from John MacArthur Jr.)
As I read these verses for myself learning the attitude behind each posture I recognized even more the posture of apathy. But when I humble myself to bow & come before the Creator, the apathy dissipates and I'm left in awe of God. Sometimes it starts with picking a posture besides that of apathy and getting with God.
Obviously, the physical can be in any position as we pray with out ceasing; but what a wonderful thing it is to pause daily in that private, uninterupted, prayerfully postured, conversational prayer time. We spend this kind of time with people we love... I love private, uninterupted time with my best friends, & when I'm interested in what they're saying my posture shows it, and as much as I love to talk I want to hear what my best friends thing about stuff. As I grow to Love God more and more, these things will spring to life in this type of prayer time with Him. Prayer truly has everything to do with the attitude of my heart... see when I'm not friends with someone all of those same attributes are no more. Prayer is all about building a friendship with God.
links on Advent
Her blog posts this month have changed my viewpoint
on Christmas. I love these and feel a lot more excitement about the Christmas season this year than ever before. My children are even more excited about giving through the month... time to get some of these things into practice!
Click on the link to check out some profound thinking on advent.
www.aholyexperience.com
I loved the ideas this blogger gives:
light em up 12
Here's a link to Christmas coloring pages :):
nativity coloring
on Christmas. I love these and feel a lot more excitement about the Christmas season this year than ever before. My children are even more excited about giving through the month... time to get some of these things into practice!
Click on the link to check out some profound thinking on advent.
www.aholyexperience.com
I loved the ideas this blogger gives:
light em up 12
Here's a link to Christmas coloring pages :):
nativity coloring
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
combatting spiritual anorexia
When the Lord shows us something it is important to dig deeper, ask questions, learn more from HIM. I have this tendency to ignore a problem until it goes away, in any given area of life. I'll ignore my health, comfort, emotional issues, spiritual issues-- anything. It's something the Lord is pointing out in me. Most of the time when HE is pointing out things like my pride issue last week, there is much I'll miss simply because I didn't dig deeper.
He has been whispering to my heart about digging deeper, changing my personal prayer life, & personal Bible Study. I've done nothing to change-- not really. I believe it's something that He is asking of all of His followers; to dig deeper into Him. To have a daily, private, uninterupted prayer time--- time totally alone with Him-- talking out loud to Him, and listening to Him speak to our hearts. Each of these details may seem like total common sense to you, or like me they may not seem so important that they'd make any difference. In the past few months I've found that each of these details makes an exponential difference. Private Bible study also makes the same difference in our lives. We need both private prayer & Bible study. Jesus Himself confirmed Moses' words, "Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word from the mouth of God." Without this kind of private prayer time and Bible study we are spiritually starving ourselves. Spiritually anorexic. As much as I like physical food this should be a bigger deal to me than it has been... We kill ourselves when we don't eat physical food, and our bodies implode. Physical anorexia attacks the bones first, but the most life threatening attack is on the heart. The fact is that it's a mult-system disease & it shuts down the body-- it starts taking effect before a person ever looks thin. (physical anorexic info came from webmd.com) Spiritual anorexia effects us in a similar way in our spiritual bodies, it starts taking effect long before anyone else would notice. This is why it's the very first thing the enemy wants to get at in our lives!! It's why Paul pleads with us to put on the full armor of God.
Ephesians 6:10-18
" Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."
He has been whispering to my heart about digging deeper, changing my personal prayer life, & personal Bible Study. I've done nothing to change-- not really. I believe it's something that He is asking of all of His followers; to dig deeper into Him. To have a daily, private, uninterupted prayer time--- time totally alone with Him-- talking out loud to Him, and listening to Him speak to our hearts. Each of these details may seem like total common sense to you, or like me they may not seem so important that they'd make any difference. In the past few months I've found that each of these details makes an exponential difference. Private Bible study also makes the same difference in our lives. We need both private prayer & Bible study. Jesus Himself confirmed Moses' words, "Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word from the mouth of God." Without this kind of private prayer time and Bible study we are spiritually starving ourselves. Spiritually anorexic. As much as I like physical food this should be a bigger deal to me than it has been... We kill ourselves when we don't eat physical food, and our bodies implode. Physical anorexia attacks the bones first, but the most life threatening attack is on the heart. The fact is that it's a mult-system disease & it shuts down the body-- it starts taking effect before a person ever looks thin. (physical anorexic info came from webmd.com) Spiritual anorexia effects us in a similar way in our spiritual bodies, it starts taking effect long before anyone else would notice. This is why it's the very first thing the enemy wants to get at in our lives!! It's why Paul pleads with us to put on the full armor of God.
Ephesians 6:10-18
" Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."
Monday, December 10, 2012
group Bible Study coming soon...
Hitting the "restart" button on group Bible Study & we're meeting exactly one month from today for our first group.
The month of January we'll be studying the Fruit of the Spirit: Love- each of it's facets & how to recognize specific struggles as love's opposites being pruned from our hearts so that Love can grow. Everyone is invited to join us! If you are in the Danville area and would like to attend please just let me know!
The original language of the New Testiment is Greek and there are 3 different words that translate into English. The word for Love as a Fruit of the Spirit is Agape; it is Godly Love. Agape is how God Loves us; He literally desires to do good to us, in the midst of this human life of chaos. The very fact that God loves us like this astounds me! He desires to do good to me-- He wants to!! Godly good, not human good-- the two things are different. We can trust difficult seasons to the Lord because, even though life is full of painful experiences, He only desires to do good to us.
Could I ask you a favor? Please pray for me while I prepare for this? I'm so excited, and so nervous, etc... Please pray that the Lord will give me the exact words to say and that everyone coming-- all of us-- hear from God and that we're moved to grow in Him. <3
The month of January we'll be studying the Fruit of the Spirit: Love- each of it's facets & how to recognize specific struggles as love's opposites being pruned from our hearts so that Love can grow. Everyone is invited to join us! If you are in the Danville area and would like to attend please just let me know!
The original language of the New Testiment is Greek and there are 3 different words that translate into English. The word for Love as a Fruit of the Spirit is Agape; it is Godly Love. Agape is how God Loves us; He literally desires to do good to us, in the midst of this human life of chaos. The very fact that God loves us like this astounds me! He desires to do good to me-- He wants to!! Godly good, not human good-- the two things are different. We can trust difficult seasons to the Lord because, even though life is full of painful experiences, He only desires to do good to us.
Could I ask you a favor? Please pray for me while I prepare for this? I'm so excited, and so nervous, etc... Please pray that the Lord will give me the exact words to say and that everyone coming-- all of us-- hear from God and that we're moved to grow in Him. <3
parenting.
Parenting. My favorite part is cuddling with my babies. I call it "lovings". I get Madelyn lovings, Isabelle lovings, Nathan lovings, and Amelia lovings. I think so far Amelia is the most affectionate; she'll come to me randomly just to snuggle... though Isabelle did too when she was two. It's like pulling teeth to get Isabelle to give lovings to me now. It's like I have to catch her, but now and then she'll cave and let me hug and hug her and kiss her sweet little cheeks. A few days ago I was holding her and told her that I needed her lovings, and hugged and hugged and hugged her. She giggled and said, "man! you really needed some Isabelle lovings!" hehe. Now Nathan is my sweet boy and he really is super affectionate, he melts my heart to a liquidy mess. And Madelyn. She needs the lovings, but it's so unlike her to give more than just the occasional hug. The only time she gets very cozy cuddly is when she's: (a) sick, or (b) has been enthrawled with company for a couple of days and hasn't been interested in spending time with me, and in the days after they leave she needs a ton of extra love to catch up. When Madelyn was a toddler, though it was sad to see her sick, I loved getting to hold her! sad. but true.
It seems as though giving our affections to God happens mostly when we're hurting and need Him to fix something going wrong in our lives; but He like any parent longs for a lovings when everything is wonderful. I want my children to come to me when they're hurting & when they're happy. I love being with them. Of course, God is perfect and loves us even more than any human parent could ever imagine attaining to. His love is pure and unselfish. He wants the absolute best for us, even if it's going to hurt us to give us wonderful overflowing blessing. He sacrificed every convenience for us. His love is unmatched. I want to - want to give Him all of my affections all the time. Lord please fill me with Your Love and Joy, over and over, that I can give it back to You and out to others as Your hands and feet.
<3
It seems as though giving our affections to God happens mostly when we're hurting and need Him to fix something going wrong in our lives; but He like any parent longs for a lovings when everything is wonderful. I want my children to come to me when they're hurting & when they're happy. I love being with them. Of course, God is perfect and loves us even more than any human parent could ever imagine attaining to. His love is pure and unselfish. He wants the absolute best for us, even if it's going to hurt us to give us wonderful overflowing blessing. He sacrificed every convenience for us. His love is unmatched. I want to - want to give Him all of my affections all the time. Lord please fill me with Your Love and Joy, over and over, that I can give it back to You and out to others as Your hands and feet.
<3
Sunday, December 9, 2012
freedom
Saturday, December 8, 2012
a little music to go along with the last 3 days!
Friday, December 7, 2012
fake me..
In salvation, God sets us free from an eternity with out Him. And in this life there after, He seeks to redeem us, to free us from the carnal. Right now for me... He is working to set me free of this fear of rejection, from pride, from perfectionism... from "image management" (a term my Christ-sister coined just this wk). I've recognized a whole list of things in my heart that all boil down to pride. It makes me sad.
My prayer since I was a very young Christian has been that my life would be a reflection of Christ. It feels like I'm failing miserably. But for my life to reflect Christ, it must not be about me at all!!
When it comes right down to it, the One I'm most concerned with pleasing is God and the best way to do that is to constantly run to Him. To be obedient and run to Him; and when I fail (because I do) to run to Him again.
Managing my image with people will eventually create a fake me. Perfectionism will only keep me worried what others think of me, constantly frantic, also creating a fake me. Pride finds self worth in others' missteps, failures, struggle... Pride is competitive, the other person could be doing great, but if I'm even 1 step ahead Pride says I'm better. Pride begs me to create a fake self. Fear of rejection is the driving force to be fake completely; it nags at us and smothers who we really are... Fear of rejection is the bully that pulverizes us until all we can show for it is an image of someone else. Well, through Christ, I've got to break free from all of this fake me stuff. Truly, I didn't even recognize the fake at all. What you see is what you get; but I'll hide something to maintain the management of it all in a red hot second. It's been painful to recognize all of this and give it over to God, but the outcome each day is closeness with Christ and there is peace there, where I can be fully me. And here as you read and I am laid out, completely vulnerable, a huge chunk of all of this insecurity (it's what it all groups into) comes to the surface of my heart to be given over to the Lord. Thank you for reading, it's truly helped to turn all of this pain over to Him where I've grown in peace with the Lord like never before. <3
My prayer since I was a very young Christian has been that my life would be a reflection of Christ. It feels like I'm failing miserably. But for my life to reflect Christ, it must not be about me at all!!
When it comes right down to it, the One I'm most concerned with pleasing is God and the best way to do that is to constantly run to Him. To be obedient and run to Him; and when I fail (because I do) to run to Him again.
Managing my image with people will eventually create a fake me. Perfectionism will only keep me worried what others think of me, constantly frantic, also creating a fake me. Pride finds self worth in others' missteps, failures, struggle... Pride is competitive, the other person could be doing great, but if I'm even 1 step ahead Pride says I'm better. Pride begs me to create a fake self. Fear of rejection is the driving force to be fake completely; it nags at us and smothers who we really are... Fear of rejection is the bully that pulverizes us until all we can show for it is an image of someone else. Well, through Christ, I've got to break free from all of this fake me stuff. Truly, I didn't even recognize the fake at all. What you see is what you get; but I'll hide something to maintain the management of it all in a red hot second. It's been painful to recognize all of this and give it over to God, but the outcome each day is closeness with Christ and there is peace there, where I can be fully me. And here as you read and I am laid out, completely vulnerable, a huge chunk of all of this insecurity (it's what it all groups into) comes to the surface of my heart to be given over to the Lord. Thank you for reading, it's truly helped to turn all of this pain over to Him where I've grown in peace with the Lord like never before. <3
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
we're going on a bear hunt
I've got to say. It is hard to share my failures... to put them all out in the world, like I did yesterday. Most often I don't feel frustrated by others' "junk"... there are plenty of reasons I did in this instance which are unusual... but there is no real, good excuse. Frustration builds and leads to pride. There's no way around it & not one person can escape it!! Every one of us has had to deal with pride. Ev.er.y.one. Sharing it; however, pulls hard at my fears of rejection. Like all these people reading this, whoever they are, are never gonna look at me the same. See it's not unusual for people to talk to me about hard life stuff, because I have this premise of everyone has hard life stuff, and I expect people to have it, and so I don't think differently of people after they've confided in me. That hasn't changed. But sharing my stuff on here, this frustration that brushes against this normal way I have about not thinking differently of people after they confide in me is hard. It is frustrating to see the potential in someone and watch them struggle through the growth, just as I have been in many areas of my own life for a couple months now. It's frustrating to watch, but none of us can escape the struggle of growth either... if you think you have come through and the growth doesn't feel like a strangling anymore, then you may have some pride building. If it's hard & painful to watch someone else grow or even rebel and choose not to grow & frustration is building-- check your heart for pride.
Of course, some of the intense pain of the growth (or rebellion) has much to do with making peace with God and His will in growing us into the beauty that He created us to have. When we make that peace, growth will feel less like a strangling and more like, i don't know, an abrasive exfoliation. It still hurts, but once we make peace with God in His growing us it feels less like it's going to kill us and we can see the life He's giving us instead. It's important to ask God to show us our pride, because it will be the first thing to take us down. Please keep me humble, Lord.
Remember the book/ song, "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" from elementary years?? Our son Nathan loves it!! In the story "we" come to several obstacles and the line says "we can't go over it, we can't go under it, we've got to go through it". The tramp through the forest, swim through a river, slosh through mud, and several other places to get to the bear & then again to turn and run home. It's a lesson in life: The only way through it, is through it. I'm definitely wanting to get through this up rooting of insecurities: fear of rejection, pride, & perfectionism--- gonna get through it. The journey through it has everything to do with sinking deeper into the grace & love of God.
Of course, some of the intense pain of the growth (or rebellion) has much to do with making peace with God and His will in growing us into the beauty that He created us to have. When we make that peace, growth will feel less like a strangling and more like, i don't know, an abrasive exfoliation. It still hurts, but once we make peace with God in His growing us it feels less like it's going to kill us and we can see the life He's giving us instead. It's important to ask God to show us our pride, because it will be the first thing to take us down. Please keep me humble, Lord.
Remember the book/ song, "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" from elementary years?? Our son Nathan loves it!! In the story "we" come to several obstacles and the line says "we can't go over it, we can't go under it, we've got to go through it". The tramp through the forest, swim through a river, slosh through mud, and several other places to get to the bear & then again to turn and run home. It's a lesson in life: The only way through it, is through it. I'm definitely wanting to get through this up rooting of insecurities: fear of rejection, pride, & perfectionism--- gonna get through it. The journey through it has everything to do with sinking deeper into the grace & love of God.
crashed
Pride is a sneaky thing. It enters in like the wedding crasher, seemly invited and well loved by the bride and groom. Everyone thinks He belongs as long as he doesn't get caught by the newlyweds. Pride got caught today.
Here's a new-to-me way to recognize it: when someone, anyone is frustrating you, getting on your nerves in anyway it causes us to recognize ourselves as better than the object of our frustration. And of course my reaction to this being said a week ago would've been, "oh! no! I don't think I'm better than anyone!" But the truth is they frustrate us because they're not like we are... or even if they are like us and we don't see it.
One of my best friends and I had a small argument a few days ago, which was the result of a breaking point of frustration with her. The Lord showed me that the reason for my frustration was because much of it is the same frustration I have with myself, or a pet-peeve wrought in me through childhood rejection (a root of insecurity). Tonight we took the time to work through all of this stuff & I had the opportunity to remember why I'm friends with her in the first place. And, God bless her, she was obedient to the Holy Spirit and called me out on my pride... which I don't think she knew much of it involved her (until now) or how I was being prideful. I'm so blessed to have a friend like her, for so many reasons.
It's so sad really. This nasty little thing of pride roots deep in our lives seeking to strangle out relationship and burying us in the enormity of the insecurity that it truly is. So this root of pride coupled with this root of rejection in my life builds up to a massive root system of insecurity in my heart. The cure is security in Christ!! I talked about this a lot over the summer months.
I totally didn't realize I was being taken down. But that's why the Word warns us to be alert in our lives because the devil seeks to consume us.
Here's the fact of the matter... I say it all the time and am still reminding myself of it on a regular basis... still learning: Everyone has struggles. I have struggles that pull at me to hate myself. You have struggles. We all have struggles. The only thing good in anyone is God. So let's give one another a break; I know I sure need one right now.... being how embarrassed I am that I fell into this trap!! Everyone has junk and there is no one who is excluded; it's why/ how we need Christ!
Here's a new-to-me way to recognize it: when someone, anyone is frustrating you, getting on your nerves in anyway it causes us to recognize ourselves as better than the object of our frustration. And of course my reaction to this being said a week ago would've been, "oh! no! I don't think I'm better than anyone!" But the truth is they frustrate us because they're not like we are... or even if they are like us and we don't see it.
One of my best friends and I had a small argument a few days ago, which was the result of a breaking point of frustration with her. The Lord showed me that the reason for my frustration was because much of it is the same frustration I have with myself, or a pet-peeve wrought in me through childhood rejection (a root of insecurity). Tonight we took the time to work through all of this stuff & I had the opportunity to remember why I'm friends with her in the first place. And, God bless her, she was obedient to the Holy Spirit and called me out on my pride... which I don't think she knew much of it involved her (until now) or how I was being prideful. I'm so blessed to have a friend like her, for so many reasons.
It's so sad really. This nasty little thing of pride roots deep in our lives seeking to strangle out relationship and burying us in the enormity of the insecurity that it truly is. So this root of pride coupled with this root of rejection in my life builds up to a massive root system of insecurity in my heart. The cure is security in Christ!! I talked about this a lot over the summer months.
I totally didn't realize I was being taken down. But that's why the Word warns us to be alert in our lives because the devil seeks to consume us.
Here's the fact of the matter... I say it all the time and am still reminding myself of it on a regular basis... still learning: Everyone has struggles. I have struggles that pull at me to hate myself. You have struggles. We all have struggles. The only thing good in anyone is God. So let's give one another a break; I know I sure need one right now.... being how embarrassed I am that I fell into this trap!! Everyone has junk and there is no one who is excluded; it's why/ how we need Christ!
Monday, December 3, 2012
I just don't feel like it.
It seems like my keys, or my phone, or both are constantly missing. It's typically for one of 2 reasons: I put them somewhere I typically don't -or- One of the 4 little people that live in my house put them somewhere I typically don't (ie. they ran off with them and didn't tell me). Today it was in my pocket... it was in my pocket.... I searched for 2 hours. It's a smart phone and has 1/2 my life in it; I'm sure most of you can relate. My brain is either in a planner or in my phone, but it's definetly not in my head... and without them I don't know what I'm supposed to do today (any day that is "today"). I started to feel a little panicked when I realized that none of the little people had it this morning. It meant that I must've done something with it, but I didn't remember doing anything with it. It meant that it fell out of my pocket and none of the places I'd sat down before realizing it was lost with held my "brain". agh! I stopped looking for it and went about some of my "to do" list. Prayed a little and God started teaching me a lesson.
God's Word shines the light on our lives that we need to know the truth, so that we can know Him, so we can see for direction, so that we can be alert & aware of the enemy's attacks... Similar to my smart phone, but in a far more powerful way the Bible has my "brain" in it, as I don't know what I'm supposed to do today or any day with out it. Life gets dark and lies start seeping in, I get stuck in old habits, & I put myself under spiritual attack when I'm not intentionally feeding myself the Word of God (the Bible).
The answer to the underlying question here is to have devotional time of reading/ memorizing scripture and praying daily whether we feel like it or not. Consistency. It's the road to growth or death... in what ways will I choose to be consistent? I consistently feel like doing all kinds of things besides find my life in Christ, it is human nature; this is why I must choose consistency toward HIM even when I don't feel like it.
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet,
and a light unto my path" (Psalm 119:105, KJV).
The answer to the underlying question here is to have devotional time of reading/ memorizing scripture and praying daily whether we feel like it or not. Consistency. It's the road to growth or death... in what ways will I choose to be consistent? I consistently feel like doing all kinds of things besides find my life in Christ, it is human nature; this is why I must choose consistency toward HIM even when I don't feel like it.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Yes it should be.
Private, uninterrupted, designated Prayer time.
Shouldn't it be more?
Shouldn't it be the favorite part of my day?
Shouldn't it be the 1 thing I enjoy more thank anything else?
Shouldn't I look forward to it more than anything else in my life?
Shouldn't I dread it's end?
Shouldn't I choose Him before all else?
Shouldn't it be scheduled in to my day first, before all the rest of my endless list of responsibility?
Time to spend on my knees before the Creator of the Universe, that turns into endless conversation with Him throughout the day.
I want more of God, for my life's focus to be that of God.
And to answer all those questions up there. Yes. to all of them.
And the fact of the matter is that when we're not with Him, our souls ache to be.
Shouldn't it be more?
Shouldn't it be the favorite part of my day?
Shouldn't it be the 1 thing I enjoy more thank anything else?
Shouldn't I look forward to it more than anything else in my life?
Shouldn't I dread it's end?
Shouldn't I choose Him before all else?
Shouldn't it be scheduled in to my day first, before all the rest of my endless list of responsibility?
Time to spend on my knees before the Creator of the Universe, that turns into endless conversation with Him throughout the day.
I want more of God, for my life's focus to be that of God.
And to answer all those questions up there. Yes. to all of them.
And the fact of the matter is that when we're not with Him, our souls ache to be.
The Start to Advent
Saturday, December 1, 2012
simply
It's always "fun" when hard truth comes to your attention... it's much like having a cinder block lodged at your head. Fun... in a not so much fun kinda way. It's the kind of "fun" that makes you want to cry for hours. I say fun as sarcastically as possible; hard truth is painful.
During some extremely frustrated laments of prayer to God today He pointed out some not so pretty truths in my life. This journey of knowing God more has indeed led me to know Him more, but my intention much of the time has been more "me focused" in that I've been getting closer to Him with the intention of getting clearer direction as soon as possible. It's His direction I've wanted, of course, but what He wants more than anything is for me to want Him more than His direction. To want Him more than what it is He can do for me, how He can better my life. He's already bettered my life by sending His Son, Jesus, for the sins of the world. What more could I ask for?
If I was constantly talking to my husband just to see what I could get out of him, to see what he could do for me; we wouldn't have much of a real relationship. It would be 1 person giving and the other taking constantly. No relationship can survive long term like this, there has to be change and growth, there has to be giving & receiving from both parties... it's what makes the best relationships tick, including relationship with God.
Repenting. Making Him my priority instead of His agenda for me. Simply to know Him, is everything.
During some extremely frustrated laments of prayer to God today He pointed out some not so pretty truths in my life. This journey of knowing God more has indeed led me to know Him more, but my intention much of the time has been more "me focused" in that I've been getting closer to Him with the intention of getting clearer direction as soon as possible. It's His direction I've wanted, of course, but what He wants more than anything is for me to want Him more than His direction. To want Him more than what it is He can do for me, how He can better my life. He's already bettered my life by sending His Son, Jesus, for the sins of the world. What more could I ask for?
If I was constantly talking to my husband just to see what I could get out of him, to see what he could do for me; we wouldn't have much of a real relationship. It would be 1 person giving and the other taking constantly. No relationship can survive long term like this, there has to be change and growth, there has to be giving & receiving from both parties... it's what makes the best relationships tick, including relationship with God.
Repenting. Making Him my priority instead of His agenda for me. Simply to know Him, is everything.
Friday, November 30, 2012
letting go
Speaking of giving up everything to follow Christ. I'm really wondering if any of us really have let go of this world for Him. It seems that salvation is the first step that opens the door to eternal security with God, but somewhere along the line it gets cut short and the layering of fully following Him stops. It's not supposed to stop.
There's a fullness to knowing God that so many of us are missing. There's more I need to let go of so I can follow Him more fully and it feels like my white knuckled spiritual hands may crumble in the letting go. And the verse where Jesus says that it's "easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven", comes to mind. Don't get me wrong here, I'm confident I will be in heaven after this life. However, those of us reading this on our computer or smart phone... we live in excess, like this rich man. There are all kinds of things we couldn't see ourselves going without, and if God asked us to eliminate something from our lives or to eliminate parts of those "important" things we'd be hard pressed.
Once it finally happens and we release our expectations of this life, our possessions, our schedule to the Lord we wonder why it took so long to give over something that in all actuality means little to nothing in exchange for a closer more intimate relationship with the Creator of the Universe, for His infinitely perfect vision & direction on our lives, for real Hope, for everything that means everything.
Paul said it best:
"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith," (Phil 3:8-9, NASB).
There's a fullness to knowing God that so many of us are missing. There's more I need to let go of so I can follow Him more fully and it feels like my white knuckled spiritual hands may crumble in the letting go. And the verse where Jesus says that it's "easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven", comes to mind. Don't get me wrong here, I'm confident I will be in heaven after this life. However, those of us reading this on our computer or smart phone... we live in excess, like this rich man. There are all kinds of things we couldn't see ourselves going without, and if God asked us to eliminate something from our lives or to eliminate parts of those "important" things we'd be hard pressed.
Once it finally happens and we release our expectations of this life, our possessions, our schedule to the Lord we wonder why it took so long to give over something that in all actuality means little to nothing in exchange for a closer more intimate relationship with the Creator of the Universe, for His infinitely perfect vision & direction on our lives, for real Hope, for everything that means everything.
Paul said it best:
"More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith," (Phil 3:8-9, NASB).
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
giving
I hesitated sharing this; there's a lot of different perceptions it can create and I don't really like any of them. I don't like anyone to know if I give, or when I give, or how much I give, or why... I like this kind of thing to be secret. I used to have a friend who'd tell people he was unemployed, because he didn't want people to associate him with his job and how much money he might make. I kinda feel the same way about giving. bleh. Plus, God used this giving opportunity to dislodge some ugliness in my heart. I sort of passively talked about it in a post a few days ago.
A couple days before Thanksgiving I helped this lady who I often see pushing a stroller with her 2 young girls in it on the sidewalk near where I live. They're walking a main 4 lane road. It is obvious they don't have much and the Lord asked me to stop and do whatever I could to help them. "Great!" was my initial response; I truly do love the opportunity to do something significant for someone and tell them that Jesus loves them. She said she needed food and it was clear her children needed coats, etc; I took them to a store where we could get both groceries and clothing. She was excited & tried to put lots of things in her cart that were not in the "need" category. I was so happy to get her what she did need, but growing increasingly frustrated & running out of time as family was coming in that afternoon. I did keep steering her in the direction of need & warm clothing... & finally groceries. That night she called me with a request of something she forgot to get, on my voice mail. The next day she called 4 times and left 2 messages; I don't answer my phone when I'm with family or friends. Thanksgiving day she called 3 times and left no messages & Friday morning she called again. Friday afternoon I took her what she had forgotten and she asked for $5 for a prescription... She asked passively by hinting that she needed the money. I said, 'well that's not much' to which she replied 'it's a lot if you don't have it.' .... and I thought, "agghhh!!! my pockets aren't quite as deep as you think they are, do you not see what I've spent already? money runs dry for 95% of people and I am in that group too... obviously a different part of that group, but still..." BUT I said... 'yall, have a Merry Christmas.' and left.
I had a couple of errands to run. It was black friday... and I didn't buy anything except for a couple things I had promised my girls when they missed out on something fun because they were sick. I argued with God the entire time I was in Hobby Lobby. "$5 is a drop in the bucket and you know it." He'd say. Bleh! was my heart's response. "I've already done SO much for her. I don't need to do anything else." He just kept pressing on my heart to help with this too. I felt like she was trying to take advantage of my generosity. I want to help her &/or other people on my terms... As I was leaving Hobby Lobby there were 2 paintings; the first was the one of the last supper and the second was of the nativity scene. The Nativity stopped me and I stared at it, like I was an onlooker at an art gallery or museum. My heart softened and I started thanking God for what He did in coming to earth in human form, wondering what it must've been like to be God born in a human shell. Thanking Him for giving up everything to come to earth for me-- and for you-- to seek and to save we who were/ are lost. Loving Him. And He spoke to my heart, "I'm asking you (all of My followers) to give up everything and follow Me. If I want you to go pick up a simple prescription for this woman, won't you do it, without question?" Soooo.... I grumbled & called this lady, who I was still frustrated with to ask her where her prescription was... she didn't think I'd go in Wal-mart to get it since I told her about my agoraphobia and it was Black Friday. She also argued that they wouldn't give it to me. I went in to pick it up and they didn't have it. Surprise. Surprise. Maybe she wanted the $5 for cigarettes? But instead of all this cynicism, the Lord spoke to me pointing out that this was about my heart being willing toward HIM, not about actually paying for her Rx.
She called me a few times each day through Monday, and leaving a message asking for something at least once each day. But I don't feel guilty at all for not responding, now that my heart is just willing to do whatever it is God leads me to do. Of course, if the phone calls start again, I'll have to explain to her that God is our provider and if she needs something to please pray and ask God for the provision... He will send someone to her if she needs it. That person may or may not be me.
A couple days before Thanksgiving I helped this lady who I often see pushing a stroller with her 2 young girls in it on the sidewalk near where I live. They're walking a main 4 lane road. It is obvious they don't have much and the Lord asked me to stop and do whatever I could to help them. "Great!" was my initial response; I truly do love the opportunity to do something significant for someone and tell them that Jesus loves them. She said she needed food and it was clear her children needed coats, etc; I took them to a store where we could get both groceries and clothing. She was excited & tried to put lots of things in her cart that were not in the "need" category. I was so happy to get her what she did need, but growing increasingly frustrated & running out of time as family was coming in that afternoon. I did keep steering her in the direction of need & warm clothing... & finally groceries. That night she called me with a request of something she forgot to get, on my voice mail. The next day she called 4 times and left 2 messages; I don't answer my phone when I'm with family or friends. Thanksgiving day she called 3 times and left no messages & Friday morning she called again. Friday afternoon I took her what she had forgotten and she asked for $5 for a prescription... She asked passively by hinting that she needed the money. I said, 'well that's not much' to which she replied 'it's a lot if you don't have it.' .... and I thought, "agghhh!!! my pockets aren't quite as deep as you think they are, do you not see what I've spent already? money runs dry for 95% of people and I am in that group too... obviously a different part of that group, but still..." BUT I said... 'yall, have a Merry Christmas.' and left.
I had a couple of errands to run. It was black friday... and I didn't buy anything except for a couple things I had promised my girls when they missed out on something fun because they were sick. I argued with God the entire time I was in Hobby Lobby. "$5 is a drop in the bucket and you know it." He'd say. Bleh! was my heart's response. "I've already done SO much for her. I don't need to do anything else." He just kept pressing on my heart to help with this too. I felt like she was trying to take advantage of my generosity. I want to help her &/or other people on my terms... As I was leaving Hobby Lobby there were 2 paintings; the first was the one of the last supper and the second was of the nativity scene. The Nativity stopped me and I stared at it, like I was an onlooker at an art gallery or museum. My heart softened and I started thanking God for what He did in coming to earth in human form, wondering what it must've been like to be God born in a human shell. Thanking Him for giving up everything to come to earth for me-- and for you-- to seek and to save we who were/ are lost. Loving Him. And He spoke to my heart, "I'm asking you (all of My followers) to give up everything and follow Me. If I want you to go pick up a simple prescription for this woman, won't you do it, without question?" Soooo.... I grumbled & called this lady, who I was still frustrated with to ask her where her prescription was... she didn't think I'd go in Wal-mart to get it since I told her about my agoraphobia and it was Black Friday. She also argued that they wouldn't give it to me. I went in to pick it up and they didn't have it. Surprise. Surprise. Maybe she wanted the $5 for cigarettes? But instead of all this cynicism, the Lord spoke to me pointing out that this was about my heart being willing toward HIM, not about actually paying for her Rx.
She called me a few times each day through Monday, and leaving a message asking for something at least once each day. But I don't feel guilty at all for not responding, now that my heart is just willing to do whatever it is God leads me to do. Of course, if the phone calls start again, I'll have to explain to her that God is our provider and if she needs something to please pray and ask God for the provision... He will send someone to her if she needs it. That person may or may not be me.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Who wants a little love, or joy, or peace...???
Forgiveness. It grows the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, & kindness.
It easily feels as though forgiving means that the person who wronged us didn't do anything wrong, or that we have to be friends with them if we give forgiveness.
Forgiveness is actually the full acknowledgement that the other person wronged us. After that acknowledgement, it's asking God not to hold it against them & personally not holding it against them. Fully releasing them from the infringement. It is possible even if we don't want to do it; with God. Jesus said all things are possible for those who believe.
When we forgive, we then get opportunity after opportunity to hand the bits of it over to God. Every time you see that person or their name comes up and a twinge of unforgiveness or hate arise, there in lies the choice to give it to God again and to forgive. Bit by bit the unforgiveness lifts and each time we are filled a little more with love, or joy, or peace, or patience, or kindness... or all of these.
Things like this... they are a process. And that process is worth it. I mean who doesn't want more love, joy, peace, patience, or kindness?
It easily feels as though forgiving means that the person who wronged us didn't do anything wrong, or that we have to be friends with them if we give forgiveness.
Forgiveness is actually the full acknowledgement that the other person wronged us. After that acknowledgement, it's asking God not to hold it against them & personally not holding it against them. Fully releasing them from the infringement. It is possible even if we don't want to do it; with God. Jesus said all things are possible for those who believe.
When we forgive, we then get opportunity after opportunity to hand the bits of it over to God. Every time you see that person or their name comes up and a twinge of unforgiveness or hate arise, there in lies the choice to give it to God again and to forgive. Bit by bit the unforgiveness lifts and each time we are filled a little more with love, or joy, or peace, or patience, or kindness... or all of these.
Things like this... they are a process. And that process is worth it. I mean who doesn't want more love, joy, peace, patience, or kindness?
Monday, November 26, 2012
in other words...
Matthew 5:1-11.
"Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
ie: The hard stuff that happens in life is a blessing because it inevitably provides the opportunity to know God further.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
feeling entitled
Entitlement. It's something that is on my pet peeve list.
Social Services offers help to a lot of people who need it... and as it seems a lot of people who don't... and to a lot of people who become completely dependent on it and; therefore, gain a feeling of entitlement regarding that "help".
Children can grow up to have a sense of entitlement to the provision of their parents. It's one thing to have it at 5, but it's something else to have that same provision at 45... workless.
Spouses can become dependent on the other for a particular way of life--- by habit, or material, or entertainment, or anything. Relationship becomes less and less important and getting one's own way rises to the top. After life is a certain way for a while one spouse is ready for a change-- for things to get better-- and the one who has this risen entitlement issue, pitches a fit.
With God... we think we deserve good comfortable lives... especially if we consider ourselves as good people (which ev-er-y-one things that they're good)... we think we deserve so much and as a soon as something we don't like happens we're going on and on about how we don't deserve "this." Thing is "deserve" is not a factor with God.
Anytime we think we deserve something for any reason... we have a sense of entitlement. It's a hard fact.
And as I'm faced with being annoyed about others who have this attitude; I start seeing evidences of it in my own life. I'm pretty sure all of us would if we took a good hard look at ourselves.
God please forgive me and change my heart.
Further... what does God call blessing?
Matthew 5:1-11.
Social Services offers help to a lot of people who need it... and as it seems a lot of people who don't... and to a lot of people who become completely dependent on it and; therefore, gain a feeling of entitlement regarding that "help".
Children can grow up to have a sense of entitlement to the provision of their parents. It's one thing to have it at 5, but it's something else to have that same provision at 45... workless.
Spouses can become dependent on the other for a particular way of life--- by habit, or material, or entertainment, or anything. Relationship becomes less and less important and getting one's own way rises to the top. After life is a certain way for a while one spouse is ready for a change-- for things to get better-- and the one who has this risen entitlement issue, pitches a fit.
With God... we think we deserve good comfortable lives... especially if we consider ourselves as good people (which ev-er-y-one things that they're good)... we think we deserve so much and as a soon as something we don't like happens we're going on and on about how we don't deserve "this." Thing is "deserve" is not a factor with God.
Anytime we think we deserve something for any reason... we have a sense of entitlement. It's a hard fact.
And as I'm faced with being annoyed about others who have this attitude; I start seeing evidences of it in my own life. I'm pretty sure all of us would if we took a good hard look at ourselves.
God please forgive me and change my heart.
Further... what does God call blessing?
Matthew 5:1-11.
Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
light it up
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path" (Psalm 119:105--KJV).
For a long time now I've recognized this verse for it's truth, but somehow not made it completely or permanently true in my life.
Earlier this year I read the Bible through and during that time I walked closely with the Lord. The only way to have light to see is through the Word of God and the level to which I read & memorize is the level to which my path is lit. The level to which I do not read & start to believe lies is also the level to which my path darkens. And who wants to walk in darkness anyway?
For a long time now I've recognized this verse for it's truth, but somehow not made it completely or permanently true in my life.
Earlier this year I read the Bible through and during that time I walked closely with the Lord. The only way to have light to see is through the Word of God and the level to which I read & memorize is the level to which my path is lit. The level to which I do not read & start to believe lies is also the level to which my path darkens. And who wants to walk in darkness anyway?
Alive.
My adoration for Him does not match up in heart and action all the time. But when it does... I feel whole.
wisdom from the Mad Hatter?
"Everything is possible for him who believes." --Jesus (Mark 9:23).
I made a fun little diaper cake for a baby shower while I watched Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. Loved it. My favorite line?
Alice: "Sometimes I believe 6 impossible things before breakfast."
Mad Hatter: "That is an excellent practice."
She was about to slay a dragon. Her destiny. In her eyes it was going to be impossible. But it was quite possible for her to be the one to do it. The Lord leads us to do things that we may see as impossible, but maybe we need to take up this "excellent practice" the Mad Hatter speaks of & think of 6 impossible things before practice... count them.
Salvation-- yet Christ made the way for us to God the Father. Jesus says the only way to the Father is through Him.
Redemption-- yet through Christ our lives, no matter how battered, can become healed and whole.
Healing-- yep lots of people are still healed everyday from physical & emotional pain.
Living anew-- Romans 5-6. dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.
God Protection-- Reading about how God protected in Corrie ten Boom's book The Hiding Place, was amazing!!! she shares proof of miracles (the impossible).
Forgiveness-- it seems that loving someone who has done wrong to us is just plainly impossible without the love & forgiveness of Christ. (like Corrie ten Boom forgiving one of the most brutal guards from the concentration camp she was imprisoned in)
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
failure after failure. continued from yesterday.
speaking of failure after failure... (I talked about that yesterday)...
I've found myself yelling lately. I don't know why really. I asked my daughters to forgive me today and told them that I was asking Jesus for forgiveness too. It's like... frustration after frustration builds up and I don't give thanks. Ungrateful for the "ugly beautiful".
Giving thanks in every circumstance is where we find real joy.
Psalm 118: 29, "Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."
Psalm 118:1, " Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."
Psalm 105:1, "Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done."
1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."
Getting to God to give Him thanks before the outburst... that's the goal. I am thankful that this is the first time I haven't beaten myself up for this kind of thing... instead I asked for forgiveness and moved on in what I learned from it all.
I've found myself yelling lately. I don't know why really. I asked my daughters to forgive me today and told them that I was asking Jesus for forgiveness too. It's like... frustration after frustration builds up and I don't give thanks. Ungrateful for the "ugly beautiful".
Giving thanks in every circumstance is where we find real joy.
Psalm 118: 29, "Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."
Psalm 118:1, " Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever."
Psalm 105:1, "Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done."
1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."
Getting to God to give Him thanks before the outburst... that's the goal. I am thankful that this is the first time I haven't beaten myself up for this kind of thing... instead I asked for forgiveness and moved on in what I learned from it all.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Becoming Perfect
I used to think that is was possible to "have it all together". I thought that a Christian who had been saved a long time and was not in ministry must really be on top of things & that they never hurt anyone... Like, how much they love God directly impacts their level of perfection. I would've denied that wording-- "perfect"-- but when I looked at certain people like Beth Moore or the infamous Billy Graham; perfect was exactly what I thought. What's the secret? If I just try hard enough and work toward where I think that is... I'll get there. Eventually.
I'm finally starting to see.
“I do not admire the term ‘progressive sanctification’, for it is unwarranted by Scripture.
But it is certain that the Christian does grow in grace.
And though his conflict may be as severe in the last day of his life as in the first moment of conversion, yet he does advance in grace —
and all his imperfections and his conflicts within cannot prove that he has not made progress.”
and Ann Voskamp adds, "Christianity isn’t about growing good — it’s about growing grace-filled" (www.aholyexperience.com).
The testimony of this woman, Corrie ten Boom, I've come to admire more than any other person I've heard of besides Christ had all kinds of things in her life that proved her imperfection & weaknesses over, and over, and over again. What made her admirable and different, one of the greatest Christians to ever live? She constantly and consistently sought God. If she needed comfort, direction, help, provision, protection, anything... she went to God. She sought forgiveness from Him every time she needed it. If she fell and became distant she bounced back to Him over and over... and her bounce-back-ability became faster and faster. She was after the heart of God & quite literally followed Him to the ends of the earth until she was united with Him face-to-face in heaven.
What then does God deliver us from, if He's not delivering us to self-perfection? He is delivering us from all these things we turn to instead of Him for comfort, direction, help, provision, protection, anything... When it comes down to it, He is delivering us from complete self-centeredness and delivering us to Christ-centeredness. This Christ-centered life is the goal, it is the perfection of heaven... in the midst of failure after failure, living a Christ-centered life grows us in His grace. To Love Him is to Trust Him, and to Trust Him is to Obey Him-- it is the essence of the Christ-centered life. This life is also evident by the growth of the fruit of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, & Self-control.
I'm finally starting to see.
“I do not admire the term ‘progressive sanctification’, for it is unwarranted by Scripture.
But it is certain that the Christian does grow in grace.
And though his conflict may be as severe in the last day of his life as in the first moment of conversion, yet he does advance in grace —
and all his imperfections and his conflicts within cannot prove that he has not made progress.”
and Ann Voskamp adds, "Christianity isn’t about growing good — it’s about growing grace-filled" (www.aholyexperience.com).
The testimony of this woman, Corrie ten Boom, I've come to admire more than any other person I've heard of besides Christ had all kinds of things in her life that proved her imperfection & weaknesses over, and over, and over again. What made her admirable and different, one of the greatest Christians to ever live? She constantly and consistently sought God. If she needed comfort, direction, help, provision, protection, anything... she went to God. She sought forgiveness from Him every time she needed it. If she fell and became distant she bounced back to Him over and over... and her bounce-back-ability became faster and faster. She was after the heart of God & quite literally followed Him to the ends of the earth until she was united with Him face-to-face in heaven.
What then does God deliver us from, if He's not delivering us to self-perfection? He is delivering us from all these things we turn to instead of Him for comfort, direction, help, provision, protection, anything... When it comes down to it, He is delivering us from complete self-centeredness and delivering us to Christ-centeredness. This Christ-centered life is the goal, it is the perfection of heaven... in the midst of failure after failure, living a Christ-centered life grows us in His grace. To Love Him is to Trust Him, and to Trust Him is to Obey Him-- it is the essence of the Christ-centered life. This life is also evident by the growth of the fruit of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, & Self-control.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
closing the circle.
wanted to share a bit of what I read in "Tramp for the Lord" by Corrie ten Boom; a Dutch woman who was imprisoned in a death camp for smuggling Jews to safety during the Holocaust. After her release she throughly traveled the world to share the Love and Joy and Peace of knowing Christ personally.
In Chapter 30 she writes:
It would seem, after having been a Christian for almost eighty years that I would no longer do ugly things that need forgiving. Yet I am constantly doing things to others that cause me to have to go back and ask their forgiveness. Sometimes these are things I actually do-- other times they are simply attitudes I let creep in which break the circle of God's perfect love. I first learned the secret of closing the circle from my nephew, Peter van Woerden, who was spending the weekend with me in our little apartment in Baarn, Holland.
"Do you remember that boy, Jan, that we prayed for?" Peter asked.
I well remember Jan. We had prayed for him many times. He had a horrible demon of darkness in his life. Although we had fasted and prayed and cast out the demon in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, the darkness always returned.
Peter continued, "I knew God had brought this boy to me not only so he could be delivered, but to teach me some lessons too."
I looked at Peter. "What could that boy, Jan, so filled with darkness, teach you?"
"I did not learn the lesson from Jan," Peter smiled. "But from God. Once in my intercession time for Jan, the Lord told me to open my Bible to 1 John 1:7-9. I read that passage about confessing our sin and asked the Lord what that had to do with the darkness in Jan's life."
Peter got up and walked across the room, holding his open Bible in his hand. "God taught me that if a Christian walks in the light, then the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses him from all sin, making his life a closed circle and protecting him from all outside dark powers. But--" he turned and emphatically jabbed his finger into the pages of the Bible--"if there is unconfessed sin in that life, the circle has an opening in it-- a gap-- and this allows the dark powers to come back in."
Ah, I thought , Peter has really learned a truth from the Lord.
"Tante Corrie," Peter continued, "even though I was able to cast out the demon in Jan's life, it always crept back in through the opening in the circle--the opening of Jan's unconfessed sin. But when I led Jan to confess this sin, then the circle was closed, and the dark powers could no longer return."...
the chapter goes on with more examples of how this scriptural truth plays out in our lives.
In Chapter 30 she writes:
It would seem, after having been a Christian for almost eighty years that I would no longer do ugly things that need forgiving. Yet I am constantly doing things to others that cause me to have to go back and ask their forgiveness. Sometimes these are things I actually do-- other times they are simply attitudes I let creep in which break the circle of God's perfect love. I first learned the secret of closing the circle from my nephew, Peter van Woerden, who was spending the weekend with me in our little apartment in Baarn, Holland.
"Do you remember that boy, Jan, that we prayed for?" Peter asked.
I well remember Jan. We had prayed for him many times. He had a horrible demon of darkness in his life. Although we had fasted and prayed and cast out the demon in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, the darkness always returned.
Peter continued, "I knew God had brought this boy to me not only so he could be delivered, but to teach me some lessons too."
I looked at Peter. "What could that boy, Jan, so filled with darkness, teach you?"
"I did not learn the lesson from Jan," Peter smiled. "But from God. Once in my intercession time for Jan, the Lord told me to open my Bible to 1 John 1:7-9. I read that passage about confessing our sin and asked the Lord what that had to do with the darkness in Jan's life."
Peter got up and walked across the room, holding his open Bible in his hand. "God taught me that if a Christian walks in the light, then the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses him from all sin, making his life a closed circle and protecting him from all outside dark powers. But--" he turned and emphatically jabbed his finger into the pages of the Bible--"if there is unconfessed sin in that life, the circle has an opening in it-- a gap-- and this allows the dark powers to come back in."
Ah, I thought , Peter has really learned a truth from the Lord.
"Tante Corrie," Peter continued, "even though I was able to cast out the demon in Jan's life, it always crept back in through the opening in the circle--the opening of Jan's unconfessed sin. But when I led Jan to confess this sin, then the circle was closed, and the dark powers could no longer return."...
the chapter goes on with more examples of how this scriptural truth plays out in our lives.
Friday, November 16, 2012
Endurance
2 Corinthians 13..."love endures all things". There's nothing that would ever cause God to stop loving you. <3
Finally recognizing this truth. Just wanting to live Him back, the way I was created to.
Finally recognizing this truth. Just wanting to live Him back, the way I was created to.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
sometimes
Sometimes a song just says it best. <3
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Grace
So, I tend to crumble and shirk off responsibilities when I feel like a failure. It turns out that this is a very "me focused" thing to do. And if I think I might fail at something, I tend to avoid it all together. Of course, the other side of the coin is that when I think I can succeed at something the pitfalls seem non-existent and I bull doze through until a way is made.
The Lord said this to someone in the Bible & pointing out how I am to me last night: "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."
It seems like this whole thing is cyclical-- a hamster wheel of choices. I'm starting to to realize that when my husband tells me I'm too hard on myself, he's right. shhh. don't tell him I admitted to that. ;) The thing is that if I would just focus steadily on the Lord and His leading and not my own abilities, HE would still be shining through all this brokenness & I wouldn't be so concerned about myself. Now that He lives in me, He shines through me in spite of my short comings...
On her blog today Ann Voskamp quoted Charles Spurgeon:
“I do not admire the term ‘progressive sanctification’, for it is unwarranted by Scripture.
But it is certain that the Christian does grow in grace.
And though his conflict may be as severe in the last day of his life as in the first moment of conversion, yet he does advance in grace —
and all his imperfections and his conflicts within cannot prove that he has not made progress.”
and she says, "Christianity isn’t about growing good — it’s about growing grace-filled" (www.aholyexperience.com).
And it's slowly occurring to me, this life is not about my feeble efforts, because true success is a life grace-filled... Christ-filled. The fullness of His fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, & self-control. This is a life Christ-focused, because my short-comings will always be that grace may about.
The Lord said this to someone in the Bible & pointing out how I am to me last night: "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."
It seems like this whole thing is cyclical-- a hamster wheel of choices. I'm starting to to realize that when my husband tells me I'm too hard on myself, he's right. shhh. don't tell him I admitted to that. ;) The thing is that if I would just focus steadily on the Lord and His leading and not my own abilities, HE would still be shining through all this brokenness & I wouldn't be so concerned about myself. Now that He lives in me, He shines through me in spite of my short comings...
On her blog today Ann Voskamp quoted Charles Spurgeon:
“I do not admire the term ‘progressive sanctification’, for it is unwarranted by Scripture.
But it is certain that the Christian does grow in grace.
And though his conflict may be as severe in the last day of his life as in the first moment of conversion, yet he does advance in grace —
and all his imperfections and his conflicts within cannot prove that he has not made progress.”
and she says, "Christianity isn’t about growing good — it’s about growing grace-filled" (www.aholyexperience.com).
And it's slowly occurring to me, this life is not about my feeble efforts, because true success is a life grace-filled... Christ-filled. The fullness of His fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, & self-control. This is a life Christ-focused, because my short-comings will always be that grace may about.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Cain & me.
The Lord said this to someone in the Bible: "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."
I am so much like this. If I am doing well, I'm happy!! If I'm not doing well, I'm falling apart! I did not realize that sin is crouching at my door!!!! I did not realize my emotion toward myself was so linked to an attack from the devil.
"Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8--NASB).
But here's the answer God showed in the whole story of Cain & Abel (that first verse is what The Lord said to Cain):
many hundreds of years later the Psalmist writes: "I have set the LORD continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken" (Psalm 16:8--NASB)
It is He, The Lord, who desires to give us victory over all this "me stuff" that keeps us from staying totally focused on Him... These self loathing things that make us sin. This intense perfectionism that doesn't quit. God intends to lead is to victory, and when we put Him continually in front of us, letting Him lead, intently following, we will not even be shaken!!
I am so much like this. If I am doing well, I'm happy!! If I'm not doing well, I'm falling apart! I did not realize that sin is crouching at my door!!!! I did not realize my emotion toward myself was so linked to an attack from the devil.
"Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8--NASB).
But here's the answer God showed in the whole story of Cain & Abel (that first verse is what The Lord said to Cain):
many hundreds of years later the Psalmist writes: "I have set the LORD continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken" (Psalm 16:8--NASB)
It is He, The Lord, who desires to give us victory over all this "me stuff" that keeps us from staying totally focused on Him... These self loathing things that make us sin. This intense perfectionism that doesn't quit. God intends to lead is to victory, and when we put Him continually in front of us, letting Him lead, intently following, we will not even be shaken!!
Must Read!!
Reading Corrie ten Boom's second book, Tramp for The Lord, which chronicles her missionary journeys once out of the German concentration camp. I'm convinced that everyone should read these books, starting with'The Hiding Place'!!! Her words are invaluable. There is so much to learn from this woman of God!! Growth in The Lord like God intends!! <3
Saturday, November 10, 2012
More than Enough.
freaking OUT.
Friday, I lost my wallet. I searched and searched for it, retracing my steps from the day. I prayed and then thought I'd left it at Food Lion, and a nervous nausea swept over me that it was probably stolen. I went to Food Lion and it wasn't there, upon returning home I sat down in desperation to look through the trash (it wouldn't have been the first time something valuable had been thrown away by a toddler). My stomach was in my throat recounting the cash, credit cards, insurance cards, etc... in my wallet. I just knew it had to have been stolen, because I'd searched through the house twice. As I looked up from the trash bag and stared off across the kitchen, I caught a glimpse of it!! WAHOO! It was on the bench seat behind our kitchen table! I don't know why it was there, but I was thrilled to have found it!! A relief flooded my frantic emotional state; I wanted to jump up and down I was so excited! I was NOT stolen! It is safe! My identity is mine.
And a verse came to mind:
And a verse came to mind:
Jesus said, “Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents”(Luke 15:8-10).
Thursday, November 8, 2012
new favs
Isaiah 41:10
'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'
Jeremiah 33:3
'Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.'
'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'
Jeremiah 33:3
'Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.'
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
What does forgiveness look like?
A clip from "Tramp for the Lord" by Corrie ten Boom... she was a survivor of the Holocaust that the Lord sent out to deliver the message of the LOVE of God. In this passage she has just finished sharing God's message with a group of people in Germany...
"And that's when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights; the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor; the shame of wlaking naked past this man. I could see my sister's frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!
The place was Ravensbruck, and the man who was making his way forward had been a guard--one of the most cruel guards.
Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: "A fine message Fraulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!"
And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course-- how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women?
But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face to face with one of my captors, and my blood seemed to freeze.
"You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk," he was saying. "I was a guard there." No, he did not remember me.
"But since that time," he went on, "I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein," -- again the hand came out--"will you forgive me?"
And I stood there--I whose sins had again and again been forgiven--and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place--could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?
It could not have been many seconds that he stood there-- hand held out-- but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.
For I had to do it-- I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. "if you do not forgive men their trespasses," Jesus says, "neither will you Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."
I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war, I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.
And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion-- I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. Jesus, help me! I prayed silently. I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.
And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.
"I forgive you, brother!" I cried. "With all my heart."
For a long moment we grasped each other's hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God's love so intensely as I did then. But even so, I realtized it was not my love. I had tried, and did not have the power. It was the power of the Holy Spirit as recorded in Romans 5:5 "...because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."
"And that's when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights; the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor; the shame of wlaking naked past this man. I could see my sister's frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsie, how thin you were!
The place was Ravensbruck, and the man who was making his way forward had been a guard--one of the most cruel guards.
Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: "A fine message Fraulein! How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea!"
And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course-- how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women?
But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face to face with one of my captors, and my blood seemed to freeze.
"You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk," he was saying. "I was a guard there." No, he did not remember me.
"But since that time," he went on, "I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein," -- again the hand came out--"will you forgive me?"
And I stood there--I whose sins had again and again been forgiven--and could not forgive. Betsie had died in that place--could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking?
It could not have been many seconds that he stood there-- hand held out-- but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.
For I had to do it-- I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. "if you do not forgive men their trespasses," Jesus says, "neither will you Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."
I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war, I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.
And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion-- I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. Jesus, help me! I prayed silently. I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.
And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.
"I forgive you, brother!" I cried. "With all my heart."
For a long moment we grasped each other's hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God's love so intensely as I did then. But even so, I realtized it was not my love. I had tried, and did not have the power. It was the power of the Holy Spirit as recorded in Romans 5:5 "...because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Finding Joy
There are all kinds of things that can steal our joy. They all have one common denominator. They all are things we try to find joy in instead of God. We all do it-- we look for rest by sitting down at the TV or drinking a glass or 5 of wine, we look for pleasure in all kinds of different ways, we try to find joy without God. Even feeling entitled to holding on to anger robs us of joy... unforgiveness breeds misery in our hearts & kills Love & joy! And when we complain we also rob ourselves of finding joy.
God gives us joy when we focus on Him by giving Him thanks for all things!! A couple of really great testimonial books on this are "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann VosKamp & "The Hiding Place" by Corrie ten Boom.
God grows joy in us when we make Him more important than anything else in our lives. It means going to Him to find rest, acceptance, security, peace, direction, etc... and we can be thankful for all things, because of His promise in Romans 8:28 to work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Walking away from all the things we seek to find joy in can feel like we're snagging and tearing through the eye of a needle... Jesus did say that it's easier for a rich man to go through the eye of a needle than to enter into the kingdom of heaven... we're rich in all the things we can turn to. But God is constant to give a way, and Jesus also said that nothing is impossible for God!! We can walk away from those other things and find peace and joy in God when we accept Christ, because it is He who made a way for us to enter the kingdom of heaven... to make the impossible, possible!
I have a few things that I somehow started going to instead of Him over time & I'm doing away with them and it's becoming obvious that those things have been robbing me of my life and therefore His joy.
Seeking Joy in the Lord by giving thanks to Him for everything. <3
God gives us joy when we focus on Him by giving Him thanks for all things!! A couple of really great testimonial books on this are "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann VosKamp & "The Hiding Place" by Corrie ten Boom.
God grows joy in us when we make Him more important than anything else in our lives. It means going to Him to find rest, acceptance, security, peace, direction, etc... and we can be thankful for all things, because of His promise in Romans 8:28 to work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
Walking away from all the things we seek to find joy in can feel like we're snagging and tearing through the eye of a needle... Jesus did say that it's easier for a rich man to go through the eye of a needle than to enter into the kingdom of heaven... we're rich in all the things we can turn to. But God is constant to give a way, and Jesus also said that nothing is impossible for God!! We can walk away from those other things and find peace and joy in God when we accept Christ, because it is He who made a way for us to enter the kingdom of heaven... to make the impossible, possible!
I have a few things that I somehow started going to instead of Him over time & I'm doing away with them and it's becoming obvious that those things have been robbing me of my life and therefore His joy.
Seeking Joy in the Lord by giving thanks to Him for everything. <3
Monday, November 5, 2012
Hate Growth
How can you tell when hate is growing stronger in your life?
It just takes one.
One person to hurt you to the core, to tend to the flames of anger in your heart... it just takes one.
And the moment I choose not to forgive, is the moment hate takes root & starts maneuvering in the recesses of my heart. And it spreads and spreads until the roots are everywhere, choking out the life of love.
I might not even realize there is anything to forgive if the pain is from childhood. That kind of unforgiveness is tricky and not easy to realize.
Parents & teachers, even the most well intentioned, can cause much damage in a child's heart... to the point that their child can grow to hate that gender. Creating chauvinism & feminism.
The same can happen with race. Something a child of one race can do to another in hate can cause a ripple to happen making the victimized child not only hate the "perpetrator" but also everyone of that same race.
The same can happen in social class, I'm pretty sure everyone has ideas about each social class including their own... and there is a reason for those ideas.
So the hate grows from not forgiving that one person, hating that one person, to hating all people who are remotely the same; by gender, race, or social status. Then it spreads to your children, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren, and so on... until someone is conscience enough of it to break the cycle. I know adults who are chauvinists because their fathers were, who are racist because their parents were, who look down on other social classes because their parents did... and for no other reason. AND it all started with that first person not forgiving someone who hurt them.
I'm Thankful for difficult circumstances that give rise to opportunities to give over chunks of hate to the Lord. Those chunks aren't always on the surface, they come to the surface in circumstance and we can take joy in that because God seeks to mature us in Him. When those chunks rise to the surface of our hearts, it is painful and our first instinct is to get more angry and continue not forgiving... and the very idea of forgiving makes us cringe and want to fight, it makes us feel weak... but His grace is sufficient!
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
We can forgive and heal and grow love in place of hate by the grace and power of God... completely saving our children from inheriting that same hate and instead leaving them with LOVE!!! Can you imagine?? So... welcome the very grace of God. He can snuff out racism, sexism, social elitism, etc... He demolishes hate. What a great God we have!!
It just takes one.
One person to hurt you to the core, to tend to the flames of anger in your heart... it just takes one.
And the moment I choose not to forgive, is the moment hate takes root & starts maneuvering in the recesses of my heart. And it spreads and spreads until the roots are everywhere, choking out the life of love.
I might not even realize there is anything to forgive if the pain is from childhood. That kind of unforgiveness is tricky and not easy to realize.
Parents & teachers, even the most well intentioned, can cause much damage in a child's heart... to the point that their child can grow to hate that gender. Creating chauvinism & feminism.
The same can happen with race. Something a child of one race can do to another in hate can cause a ripple to happen making the victimized child not only hate the "perpetrator" but also everyone of that same race.
The same can happen in social class, I'm pretty sure everyone has ideas about each social class including their own... and there is a reason for those ideas.
So the hate grows from not forgiving that one person, hating that one person, to hating all people who are remotely the same; by gender, race, or social status. Then it spreads to your children, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren, and so on... until someone is conscience enough of it to break the cycle. I know adults who are chauvinists because their fathers were, who are racist because their parents were, who look down on other social classes because their parents did... and for no other reason. AND it all started with that first person not forgiving someone who hurt them.
I'm Thankful for difficult circumstances that give rise to opportunities to give over chunks of hate to the Lord. Those chunks aren't always on the surface, they come to the surface in circumstance and we can take joy in that because God seeks to mature us in Him. When those chunks rise to the surface of our hearts, it is painful and our first instinct is to get more angry and continue not forgiving... and the very idea of forgiving makes us cringe and want to fight, it makes us feel weak... but His grace is sufficient!
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
We can forgive and heal and grow love in place of hate by the grace and power of God... completely saving our children from inheriting that same hate and instead leaving them with LOVE!!! Can you imagine?? So... welcome the very grace of God. He can snuff out racism, sexism, social elitism, etc... He demolishes hate. What a great God we have!!
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