New Site

Hey everyone.

I've opened a new place. Please come visit!!

www.carriemedaily.com

Love.

One year of writing. Done. Sort-of.

The end of this year long commitment to write daily has come. 1 year of writing, give or take about 15 days that got lost along the way.  Tomorrow will mark 18 years of this Christian life, Holy Spirit-dwelling in me, saved, redeemed me. In another 5 days we also celebrate 2000-ish years of the resurrected Christ, who came and gave all He had just to win a relationship with us, to redeem us to Him.   He loves us.  There is no loving us more or less in any given circumstance-- just pure, satiated love.

Why do we grasp onto anything?  18 years ago, I was holding on to my life that I knew and honestly loved.  I loved my party life, but not more than my desire to be fully loved.  I was desperate to be loved, I'm pretty sure we all feel desperate for genuine love.  When I was on the cusp of 17 years old I doubted anyone's love for me, I have most of my life.

God makes amazing promises in the Bible concerning His great love for us, in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.  I couldn't resist Him.

18 years later I find myself grasping onto my life again. I love certain structures of how I spend my time, but I'm realizing that I don't love those things more than I desire to give myself to Him fully, to Love Him in return.  Peaceful living is a relationship with God.

Luke 17: 33 "Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it."

As this marks the end, I'm going to be shutting down for about 6-ish weeks (but may check in here and there). I plan on coming back to share this journey with you daily, please stay-tuned. ;)  and thank you so much for walking along this past year with me.  <3

why is modesty important?

Warning: This might be a touchy subject for you & it may not be something you fully understand.  Please keep an open mind.  I watched this video a few weeks ago and felt like it made so many valid points.  I had no clue when I got saved that modesty was important, but immediately started covering more of my body than I had before.  That's not to say I was completely modest, but it was a far cry from how I dressed and why I dressed before the Holy Spirit moved into my heart. I'll say more about that later. 

A few days ago, Ann Voskamp posted thoughts on the trial which convicted two high school guys of rape in Steubenville, Ohio which rolled into a touching letter to her almost 18 year old son on her blog. It's a call to treat women as God sees women, as Christ treated women.  Here is a link to this post.  She says, "That Christ never beat down a woman with harsh words or lusting eyes or sneering innuendos, but He stepped in and stopped a broken woman from the abuse of angry men. Christ came to the defense of a hurting woman and the Son of Man stood between her ache and her attackers and He lifted the weight of shame from her and cupped her heart with hope and wrote a new future into the dust and dirt of everything and he saved. her. life. That’s how God loves His daughters with His defense." Check out everything she had to say, it is beautifully written. 

Going back to the video.  In a letter a pastor is reading, a guy says about a woman dressed provocatively "I wonder if she realizes 101 guys are going to devour her with their minds today, I wonder if she even cares."    I'd say that being devoured is exactly what she wants.  I've been that girl.  That girl believes the lie society tells her that what a man wants more than anything is a woman's body and her response is to show it, because maybe just maybe some guy will want her for keeps.  I had a lot of girl-friends in high school who bought into the same thing. Some gave away their virginity as soon as they had the opportunity. Some found ways to show off, like fishing, they'd catch some guy's attention. Most would dress in a way to purposefully attract masculine attention.  All of us were starved for masculine attention/ affection.  None of us would've ever said that we believed this was all we were worth, but the fact is our actions showed we believed it with every fiber of our being.  We believed that the most value we'd ever have was to be desired by a man-- any man, and as many of them as possible. 

Christian women.  Most godly women will feel a sense of modesty by conviction from the Spirit alone.  She may never ever realize the impact immodesty has on men, which is why a lot of Christian women still think along the lines of dressing to look sexy (even if she is technically covering the "important" places). 

Jesus warns men:

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28-- NIV).

And I have to ask, who are we as women to purposely or even thoughtlessly cause someone to sin?  Don't we have responsibility in this to think about what we're wearing?  I'm obviously not saying we should be covered head to toe, one look at my FB page would tell you that.  What I am saying is that we should first ask God how we should change, ask our husbands or fathers if we're dressing too revealing, and we should have a general rule that our clothes should not be too low cut, too short, or too tight-- but not be the one to determine what "too" is.  I am as guilty as anyone on this, but who are we to continue.   No we are not fully responsible for where any man looks & lusts, Jesus made him responsible for that!!! Men alone are responsible for their hearts & actions. Nonetheless, we can and should do our part, what would it say if we continued to make someone else sin.  Let's stop being thoughtless about what we wear or how we behave.  Jesus gave us far greater worth than that of being devoured in another person's thoughts.  Again, I love Ann Voskamp's wording on this-- I posted the link to her blog near the beginning of this post. 

CS Lewis quote

isn't everyone self-seeking?

Everyone is self-seeking.  We want our own way. We want our own comfort, security, power, control, wealth, prosperity, prestige... and we want one or more of these things more for ourselves than for anyone else.

When the Spirit of the Living God comes to live in our hearts we change and we are new.  The old person with in us is still fighting to be self-seeking, but the new person only desires to seek God.

God-seeking has to do with spending time in prayer and Bible study, but there is much more to it.  God- seeking is possible only once we've realized & accepted that He has given everything to seek us & redeem us. God-seeking is thanking Him for everything, which is in essence opening everything as a gift that He has given us regardless of the pain or pleasure it brings (everything has eternal purpose). God-seeking has to do with being obedient which rolls into spending quality time with Him as He is with us and working through us "in the moment" that become moments that never stop.  Living "in the moment" every moment with God is in essence praying without ceasing (1 Thes 5:17). Psalm 16:8 “ I keep my eyes always on the Lord, with Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken".  God-seeking is giving to Him: tithing to your church & ministries, giving time in obedience, and giving resources to the needy (Matt 26:34).  God-seeking is welcoming Him to touch our lives, welcoming Him to change us for the better, welcoming Him to work through us as He wills.  God-seeking rather than self-seeking will revolutionize & completely redeem our lives.

why do I think I like pit dwelling?

Procrastination is good medicine.  What a lie.
Procrastination is the shovel that digs my pit, straight to the grave.
And my desire for perfection turns said shovel into a mighty drill that digs down deep.
Creating a pit that only God can get me out of... again.

Luke 6:46 “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say? 47As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I will show you what they are like. 48They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. 49But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.”

The truth is we all tend to dig pits for ourselves.
When we follow God's will for us each moment we lay another brick of foundation, filling in the pit-- recognizing each thing that got us into that pit to begin with and giving them to Him in exchange for a foundation brick.  When we're disobedient, not only do we dig our pit of despair deeper, but we build next to the pit instead of in it, because we don't want God to have our self prescribed shovel or drill or the intricacies of why we're in that pit-- we want to keep our pit "just in case".  And so we build beside our beloved pit and when that 'torrent' hits our house it'll all collapse into the pit-- total destruction.

"Digging down deep" so deep that the why's of living in a pit come forth to give over to the Lord is the first step to living a strong life "in Christ".  As we learn to Love and trust Him the foundation is laid and we cannot go back to pit dwelling, but we continue on with Him.  When we love and trust Him, we'll naturally obey Him and more foundation is laid and we finally have a solid foundation on which to build a life "in Christ".  Walking in Him and with Him, is everything-- it is the whole purpose of our lives, but we can't do that living in our pits.

I'm not nearly as deep or as stuck as I once was, because I've been laying foundation. There is more to give Him, things that I didn't expect, things that I know my personal life will be better without, yet I cling to them because they've been what I cling to my entire life.  God seeks to be the only One we cling to and life is best when He is our One and Only.  It's easy to be afraid of filling in our pits because we want that back up in place, but life will be best when it's all filled in and given over to our Creator who knows what we were created to be. He knows that some things keep us from some of His specific blessing and we can trust Him to guide us.

why was I so afraid?

Sensing it approaching was never possible and it's starting to change.  Blinded to the path in front of me I'm terrified by flashes of light, like they're lions pouncing out to devour me. I hide in my particular hiding place, because the flash of light that shone on the bend in the road further challenged my blind faith walk.  Walking and taking the next step in obedience is most often terrifying and utterly challenging.  It challenges us to the very core, because God wants us to completely depend on Him which means that the deeper we get the less likely we'd ever accomplish that next task on our path alone.
The more we rely on Him the less those flashes of light or bends in the road throw us off.  The more we rely on Him, the more HE becomes our hiding place, rather than any given comfort. The more we rely on Him the future that we're blind to doesn't seem so terrifying, because we've learned to trust His steady pace, His steady hand.  The more we rely on God the more we'll wonder why was I so afraid?

Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (ESV).

Your Love Never Fails

Your Love Never Fails by the Newsboys

seriously

In all seriousness, how much of life do you take seriously?
It seems as if I've taken the "just laugh at yourself" mindset a little too far. Do most of us have a running list of how we need to stop being so hard on ourselves? I for one believe we do, it's something my husband tells me to do all the time.  Then there's an opposite list of time sensitive living that must be attended to and taken seriously.  I'm not talking about the dishes piling up, or the laundry taking over, or the trash over flowing, though they do need to get done everyday in our house.  I'm talking about our children aging before our very eyes and passing them off when they ask to put together a puzzle or play a game together.  I'm talking about rounding a decade or three in marriage and still showing up to put in time to grow, not simply maintain, a friendship. I'm talking about growing stone cold to the Spirit of God and suddenly realizing it, because it happened without realizing it at all.  I'm talking about obedience to God only being given half heartedly, because we're too lazy or scared to put in whole self.  If any of these things were a career... I would've fired me a long time ago.
I'm way overdue to take my life much more seriously. Are you?

Let's

God is always helping us to grow up in Him, but more often than not we fail to recognize His hand in our lives. He is doing big things in you & wants to do important things through you. Let's let Him?
Unfortunately, we often mistake what's important. Doing His will is important, because there is important purpose to every single detail of every single act. Let's treat it as such?
Too often time alone with God is the last thing that gets done in a day, if at all. All too often makeup application takes longer than prayer time. He longs to be with us. Let's know Him?

The Old Sailor

I read this poem by A.A. Milne to my children today... kinda makes you think.

The Old Sailor
by A.A. Milne

There was once an old sailor my grandfather knew 
Who had so many things which he wanted to do 
That, whenever he thought it was time to begin, 
He couldn't because of the state he was in. 

He was shipwrecked, and lived on a island for weeks, 
And he wanted a hat, and he wanted some breeks; 
And he wanted some nets, or a line and some hooks 
For the turtles and things which you read of in books. 

And, thinking of this, he remembered a thing
Which he wanted (for water) and that was a spring;
And he thought that to talk to he'd look for, and keep
(If he found it) a goat, or some chickens and sheep.

Then, because of the weather, he wanted a hut
With a door (to come in by) which opened and shut
(With a jerk, which was useful if snakes were about),
And a very strong lock to keep savages out.

He began on the fish-hooks, and when he'd begun 
He decided he couldn't because of the sun. 
So he knew what he ought to begin with, and that 
Was to find, or to make, a large sun-stopping hat. 

He was making the hat with some leaves from a tree, 
When he thought, "I'm as hot as a body can be, 
And I've nothing to take for my terrible thirst; 
So I'll look for a spring, and I'll look for it first." 
Then he thought as he started, "Oh, dear and oh, dear!
I'll be lonely tomorrow with nobody here!"
So he made in his note-book a couple of notes:
"I must first find some chickens" and "No, I mean goats."

He had just seen a goat (which he knew by the shape)
When he thought, "But I must have boat for escape.
But a boat means a sail, which means needles and thread;
So I'd better sit down and make needles instead."

He began on a needle, but thought as he worked,
That, if this was an island where savages lurked,
Sitting safe in his hut he'd have nothing to fear,
Whereas now they might suddenly breathe in his ear!

So he thought of his hut ... and he thought of his boat, 
And his hat and his breeks, and his chickens and goat, 
And the hooks (for his food) and the spring (for his thirst) ... 
But he never could think which he ought to do first. 

And so in the end he did nothing at all, 
But basked on the shingle wrapped up in a shawl. 
And I think it was dreadful the way he behaved - 
He did nothing but basking until he was saved!

hindsight.

This morning a song came on the radio... something about thinking back over a full life, wishing he could change so many things.  He would've changed that he hung up on his mom instead of saying goodbye on the day she died, spent more time with his kids because one died in war... yes it was one of those songs. and I cried.  Today was like this steady stream of this theme.  An old friend of mine is in the hospital with this rare disease that took her ability to walk; all she wants to do is go home to be with her baby and toddler. There were all kinds of things I came across today that made me want to take a look at my presence as if it were past.  Looking at now in hindsight.  It seems that a lot about my schedule would change, but there is still some seeking God on the matter to do so as not to allow fear to creep back in.
What would you change if now was in hindsight?

perfect peace?

Isaiah 26:3

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you (ESV).

Joy comes because of peace, but is not peace itself. Peace is the opposite of conflict. To make peace with God is to agree with Him, with His perfect will.  I can agree with Him when I trust Him & when I'm thinking of Him.  

"whose mind is stayed on You"-- when you're in love with someone you think about them constantly.  There are so many things I'm in love with, if that is the case. Moving God to the top of that list is necessary, I want to Love Him most.  When I love Him most, I'll also trust in Him, and when the two collide I enter perfect peace. 

Not for a Moment

"Not for a Moment" Meredith Andrews

movie popcorn is disgusting

I very often feel like I'm broken, like success is some far away thing and sabotage is so readily available that I crave it.  I crave it like popcorn in a movie theatre, the smell is alluring, beckoning, but it is gross especially at our theatre. Movie theatre popcorn is so similar to self-sabotage in that neither are as enjoyable as the allure promises.  I'm so distractable and there's just not enough adderal in the world.
I'm working on some things that I'm responsible for and right here in the moment I recognize the choice to persevere and not to go do something else fun... and so I'm stopping to share. Recognizing the urge to "buy the popcorn" even when I know it's not any good is the first step.  Maybe I won't stay broken after all.
I am so thankful for God's faithfulness to us whether we "buy the popcorn" or resist the urge to act on a whim.

before the morning

Before the Morning. Josh Wilson

am i being consumed or pruned?

Hebrews 12:11, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it" (NIV).

Being disciplined out of this high level of distraction combined with desire is seriously unpleasant. There are things I would really like to spend my time on, but don't have the time to devote, but they constantly call to me and I cave... again.  

There is a level of patience that I have recently recognized.  It has to do with forbearance (which is to have restraint from something I want to do) and perseverance (to continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success). Patience is a fruit of the Spirit, which God seeks to grow in us and my stubbornness is slowing the process a great deal!  There are lots of things I want to do that just don't fit and doing them is keeping me from persevering in what I'm responsible to. All of these want to's are like a disgusting, sticky fly trap and I'm the fly-- completely stuck and fighting to break free, until I'm distracted again by it's sweet smell.  Life is about so much more than some of the silliness we waste our time on, not that there's no room for silly... but for some of us silly is consuming our lives and God seeks to lead us away from it, to free us from all these things slithering in to consume our lives. 

Swallowed whole into nothingness

Have you ever struggled to give up something that God was asking for? As a young Christian there were a few things in my life that were obvious sin that I gave to God then in failure do it again, I'd go back and forth until it was completely pruned. As a more mature believer & woman I struggle to give things that aren't obvious sin to Him at all, it's down-right rebellion. And I start to understand why those living in excess have an easier time going through the eye of a needle than entering heaven-- because it's just that difficult to give up something, anything. (If you're an American, you live in excess! Ask any child sponsored by compassion or world vision). And as Im holding tight and tighter to the temporal things of this life I can feel the temporal start to swallow me whole into it's black abyss of nothingness. And isn't that exactly what our enemy seeks to make us-- nothing? I can hear the call of Christ, the One who can pull me back out & rescue me. Why does this abyss feel so cozy? He's calling us all to shift our focus from the temporal to the eternal, it's in that place where He works miracles in us and though us. So let us run to the One who rescues us from nothingness and gives us a life of pure purpose in Him! The abyss is not cozy for long.

Ann-- where is God anyway?

I love Ann VosKamp's wording for everything!  One Thousand Gifts has got to be my all time favorite book and now it's been converted to a Bible study and here is a glimpse of Ann...

a link to her blog.

Middle of Your Heart

My new favorite band. I love so many of their songs, and this is my prayer.
"Middle of Your Heart" by for King and Country

showing respect?

Over the years I've read plenty of books &/ or blogs on 'being a godly wife.'  Typically, there will be something that I most definitely need to change how I 'wife' and more often than not I get all discombobulated and the enemy attacks hard.  After this last book I read, which leans very legalistic if you ask me, I had to seek God and just simply ask HIM to show me what it is to be a godly wife to my husband and to correct me when I'm wrong--- right in the moment.
Very often He'll show me what it's not.  I was at a meeting last night and the leader said something about a husband screwing up her diet and thinking about looking for a second one & then proceeded to say how long it took her to train this one so she figures she'd keep him-- all in jest.  She makes snide comments about how pathetic men are every week.  It doesn't matter whether the circle is religious or not, in our culture it seems like there is this underlying joke about how men don't do this or that, and if you want something done right don't ask your man to do it.  And I felt the Holy Spirit tell me deep down in my gut, that this is what being disrespectful toward your husband looks like, even behind his back.  And I felt sick.
Don't talk trash about your husband, to his face or behind his back.  If you need to talk to him about something important-- do, but by no means should we be mean or be a nag.

1 Peter 3, encourages us to be gentle and peaceable (that's the literal translation for quiet).
Proverbs, encourages us not to be argumentative.
Proverbs 31, gives us a glimpse of a godly wife, and tells us that her husband has full confidence in her,  she brings him good & not harm... it further says that he is respected at the city gate--- to which I read between the lines and say that she must be gentle, peaceable, non-argumentative, & there is no way she's talking trash about him behind his back.

Links

Links:

Ann Voskamp's blog
today I've done a little catching up on Ann's blog. she is the author of "1000 Gifts" which is somewhere in the top 3 best books I've ever read. I love how she explains Lent in her Feb 12th blog ... I love how she describes anything an everything, she has both talent and anointing in her writing. 

"It is an irrefutable law: one needs to be dispossessed of the possessions that possess — before one can be possessed of God.

Let the things of this world fall away so the soul can fall in love with God. God only comes to fill the empty places and kenosis is necessary – to empty the soul to know the filling of God" -- Ann VosKamp, Feb 12.

southwest chicken recipe
I've been craving this all week! It's on the menu for tomorrow night! can't wait

 date night!
it's our favorite night of the week. this link has some ideas for a little change of pace. :)

hind sight is always 20/20?
this blogger had some good marriage advice, but it's from the view point of having lost his.

Audience of One

Audience of One by Big Daddy Weave

It's nice to have someone tell you you've done a good job. But living in a way to win the approval of others is exhausting, and what kind of friend would I be if that's all I wanted from you?  It's an easy trap to get sucked into and I still catch myself craving approval then I'll talk to God, because it's His approval that matters. It's His approval that keeps me grounded rather than being thrown around by the winds of of people approval.  And I find peace with Him.

in or out?

It seems as easy as breathing to get caught up in my appearance-- I know for a fact I'm not alone on this. There isn't a woman dead or alive that hasn't looked in the mirror and wanted to change something. And we do all kinds of things to "improve" our appearances. Even if she doesn't wear a stitch of makeup she might still put a flower in her hair or wear a flattering dress & of course there is the complete other extreme of women getting cosmetic surgery, then there's all the in between of makeup, hair color, manicures, jewelry and so on. We ALL attempt outward beauty in some way shape or form.
I've been working out at the gym for about a year now & this last 6 months have been a little shaky with children's cold & all.. I want exercise to be a priority for the sake of my health but I'd be lying if I said appearance had nothing to do with it. Anyway my workouts have been pretty half-hearted lately & God showed me in prayer today that more than just my workouts have been that way. My time with Him & my spiritual diet have been suffering a great deal, I need to take more time to consume His Word & to be with Him. Then I remembered 1peter 3:3-4 where it says that women should be concerned about their inward beauty which is to have a gentle & peaceable spirit. What i gather from the whole passage is that Outward beauty should just be the "cherry on top" & inner beauty to be the dominant priority in our lives ,or to keep with the analogy, the "cake" on which that "cherry" rests. The in fading beauty of who we are in Christ is far and above more important than the fading beauty of our flesh. We can start by giving it to God & then shifting our thinking toward His beauty standards outlined in 1peter 3 & several places through out proverbs.

What is my life adding up to?

Reading through the book of Matthew as I've been considering how I spend my time drew my attention in to Christ's return. It's not something I think about much because it still seems like its a ways off, but then Jesus did say that no one knows when He'll return. No one knows when the rapture will take place, but what if it did happen today? Am I living my life today with Love toward The Lord? Am I spending my time in a way that He commends?
Tracking back from rapture thinking, I just have to ask myself what my life is amounting to. What will the majority of my life consumed by? And how will I answer for it to God on the day of judgement?
Just some thoughts to consider.

speaking of priorities

To Know You by Casting Crowns

"to know You is to want to know you more."

jumbled priorities

Thinking back over the last two years I can honestly say that God has done a lot in my heart. I honestly love Him. I've come a long way-- yet today I'm looking back on some of my bad habits that are still hanging around. My thought life is much different but how I spend my time is not.  It is more valuable than anything, yet I tend to squander it away as it passes as fast as the wind.  I suppose it has to do with budgeting-- I intensely dislike budgeting, whether it's money, diet/ exercise, or time. It's like I expect it to all work out with little effort, but the fact of the matter is that we are responsible for managing our lives-- budgeting them.
The question we should ask ourselves is: if what is important in my life could be measured by the time I spend with it then looking introspectively what is actually most important?  It's easy to say what I want to be most important is at the top of my priority list, but looking at the value of time, is it really?
In a small group I was in last year I was shown a slightly different perspective of priorities, I'll see if I can remember the list accurately (if you were also in that small group & I post an error, please correct me). In order first to last:
1. God
2. me (this is taking care of our physical, emotional, & spiritual well-being).
3. my spouse
4. my children
5. my extended family
6. work
7. ministry
8. neighbors
9. me & my escape (that's the other aspects of self)

that #9 is in serious competition for all the other slots!  So where do you spend your time; it is the litmus test of where your priorities actually are.  I whole heartedly believe that when God is genuinely in first place that the rest start to find their rightful places too, but if "me" is in #1 in any aspect of life they'll all be jumbled according to each individual personality.

what faith can do

what faith can do by kutless

my little faith.

Today I read through Matthew 15-16. Somewhere in the midst of all the verses Jesus heals a woman and tells her how great her faith is, and then in another part His disciples who have seen so many miracles are confused by something He is telling them and He responds by telling them how small their faith is. 

So often we look at this faith to mean we believe that God can do anything, and yep He can-- look around.  Obviously the disciples knew He could do anything.  So what did Jesus mean in chapter 16? They misunderstood what He was telling them because they were looking at what is temporary rather than seeking the eternal in His words.  If they had only referenced the power He had displayed earlier they would've recognized what He was telling them. 

In chapter 15 a woman who is from a group of people who worshiped false gods, cried out from the crowd to Jesus asking for her daughter to be cleansed from a demon.  Jesus tested her by  saying "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs." "Yes Lord," she said, "but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table." Then Jesus answered, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." And her daughter was healed from that very hour." She saw passed the flesh and blood temporal aspect of being from a different group of people and right into the power of the living God. That's why her faith was great.

In other places over and over again in the gospels Jesus heals people and says something like 'your faith has made you well'

Faith is far more than simply believing that God can heal us, it is seeing straight through this temporal world and our temporal problems and into eternity, into the mighty miraculous power of God.  It is moving through every obstacle that seeks to keep us from moving into His presence.  Peter did that when he walked on water to go to Jesus, but the second his eyes were back on the temporary, which in his case were waves crashing down around him, he sank straight into them.  It's not easy to stay so focused on Christ when the temporary presses in against us so heavily, but it is possible and when we do it... when we press right in to God and seek and ask for His power to come right into/ through us something powerful will happen. This is the very place of the miraculous. 

I recognized today that I am in the crowd of those with little faith.  Most of us are; if it were not so we'd be seeing miracles at every turn. Lord please fix our faith!  

No Sacrifice

No Sacrifice. by Jason Upton

Sometimes a song can just say exactly what you're feeling.

peace

Peace by Jason Upton

Steady my Heart.

The first video is the story behind the song, "Steady my Heart" by Kari Jobe.

The second is the song.

being chipped away to grow peace?

Recently, I started reading this book:"Idol Lies" by Dee Brestin.  I chose it because it was on a list of books that Ann VosKamp recommended a few months ago.  I've only read the first couple of chapters and the Lord used it to put words to the junk going on in my heart.  Dee calls it an invisible idol; I'm sure it could be called lots of things, but an invisible idol is exactly what it is and it is a big, growing, & as old as I am.  And in America these are the things we bow down to-- the things that are invisible and she names several in her book.  Of course there are visible symptoms of the invisibly lurking hard as a real stone idol lodged deep in my heart.  I'll tell you mine is comfort/ safety and the symptoms range from something as comforting as food can be to something as uncomfortable as panic attacks due to agoraphobia.  It's lodged deep and only God can remove it and I already feel the angst as bits are starting to get chipped away.  And pruning is part of real Christian living-- going to a Loving God blindly and being pruned so more fruit of the Spirit can grow within. Pruning is definitely uncomfortable and more than worth it.  And going to Him, knowing that He loves us with an immeasurable Love, is making peace with Him-- simply going to Him willingly & in obedience to His will & the pruning grows peace first.
<3

Cling

We cling to Christ because the is the only one that can pull us out of the mucky pit we find ourselves in over. & over -- or just constantly living there.
We don't know what we're missing til we grab hold of Him to be pulled out. And then we hold Him because He saved us & we love Him because He loves us enough to help us.
He saves us by helping us through the messes we find ourselves in & isn't that the icing on the cake to the eternal security we receive from Him when were born again.
These things are on my mind because I found a mountain in my heart that must be removed. And God is saving me from it by removing it. And I cling all the more to Him
<3

where is my freedom?

Why do we lack freedom? Freedom from alcohol. Freedom from porn-- whether 1/2 dressed soft porn or full on pornography. Freedom from drugs. Freedom from over eating or not eating.  Freedom from over indulging in anything. Freedom from depression. Freedom from anger. Freedom from anything.  These things we need freedom from because they are the things that call to us and we can't say no to them even when we want to.
We lack freedom because we lack an authentic relationship with Christ.
If I'm falling apart & my vices come back it's because I haven't had much of a conversation with Him lately or for some it may be that they've never given their lives to Him to begin with. After all, it's true that "Christ doesn't make me stronger, He is my strength" (VosKamp).  Naturally without Him my weaknesses are glaringly obvious; and with Him, His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
I need Him more than my next breath. Anything I am, any discipline I keep, it is because of Christ.

please

Just a quick note to ask you for prayer today.
thank you.

When Life has you Paralyzed.

Beth Moore-- When Life Has You Paralyzed.

This is so so good. If you have a little time to watch... do. It's about 57 minutes

Cry Out to Jesus- Third Day

Madelyn's Bake Sale.

A few months ago Madelyn started getting curious about orphaned children.  After a couple of conversations with her Daddy, her passion for them started to build.  She wanted to get involved and do something meaningful for these children who don't have parents.  Scott told her about Danita's Children and she started saving every penny of her allowance.  After a few months of saving she donated all of it to Danita's Children, an orphanage in Haiti.
As soon as the money was sent her gears started turning and she started developing a plan of how to make a lot more money to donate.  Yesterday with the help of our church and a lot of baking volunteers  we hosted a church bake sale.  Everyone who donated received delicious baked goods.  Madelyn raised nearly $1000 for Danita's Children--- I'm not sure of the final numbers quite yet.  I'm so stunned by her passion and generosity; I can only say that it is surely God working something amazing in her.   I cannot take even the most remote amount of credit.  When she gave her heart to Jesus on her 5th birthday she has continued to grow in Him through the power of the Holy Spirit.  She honestly surprises me at every turn-- a great work of God.
If only we could all have such pure childlike faith.
Madelyn is teaching me what these verses mean:


""About that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?”
Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them.  Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven"" (Mt 18:1-4, NLT)

He is telling them that when we turn from our sins we'll become innocent like children and admitting to being a sinner takes a great deal of humility.  No one is perfect; everyone sins-- even the best people.

Madelyn very simply gives her life to God without thinking about it and without getting all discombobulated about her relationship with Him. She reads scripture, and prays, and does what He gives her a passion for. She loves Him.   Honestly, I felt a little dragged along for this bake sale ride, but it was one I am immensely blessed to have been on and I am so grateful for the opportunity!!

This child. My first born of 4 babies. I am so honored and eternally grateful to the Lord to have the opportunity and pleasure of raising her into adulthood.

If you're interested in learning more about Danita's Children click here.

get out of that pit

Beth Moore.
If you have some time to listen to even part of this... please do!
She is sharing from the book "Get Out of That Pit".
I read that book around this time last year and God showed me through all the scriptures she shares and the points she makes that He Loves us passionately and nothing we ever do can change that.

movie night.

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...”  (1 Corinthians 13--NASB).

I recently saw a movie that made me laugh out loud a lot.  Unfortunately it was also the kind of movie that should've made me get up and leave and it would've been funny without the language and 'in your face' vulgarity. I usually don't go to see movies like this, but everything I read about it said how "real life" funny it was and left out the rest.  Tonight as my husband and I were talking about it he had to remind me of a few of the scenes that I'd forgotten.  I'm embarrassed that I laughed so hard during it and even though it also made me blush I still stayed.  There are a lot of movies out there regardless of rating that "rejoice in unrighteousness" and doesn't it mess with our thought lives? It makes us see unrighteousness as something desirable rather than something to be pruned from us.  Should we start asking ourselves if we'd want to be real life friends with the characters in the movies or tv shows we enjoy?

Still learning how to walk this journey of loving God with my whole self in every single moment of life. I'm all His and He is mine. I love Him.  Praying and asking a lot of questions tonight. <3

teach me how to pray... song.

more from Jason Upton: "Teach Me How to Pray-- Psalm 23" live.

I'm falling.

Good grief.
Where is the reset button anyway?
Once I get in a routine, I'm good to go, but give me any reason to screw with it and I'll take it!
Take eating healthy for instance.  I'm more there than I have been in a while. I want to eat healthy on a permanent level rather than an "I'll eat this way until x,y, or z"level.  But what is it about a frustrating day or vacation that makes us want to take a flying leap off the healthy train when we're finally starting to enjoy the ride?  Is there really ever a good excuse to slack?  I understand the concept of splurging on vacation, but that splurge will most likely cost me gaining the 5 pounds in 4 days that it took 6 weeks to lose. So I ask, is it worth it?  To take this another step further, this same concept happens in many personal relationships with God.  For some reason, the thing that used to comfort us beckons... and Christ pleads because He knows that He is the absolute only comforter.  Vacation is only a break from routine, but most often vacation is not a time of rest but of adventure and somehow even God gets left home.
Christ is pleading with us to invite Him into our entire lives. Stop trying to work through frustrations, fears, disappointments, sadness, anger...vacation... life without Him.  He only wants to Love us fully. Why do we keep withholding ourselves? He is our comforter among the everything He can be in our lives.  Falling more in Love with the One who Loves us completely and who is completely faithful and true. I learned this week that the word "kind" in 2 Corinthians 13 where is says "Love is patient & kind..."  has a 2 part meaning in the original Greek translation, not 1 or the other but both and.    The Greek word is a verb and means "kind & in full service to others" --- it is how God Loves us. This is not to say that He gives us our own way, because He Loves us way too much for that... as I love my children too much to allow them a diet that completely consists of candy.  No, He Loves us so much that He is kind in full service to us, to help us through this life... it's repeating every verse that says He'll never leave or forsake us... He's there to help us through this life. I'm just astonished at how much He loves us.  Why would I not want to give my entire life to Him? Loving Him in return... it is the most important thing to Him.

just like you

Scott's favorite song. :)
Jason Upton's "Just Like You"

living He loved me...

living He loved me
dying He saved me
buried He carried my sins far away
rising He justified freely forever
One day He's coming.
Oh, Glorious Day
-- Casting Crowns 

i am desperate.

There is a desperation that is ever lingering in each of us.  We are desperate.  Like fish out of water we flip and flap, gasping to breathe-- we are desperate for God.  For some reason we don't recognize that God is who satisfies and we live like a fish swimming around in a bowl of clorox. Eventually we'll die.  We can't go on sucking in any little thing that brings the most remote feeling of satisfaction, but that's what we do.  That's what we do until we turn.  We must turn in order to survive-- turn to God, who is standing with each of us with arms wide open, waiting to be invited in. He wants nothing more than to be with us, to be of service to us so that we can make it through this life, living.  (I say in service because that's what "kind" in the verse 'Love is patient and kind...' means.  The Greek translation means "kind, in full service to others"-- and God is Love.)  In kindness, He helps us to redemption, He helps us to pray, He helps us through this life, He helps us to learn to live holy lives. When we receive Him in to our lives each day, He will be there walking with us and us with Him.  When we withhold ourselves from Him, He is still there but we are not receiving His blessings. He wants to bless us with His comfort and joy, with His fruit, with His peace that passes understanding, with so so much.  This is how to be satisfied, ask God to come into your life, to forgive you of your sins, & in essence give your life to Him. Salvation. This is the start to relationship & now nearly 18 years later  I ask forgiveness when I mess up & I mess up plenty; I ask for His help & which way to go, I give each day to Him anew... a lot goes into having any relationship & the one I have with God is no different.  Jesus made the way.

I've noticed in my prayer life that I am not the tree planted by flowing water.  That is the person who has a reservoir built up, who moves through times of difficulty with grace & "God-confidence", she stays in God's Word and in prayer not because she suddenly had nowhere else to go but because God is her everything. A year ago I was a tree living in the desert and desperate; I'm much much closer to being planted by that stream... but alas the truth is that I'm only nearby.  I believe that getting to the place where I'm planted there also means that I'll stop looking for satisfaction in other things because I'm so satisfied and nourished by my Creator.  Even the tree planted by the stream is desperate for water, it needs it to survive after all.  I can be in the desert desperate and dying or I can be next to the source desperate, fully nourished & fully alive.

what kindness does

This is what kindness does-- it freely forgives.

Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (NIV).

In love

There's something to be said about attentive, Spirit led prayer. It's freeing in this unexplainable kind of way. Driving home from a visit with family, my entire family fell asleep in the car and so I started praying. I kinda wish I had to drive further than 5 minutes away everyday.
Learning from The Lord & falling more in Love win Him.

I need a miracle

third Day "I Need a Miracle"
This song is on my mind tonight for some reason.
finding the place where we recognize our desperation for God is the beginning of the miracle!!

finding peace.

A lot of the last 10+ years I've been a huge train wreck of a person. It may not look like that on the outside, but inside...   Without God I am miserable, long term time away from Him makes me suicidal... but with Him... With HIM, I'm more than just a beautiful mess.  That's why I love this song, it explains it all.  God is everything and when I embrace Him, I find peace, and that's how I can honestly sing this song.

Perseverance.

Persevere.  It's what Love does.  It's what patience does too.  It's one thing of countless others that God does to win us, He perseveres. He never stops working to win our hearts. Never.

Perseverance is how Love & Patience act; so when God is growing the fruit of the Spirit in our lives He  will be teaching us to persevere.  Jesus persevered through living in a human shell, restraining Himself from temptation, meeting death on a cross, & rising from the dead all to redeem us.  A shepherd boy named David believed God when he was anointed to be the next king.  He persevered in relationship with God Himself in order to make it through being hunted by the king who preceded him.  God called King David a man after God's own heart.

Perseverance is something that the Lord is teaching me now. It's never been something I've been good at; it's much easier to quit. It's easy to sabotage myself. It's easy to see that something might be too hard or that the chances of failing are greater than that of success & choose to quit before ever starting. God is asking us to passionately persevere after Him, to press in.  Learning to walk with Him in such a way that His desires become my desires, that He becomes my comforter and provider, that He becomes more important than anyone or anything else in my life is worth the perseverance.  It's easier for me to make "me" the most important thing in my life and the more that is true the more selfish my desires will become.   Persevering  in my relationship with HIM has a lot to do with restraining myself from the things that beg my attention from Him (we all have our personal lists)... restraining ourselves from the things that come out first instead of God.

voice of truth

"the voice of truth" by casting crowns

Practicality & Pity Parties

I'm not exactly the best as embracing change, in fact I always have an urge to fight it.  If the change is a healthier or better way of living I'll have a pity party for a few days before completely embracing it. It's sad but true.  The Lord has steadily been encouraging me to make the step & stop focusing on what I'd be losing.  

I've almost always had trouble falling asleep, but through December it just grew increasingly worse until I was awake until 5am tossing and turning. The Lord is leading me to change my schedule a great deal and the only way to make it all happen is to be asleep by a certain time, far before 5am.  So, I just prayed and prayed and asked HIM how in the world it could be possible to fall asleep so quickly.  His response was that I needed to stop eating sugar again, to which I responded like any 2 year old would.  I ate plenty of sugar over the next few days, kinda hoping that I "heard" HIM wrong.  He told me that the sugar in my system was contributing to the insomnia.  What?!!  NOOOOO!!!! I don't really want to give up all the sweet treats I love so much, that I've finally gotten a hold on to only have them in complete moderation.  boooo.  So I focused on all the yummy things I can't eat/ drink anymore. It's still hard not to focus on them.  Today was day 1 without refined sugar.  The Lord encouraged me last night to focus on the blessing He is trying to give me... sleep!! a thinner body!! a healthy body!! a decrease in cancer & diabetes risk!! ALL good things. Stop focusing on what you're losing and start focusing on the blessing.  So I woke up this morning and began.  This evening I went to the store and bought a bunch of fruit and cut it all up in order to have easy access to it when I want to munch on something sweet. 

The Lord is good and wants to do good things to us, He Loves us beyond what our imaginations can fathom. 

So after fighting God that the sugar was contributing to my insomnia for a few days, I told a friend about it and she was quick to give me a link confirming this truth. Here is a link to the article: "Can a Proper Diet Help With Insomnia"  If you read the article you'll also see that there is more to it than just sugar, but the thing in this article that was glaring in my personal diet is sugar-- it might be something else for you, if you also struggle with insomnia. 

I love the Lord-- it is so cool that He leads in physical practicality as well as spiritual practicality. <3

He wants nothing more.

What God wants most from us is to simply be with Him, in relationship.  A real 2 person communicative, loving relationship.  When this is the truth... and it is always the truth for every single person... why do we choose other things?  

Failing-- whatever that looks like for the individual-- is like this abyss that keeps pulling us down to wallow in it as long as it can keep us.  But get up and fail forward, that is fail straight into the grace of God.  I'm not saying to fail on purpose which would clearly be sin on top of sin. I am saying that when we fail we should not sink down into it and stay there, but rather ask God for forgiveness and get up and walk with Him in His grace.  Stop staying down, there is no relationship there and the abyss is bottomless and will pull us straight to death if we let it.  Embracing my desperation for God right where I am will certainly keep me from death-- for the gift of God is eternal life. 

Making peace with God's will is embracing that relationship, asking forgiveness for the sin that kept us from Him & forsaking it completely.  This is where to live in the "peace that passes understanding."

I'm consistently taking a few steps forward and a couple back, then beating myself up because I took a few back.  Punishing myself emotionally keeps me from continuing forward... but if I truly take a moment to look, there has been progress and I'm not anywhere close to the person I used to be, even if I still have a long way to go.  sigh.  Like I was saying in the previous post the Lord keeps showing me that I need to keep my eye on Him, on the prize. 

Psalm 16:8

"I keep my eyes always on the Lord, with Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

What He wants most is to be with me & I want nothing more than to have a real & passionate relationship with our Creator & Savior.  What could possibly be more valuable?  Surely, nothing I am holding so tightly to can even come close to matching such value. 

19th. Keep Your Eye on the Prize

I needed this encouragement!  I found the link to this song on someone's facebook page and God used it to remind me not to get discouraged, but to keep moving forward.   Psalms 16:8 says, "I keep my eyes always on the Lord, with Him at my right hand I will not be shaken."  Keep moving forward in the Lord, there is no time to wallow in mistakes.  A quote I've heard hundreds of times now is "fail forward to success" the victory is always in the getting up... Getting up moves us forward, even if we trip again in that first step up.  Keep getting up-- Keep your eye on Him, on the prize. "Keep Your Eye on It" by Toby Mac.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NASB
24Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 25Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. 26Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. 27No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.


Philippians 3:13b-14
but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus

ten thousand reasons

Finding Him...

I'm pretty sure I've shared this song before "Find You on my Knees" by Kari Jobe, but as I search for words to express where I am right now the words in this song keep coming to mind.  The weight of my responsibilities seems to be growing as I'm recognizing habits that need to be broken & new formed. I feel a little lost as I seek direction in how to change, how to bend and give it all over to God. How to live in Christ, in His grace, without becoming lazy or legalistic in my walk... but only becoming more Christ-like as I give my whole life to Him... Finding Him on my "knees"-- in prayer.


"Find You On My Knees"

Troubles chasing me again,
Breaking down my best defence,
I'm looking, God, I'm looking for you
Weary just won't let me rest and fear is filling up my head.
I'm longing, God I'm longing for you

But I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees.

So what if sorrow shakes my faith,
What if heartache still remains,
I'll trust you, my God I'll trust you.
'Cause You are faithful and

I will find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees, my knees.

When my hope is gone, when the fear is strong
When the pain is real, when it's hard to heal
When my faith is shaken and my heart is broken and my joy is stolen, God I know that

You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,

Find you in the place I'm in, find you when I'm at my end,
Find you when there's nothing left of me to offer you except for brokenness.
You lift me up, you'll never leave me thirsty,
When I am weak, when I am lost and searching
I'll find you on my knees.

my biggest fear

Fear. It seeks to consume.
My biggest fear? ... Failure.  If I think I might not be good at something, I'll generally not bother trying.
That's why it's interesting to see what God has led me to do, like writing this blog for instance. It is not something I would've opted to do on my own.  It's somewhat horrifying & now that I've gotten used to it, He is opening another door.  The ground seems shaky and unstable at best, but the truth is that it's the most stable "ground" I've ever walked on because I'm on the path that is God led.
And as I keep moving forward, feeling like I'm going to step and the ground is going to quake and I'll fall through and my life will be the ultimate failure; I am reminded of several promises in scripture.

Isaiah 41:10

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.


Deuteronomy 31:6

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (NIV)

Deuteronomy 31:8
Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”(NLT)

Isaiah 52:12

But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the LORD will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard. (NIV)

Psalm 139: 5

You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me. (NIV- Psalmist praising God). 

There are many more like this and as I read even 1 of these promises, I am encouraged to move forward in daily obedience to the Lord- our Creator.