Water Play

Earlier today, Nathan was crying and begging me for something. If the weather is warm we'll let him play with the water hose, spraying down everything even getting himself and sisters drenched with all their clothes on. Today the weather was in the 60s and as far as I'm concerned is not warm enough for a little kid to get soaking wet outside, so I told him no. Its not that he could never play in the water ever again, just not today. He cried and cried and repeatedly said "water play"... really it was so sad and I really wanted to just let him play in it. I stuck to my guns though, I'm totally not interested in this cough that they all suddenly have to progress into anything more than a viral cold. So I said no. I said no a lot. I made every effort to get his attention on something else & finally he spotted Madelyn happily swinging & he stopped crying, gasped, declared "swing!!" and made a B-line for the available swing. He then played outside swinging and doing all kinds of other fun things that did not include getting wet, & the crying episode lasted so long that I was unsure he'd ever chose to be happy doing something else.

AND

WOW!!!!! Do I feel like that with God sometimes!!! ... a lot of times... today... Its like I'm this crying toddler totally focused on something that God is telling me "no" about and I have no idea if its 'no' for forever or not. There are so many other fun things to do, but I want what I want when I want it exactly like my 2 year old son. I stay focused on the object of my desire instead of the million other things God is providing for me. I could be enjoying so many fun things rather than this 1 thing. It's so sad its almost humorous to see myself as I saw my toddler son today. I'm crying "water play" and God is saying "hey, dont cry, you love the slide, why don't you go down the slide? I'll say YAY!!... what about the swing?....its ok, smile dont cry... the trampoline always makes you smile... do you need a nap? are you sleepy? where's you're sippy cup?" Of course all of those things represent something in my life that God is showing me to stay focused on and not to be so concerned with 'water play' while its 60 degrees outside. It might be the season, but today is not the day.

I love the song "Human" by Natalie Grant; look it up on youtube if you have a minute. It strikes me in my heart when she sings, "we gotta do better than this cause we only got one chance to make a difference, we gotta do better than this cause we only got one life that we've been given." Goes right along with the verses used in yesterday's post. I've got one chance to be the wife and Mom God wants me to be, I've got one life to give to God and my family. One life and it is so short. I want to enjoy all the yeses God has on my life, it would be so much more fun than crying over the no's.

Thank you for Your mercy God! and thank you for carrying me daily, even when I'm sobbing over "water play". <3

Rebuild

I've been reading through the old testament and the temple is talked about a lot! a lot, a lot! Its a place to give to God, to be with God, to pray, to ask forgiveness... It got built and used for exactly what God purposed it for, then when evil kings rule gets used for other gods & sin, then gets demolished somewhere along the way, and finally God presses on a godly King's heart to rebuild. In Ezra 1 King Cyrus tells the people that the Lord appointed him to build Him a house in Jerusalem... and all the people who worshiped the Lord could go up and rebuild the house of the Lord. They started getting things in order: 1st King Cyrus returned the articles of the house of the Lord which Nebuchadnezzar had carried away, then they got all the specific people in order, and they restored the altar and sacrifices. When the foundation of the temple of the Lord was finally laid the people shouted or sang or cried with excitement and the sound of all the people was so loud it could be heard a distance away.
As I read through this story 1 Corinthians 6:19 came to mind, "Do you not know that your body is a temple ofthe Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?" (NIV).

I feel that at the beginning of March when I began to receive God's Love again for the first time in ages was like this picture of the foundation being laid again. And all of heaven shouted with excitement! Luke 15:10, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents" (NIV). My repentance was opening myself up to Gods Love again and living securely in it.

Once the foundation to any building is laid there is a lot of work that goes into it. The Lord is doing the work by showing me what to do. Some things I'd just assume keep in my life, but God sees the big picture so some things get moved to the side and then I can see how much more He wanted to give me or lead me into. Philippians 3:8, "Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded-everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ" (NIV). Honestly, this verse makes me a little nervous and I'm not sure why. The author is really just saying that Christ is the most important part of his life, everything else in his life is garbage in comparison. Being as in Love with Him as He is with me would be pretty cool. I'm not there, but I plan to get as close as humanly possible. To continue to receive His Love and learn to give Him mine I think there are some unaddressed feelings & fears I have wadded up in my heart. These are some of the things I'm giving to God at the moment. It'll clear some space to rebuild.

Hide and Seek

There have been several times over the last 10ish years that I've asked God what to do in specific situations, but not constantly or consistently.  There was a lot more hiding in the last 10+ years than there was seeking.  Today, I realized that I still have a tendency to do things without acknowledging Him or asking Him if such and such is what I should or shouldn't do.  Today I made a decision with out asking Him because I was afraid He'd say no; He probably would have.  I hid.

I'm tired of hiding my life from God. I'm sick of this habit.  I want to seek God, like when a child playing hide and go seek is "it" and seeks his friends who are hiding with everything he has in order to win.  The thing is God is not hiding!! We can seek Him and we will find Him.  Psalm 119:2, "Blessed are they who...seek Him with all their heart" (NIV).  I want to be blessed, don't you?

Matthew 7: 7-12a, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you" (NIV).

Saturday is such a weird day in my week. Its different from M-F which is when I do most of my Bible reading on a treadmill at the gym. Saturday comes and I'm focused on all the things I've needed to do all week and get them done all in one day because the children are occupied with Scott & its not a homeschool day.  I'm at the end of my day now and I've prayed, but did not read the Bible today and I can totally tell.   Its like I'm hydrated from the prayer but still hungry for the Word.  hm. I wasn't expecting that. didn't see it coming.  I'll post this tomorrow, which will be Sunday morning but I'm gonna get off of here so I can go seek & find.

Bullet Proof

2 Timothy 2:16-17, "All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work" (NIV).

Ephesians 6:14, "Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place" (NIV).

So... put the parts together concerning the breastplate in the armor of God and you have: All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for... training in righteousness  which is the breastplate (or bullet proof vest) in the armor of God.   Righteousness helps protect our vital spiritual "organs", like the heart.  Where does my righteousness come from? 

Matthew 5:6, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled" (NIV).

Romans 3:22-24, "...righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus" (NIV). 

If righteousness comes through faith in Jesus Christ, then training in righteousness is God growing us up in our salvation which comes through the Word of God.  We've talked about that the last couple of days. I am just so glad that God gives us salvation freely, because I can't imagine ever being perfect enough to earn it on my own.  He Loves us no matter what, and the amount that He Loves us never changes. He Loves ME!! say that out loud! Jesus LOVES ME!!!! :)  no really, out loud! ...do it.  :) no matter where my heart is in position to Him, His is always toward me, He doesn't change in His Love toward us. I'm SOOOO thankful for that! 

Psalm 119:10-11, "I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you" (NIV). 

Since the beginning of March I've felt the desire to study the Word of God grow more and more. In January the thought of reading the Bible at all was like looking at that healthy apple in the fridge and making Rice Krispie treats instead (I talked about that in the last 2 days).  Now with each healthy bite I want more as I also grow in receptiveness.  If I'm understanding these passages correctly God will grow that righteousness, that I already have in the Salvation He freely gave me, through Scripture. Bible study coupled with prayer will spiritually put a full breastplate (bullet proof vest) on me and will protect my heart.

 

Bite by Bite

Hebrews 5:11-14, "We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil" (NIV).

I'm pretty sure I was this person at the beginning of March. I've been a Christian for 17 years, but have read Scripture & prayed more in the last month than I probably have in the previous 10ish years.  I have a decent foundation of what the Bible says, but I still needed to go back to the elementary truth of the God's Word.  I stopped believing that God Loves me, which is a lie.  I also did not have understanding of God's blessings being sometimes pleasurable & sometimes painful to receive.   Not everything in life is wonderful and I questioned God's Love when the bottom fell out, but He Loves us so much that He wants to carry us through the bad painful times and give us the peace that passes understanding.  The most important thing is that He is fighting for our eternity, which in the grand scheme of things far out weighs momentary earthy pleasure. Sometimes we need "discomfort" to get us to the point that we can do nothing else but call on God.

There have been times in my Christian walk when I've read Scripture and wondered if I got anything out of it at all. Consider this: what did you eat 2 days ago?  Did you get anything out of it?  It sustained you just like what I ate 2 days ago sustained me.  Even if what I eat isn't so delicious that I want to eat it every day for a year, & boy have I had meals like that,  it still was sustaining.  The same is true of Scripture; there are passages that are not ones that I'd necessarily memorize or that God used in my life at the moment, but that doesn't mean they didn't sustain me in my walk with Him. And like the physical meals I've enjoyed whether at home or at travel, that I go back to time and time again; I also do in the spiritual, there are passages of scripture that I refer to over and over again.

I want to be able to distinguish good from evil in an even deeper way, kind of like in 1 Corinthians 12:10.  I think it is for all of us to recognize the lies from the enemy and to reject them in the name of Jesus Christ, even when there is a more specific deeper place for those whom God gives a supernatural gift.

Choosing to eat healthy is not always easy, but does get easier with time even if the choice to go back is always there.   It takes one bite at a time to stay on a healthy diet both physically & spiritually.  Even in healthy eating I'll still have meals that I look forward to or hope to enjoy again & such is true spiritually.  I like what Howard Hendrix has to say about the mark of spiritual maturity in his book "Living by the Book,"The mark of spiritual maturity is not how much you understand, but how much you use.  In the spiritual realm, the opposite of ignorance is not knowledge but obedience."  God will grow me to the person He has created me to be, one bite at a time until I am eating spiritually healthy full course  meals and am trained to distinguish good from evil.

bite by bite carry me daily, Lord.

Cravings

1 Peter 2:1-3, "Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.  Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good" (NIV).

This passage speaks in terms of food as did yesterday's passage.  If you didn't read "My Sweet Tooth", you might want to read that before reading this, for a point of reference.  As I was saying, I have a tendency to eat compulsively and I most definitely need to rid myself of that & daily give it to God.  In the physical I am giving over my compulsive behavior and giving up several foods that trigger it & in the spiritual God asks us to rid ourselves of malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, & slander (go to www.dictionary.com if you need to).  When I give up my unhealthy eating choices I also gain many healthy eating options like delicious fruit among many other things God gave us for sustenance. The more I eat them the more delicious they are.  In the spiritual when I rid myself of those things with the help of the Holy Spirit I also gain the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control (Galatians 5:22-23).  Just as I have tasted that strawberries, blueberries, mangos, etc... are delicious and getting better; I will also continue to taste that the Lord is good!

Amelia is 10 months old now and is my 4th baby, I know all too well how a newborn baby craves milk!  She still gets a bottle now, but when she & each of her siblings was a new baby they would eat every 3 to 4 hours... sometimes 2.  They would each whimper & eventually cry if they got hungry; when milk was finally given each one of them had excitement that was obvious.  A newborn in Christ  will also crave "spiritual milk" so that they can "grow up".  This old Sunday School song comes to mind: "Read your Bible pray everyday and you'll grow, grow grow... Don't read your Bible forget to pray and you'll shrink, shrink, shrink..."  Reach for spiritual milk (ie: the Bible & prayer) & crave the answers in it!  The entire goal behind it all is that we grow!!  "The Bible was written not to satisfy your curiosity but to help you conform to Christ's image" (Howard Hendrix, Living by the Book).   This reminds me so much of what I said in yesterday's post about finally reaching for healthy food and learning how delicious it was and realizing how much better I felt as a result of a healthy diet & exercise. In the spiritual I will rid myself of spiritual junk & "feel better" walking with the Lord and gaining the Fruit of the Spirit with Bible reading & prayer. 

My Sweet Tooth

Psalm 19: 9b-10, "The decrees of the LORD are firm, and all of them are righteous. They are more precious than gold, than much pure gold; they are sweeter than honey, than honey from the honeycomb" (NIV).

The decrees of the LORD is the Word of God or Scripture, the Bible.
I'm liking the food analogy here because for the past couple of months I've been focused on giving our family a more healthy life style. In his book, "Living by the Book", Howard Hendrix gives his own analogy, but since food has been kind of a big deal for me for a little while now I have my own analogy brewing.

It wasn't very long ago that apples or any fruit I bought grocery shopping would go bad in our fridge before anyone would bother eating it. Personally, I'd look right passed them to the box of Rice Krispies and bag of marshmallows! I was really loving my Rice Krispie Treats in those days; at one point I gained 30 lbs in a month from eating so many sheets of them. For some reason I couldn't manage to pick up that apple, but I could polish off a tray of RKT with in 24 hours all by myself. Yes, what I surrendered yesterday was my sugar addiction and my compulsion to binge & overeat. I fasted sugar for lent, but the 2 weeks following it became abundantly clear that I have a problem that I never recognized before. I suppose I'll be surrendering it everyday from here on out. The point is that even if something is delicious and sweet like an apple doesnt mean we're going to reach for that healthy option like reaching for Scripture. I recognize that not everyone is going to look at sugar like its bad, but consider this: sugar can cause diabetes, it tells your body to store fat, its considered a carcinogen, must I go on? Do your own research if you're not buying it. Lets just say for argument's sake though that sugar is really really harmful to the human body and then compare it to what we tend to lean toward to satisfy our "spiritual sweet tooth." Does the phrase "retail therapy" come to mind? or maybe since "its been a hard day we should go out to eat-- or just sit here with a bag of chips and taco dip"--that phrase doesn't mean I'll be choosing something healthy either. What about calling a friend and gossiping about all the wrong that's been done to you? maybe sinking so much into TV shows, etc which basically turns into ignoring everything going on on the inside? There are so many different things people turn to instead of God, its uncanny. Mine have at different periods been any of the things I named sometimes all at once and sometimes one at a time.

Reaching for the apple instead of the brownie mix for the first time wasn't easy. Really, I choose to eat a ton of different kinds of fruit & I'm so ready for cherries to come back in season... and very excited that we're finally in strawberry season!! It did take me a while to get there and still if I think too long about my grandmother's chocolate cake I'll cave, my mouth is seriously watering right now. Strawberries, strawberries, strawberries... ok... Reading the Bible &/or studying the Bible is the same way. The first time was hard... I had to ease my way into it. I read "Get Out of that Pit" by Beth Moore first, its a fantastic book completely focused on God's GREAT LOVE for us. I was ready to read the Bible again after reading her book, especially since Beth Moore infuses all of her books with scripture! It gave me the taste for "healthy spiritual sweetness" again after years of eating "spiritual junk food."

I'm pretty sure I'm still detoxing from all the "spiritual yuck" that truly tasted good at the time, but I'm realizing more and more how so many of my previous choices take me rapidly from God, even if nothing is innately wrong with any of them. Just like desert Easter Sunday took me 3 weeks into poor dietary choices, away from my weight loss goals & started to trap me in previous compulsive eating. So, now I'm eating of God's "spiritual sweetness" of His Word & of the dietary sweetnesses He created for us to enjoy. The more you make healthy choices, spiritually or otherwise (which really its all connected) the sweeter and more delicious it tastes and your taste buds are revived!

I'm so thankful that God wants to carry me daily helping me to make healthy choices in every aspect of life. and for you too! <3. His Word truly is sweeter than honey!

Surrender

Today I surrendered something to the Lord.  Its interesting to be in a place to recognize the need for surrender.  God only wants whats best for me, so why not surrender the things that aren't His best?

If something in life is uncomfortable (or maybe wonderfully pleasant) and pushes me to Christ, it probably has to do with His best being that I am drawn more to Him.

If something in life is pleasant (or horribly uncomfortable) and severs my relationship with Him then it probably needs to be surrendered.

Proverbs 3:5-6, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" (NIV).

...and even when I fail or when something goes completely wrong, He in His great mercy makes another wonderful promise: Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (NIV).


 So thankful for such a Loving God.

Truth

not every day is victorious.  choosing not to walk in victory is also choosing to walk in a bit of misery today.  so far today i've made bad choices and then it comes the time of day that i have no choice but to confront myself and be honest.  i did commit to write this blog every single day for a year.  i can see what God is doing here, it is becoming utterly clear.  when i didn't have a reason to be completely honest with myself, i also didnt bother confronting myself about anything either. not confronting myself also led to not going to God and although I've prayed today, I havent been honest with myself or with Him.  sigh...

Ephesians 6:14, "Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth..."(NLT).

1.  God's word, the Bible, is truth.  We are sanctified (made holy or set apart) by the truth of the Word of God.  Reading, meditating, & memorizing are of the utmost importance to stand our ground & put on the belt of truth, which holds the entire armor of God on.

John 17:15-19, "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world.  For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified"--Jesus praying to God the Father (NIV).

Psalm 119:11, "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you" (NIV).


2.  The Truth of the Word of God is truth & being completely honest with ourselves and toward God is also truth.  I've been being honest with others, but not completely with myself or with God in a particular matter.  This isn't the first time this has happened.  I get involved in a bad habit and don't want to give it up; it could be any habit. The fact of the matter is that if I'm not willing to give it up it can create a stronghold & if its a sin then it will steal my joy of the Lord which is my strength. Getting with God, admitting the habit (whether sin or opening to a stronghold which is then sin) is truth and asking for help to walk in the way He knows is best for me will help me to keep my joy of the Lord. It helps me to stay strong & keeps my belt of Truth fully on and my entire armor of God held up.

John 4:23, "Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks" (NIV).

More Love

This morning, I was  thinking about yesterday's post about true Love.  Love really is everything.  These verses started coming to mind.

Philippians 4:13, "For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength" (NLT).

Nehemiah 8:10, "Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength" (NIV).

1 John 4:7-8, "Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love" (KJV).

SO... I can do everything through (LOVE) Christ, who gives me (the JOY of the LORD)strength. Its a promise that I am holding on to in order to refuse distractions, discouragement, frustrations, pity parties, and the like. In refusing them I will keep the Lord's joy while I daily choose to believe and keep the Love of God each day.

If we can do everything (anything) through Christ, who IS LOVE, then wouldn't it be fair to say that the enemy who seeks to steal, kill, and destroy would also want to destroy the possibility to receive GOD"S LOVE into our lives?  According to yesterday's verses in 1 Corinthians 13, there is nothing without Love.  All the struggle and sadness living in nothing is awful; its even more awful living in it as a born again believer.  There is so much more to this life than living in nothingness; and Christ died and rose again that we might accept 'the more to life' as His gift to us.  His Love is like a shining light which enables us to come out of the darkness of nothingness and enjoy this life He gave us.

I wrote about the Joy of the Lord a couple days ago in the blog post: "Disappointment."

These are the kinds of things I'm starting to recognize as I'm moving through the everyday battles that are part of life.  Holding on to the promises of God is what keeps me from believing any lie I hear whispered to me that would cause me to slide down into the abyss of nothingness all over again.

"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses" (1 Timothy 6:12, NIV).

True Love

1 Corinthians 13:1-12, "If I speak in the tongues^a of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,^b but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

Today, I was remembering what it was like living without receiving the Love of God in my life.  It felt very empty and dark, though I would not have discribed it as that while going through it.  There is something amazing about chosing to live receiving Gods Love on a daily basis; it is everything. It brings all that Love is described to be in 1 Corinthians 13: patience, kindness, humility; and it shuts out the things that are not Love.  Not that this picture is perfect all the time, I'm imperfect and in a big way.  But the Love of God still rests on me because of His mercy. I'm so thankful for that today. Love is everything.

Disappointment

In life, we don't get everything we want; I know that is completely obvious.  When disappointment comes, it is so easy to get so overwhelmed and focused on it that we forfeit our joy in its midst.  We hope and hope and plan and plan for something & when we get let down that disappointment can be all we think about for days.  Recently, I was hoping for something to work out smoothly and hit a couple bumps in the road instead.  I was very disappointed. It didn't take long to notice the enemy hovering, keeping my mind focused on the disappointment & urging me to get angry & bitter.  The joy I have in the Lord started to get smothered by my feelings.  As soon as I recognized it I chose to stop the disappointment and put my particular situation in God's hands; after all, He is the One that can do something about it.  Of course every disappointment is different, but no matter, the Lord always wants to be there for us to carry us through and to maintain His joy in our lives. ... no matter how severe the disappointment.  I chose to stop worrying and ask God to step into the situation & His joy was evident again.  Its unbelievable how the enemy carefully watches for the best time to come in to steal, kill, and destroy. I've also experienced disappointing situations when I did allow the enemy to come in and steal my joy of the Lord, replacing it with sadness, guilt, & deep depression. Its much more fun to recognize it off the bat and stop it immediately, choosing to keep joy!!

John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." --Jesus

 Then today I was listening to a podcast and this verse was referenced!!  My mouth dropped wide open!!  Nehemiah 8:10, "...Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."  Of course, the enemy is working to steal our joy of the Lord!!! It is our strength!!!  Aggghhhh!!!! 

Allow the Love and Joy of the Lord to flow into your heart and love and joy will flow out... Allow the anger, bitterness, resentment, depression, heartbreak etc...  to settle in too long and those things will start to flow out.  "...Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life," Proverbs 4:23.

Tactics

Today I recognized how the enemy will use anything to distract me & to accuse me.  If I let him, he can certainly take a disappointment, setback, or failure of mine and drag me miles with it.  I refuse to lay down to be tortured any longer; I'm here to fight. The examples I give here are  ways the enemy will begin to whisper lies into our lives. The idea is to recognize it and not allow it to settle in and take you for a ride.  As Joyce Meyer would put it, 'Think about what you're thinking about!'

For a few weeks now I've been working on the same task, working toward a finished 'product.'  Its completely time consuming and positively distracting, I'm ready to be finished. I've enjoyed the process of it for the most part, but now I'm praying for it to come to an end.  I think the Lord wanted me to get to the place where I could genuinely ask for the process of this particular task to be over with.  I'm tired of the distraction.  Today the enemy started to use it, taunting me that it will never end & further distracting me with it.  It figures... I realized today that yesterday I allowed the enemy to  distract me so much with it that it kept me all day long and into the night.   The Lord gave me peace about it getting completely finished... I just want it completely finished yesterday. sigh. so... I just need to move forward, stay focused on the time limits I have for each task at hand until its time for bed; not following the temptation to get utterly wrapped up in it so that nothing else can get accomplished. Even now its lurking over my shoulder to be done, I'm genuinely tired.
Resting in God as He carries me daily through it until I'm really done, letting Him fight my battles.

John 16:33 (NIV), "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world"--Jesus.

Further, the enemy will use my setbacks and failures against me, even things I'm choosing not to move forward in victory over.  It doesn't even have to be something God asked of me, it can be something I asked of me and the enemy will accuse me. At the end of February, I committed to not eat sugar until Easter in the hopes I would lose some weight.  The weight came off & the sugar eating began again. I said that the day after Easter I would go back to no sugar, more than a week has passed and its just getting worse.  I don't think the Lord ever has asked me to give up sugar, but the fact that I said I'd stop again gave the enemy a place to squirm in and accuse me of being a failure ... saying "look you can't even commit to that."  That just really makes me want to eat more, and if I don't rest in God's grace and instead allow the enemy to continue whispering to me those few words will pave the path to suicidal thoughts planted by the enemy.  Also, the fact is that I have an addiction to sugar and over eating that MUST be surrendered to God for any victory in this area to take place.  The Lord wants us to have victory in our lives (no matter how seemingly big or small); He LOVES us.

Going back to John 16:33. In her book, Thelma Wells defines overcome: "To overcome means to struggle successfully against a difficulty or disadvantage, to make somebody hurting you incapacitated or helpless, to break down somebody's normal self-control, to defeat somebody or something, especially in a conflict or competition; to win or be successful, especially in spite of obstacles.  In other words, God promises to defeat everything and everyone brought against you and me by the enemies of our lives and the enemy of our souls."

Ephesians 6:12, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Wearing a Mask

Ephesians 6: 19-20, "Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should" (NIV).

As I was writing yesterday's post, "Concentrate" I read through the armor of God in Ephesians 6 and came to verses 19-20.  I was immediately drawn to it, wanting to declare the gospel fearlessly.  Of course, Paul was imprisoned when he wrote this & possibly being tortured for his faith in Christ so its a very strong picture of a possible overwhelming sense of fear overcoming him. He requested prayer in his letter to the Ephesians that he would continue to declare the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ with out fear of anything. Talk about standing up for what you believe in!

I; on the other hand, am far from that.  I've come to realize how easy it is for me to put on a mask of what I think someone else wants me to be like.  If someone even slightly intimidates me or if I'm with  someone who I really want to like me, I won't completely be myself.  I don't really know why, possibly because of childhood insecurities, but I do know I can only be the best Carrie I can be. I cannot ever be the best anyone else, other than me.  Instead of letting my adult securities crumble over the insecure child inside, I want to choose to stand in confidence no matter who is with me.  Thank you, Lord for showing me my tendency to think like this at times, thank you for purging that out of me & replacing it with Your fruit of the Spirit & the ability to stand in Your confidence. Thank You, Lord for carrying me daily.

Concentrate.

Concentrate.
Concentrate on God.
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8, NIV).

The fact is that we do have an enemy doing everything he can to take us down from the moment we're born to the day we die.  I think there are points when he thinks he's won when he'll leave us to die, but I do not want to die spiritually.  I'm pretty sure I got to a point where he thought he had won me.  I thought that he might have, but I hoped he hadn't. That's when I started praying that 1 sentence prayer, "God, please return me to the joy of your salvation."  I'm here now, with full on joy... my closest friends are looking at me dumbfounded wondering why I'm so smiley all the time.  If you haven't seen me in more than 10 years then you didn't see how dark my life got and what it was like to be around me.  A few of my friends who see me on a regular basis may have not recognized where I was either.  I'm back to the joy of the Lord; not that I won't ever get sad because I'm sure I will and I'm sure I'll get angry, possibly even slightly depressed, regardless God is on the thrown of my heart and my ultimate goal is to keep Him exactly there. I do not want to be in the place of wishing I was dead. I know for me the reason I felt that way was because I pushed God away &  I was completely and utterly heart broken.  I fully realize that for some people that type of suicidal depression truly is bio-chemical and an anti-depressant is the best option,  I've been in that place before too & it is horrible.  Jesus is the answer and He will lead us to what we need to do to fix things IF we ask and IF we let Him through obedience to Him.

I'm recognizing more and more that we truly are in the midst of a spiritual battle. We obviously cannot SEE it with our eyes, but that doesn't mean its not happening.  Its interesting to start recognizing the little lies the enemy likes to whisper into our minds.  If you read C.S. Lewis' book "Screwtape Letters" you'll get a pretty clear idea of what its like & what the enemy's goals are toward us. God does warn us about the enemy through His Love letter to us, The Bible. He also tells us what we need to do in Ephesians 6:10-18 among other places through out scripture.

Ephesians 6:10-18, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

If you're interested in further explanation of this passage, a book I read a few years ago addresses this passage of scripture in everyday words, "Don't Give In... God Wants YOU to Win!" by Thelma Wells.  I'm going to read it again as its becoming more apparent to me that regardless of whether I choose to see the enemy's attacks on me or not, they are there.   I blinded myself to them before and very shortly after that I took a huge turn for the worse; I think I'll choose to see what God is showing me about how the enemy likes to whisper lies to us and how its so easy to believe.  I need a refresher course on spiritual battle and the armor of God.

Victory

I have been in awe of God all day today.   The words to this old hymn  are circling in my mind as I sit to post this blog:

Oh, victory in Jesus,
My Saviour forever
He sought me
And he bought me
With his redeeming blood

He loved me
Ere i knew him
And all my love
Is due him
He plunged me to victory
Beneath the
Cleansing flood

Its like, we don't even necessarily know we NEED Him as we walk around living life, but then something happens... someone shares something and we all of a sudden and continually realize that we can't go on without Him.  Salvation comes as a choice. Then as a Christian we learn that the victory is in Him and the spiritual forces against Him do not want us to gain that victory and do everything possible to keep us from it.  Go to Jesus and claim the victory in salvation &/ or the victory to walk in the Love of Christ.  Walking with Christ helps us to work toward inner healing and fullness, living receiving God's Love, peace, joy, etc... are on the other side waiting. Salvation plants the seeds to all these traits in our lives, then God gives us the ability to walk in Him allowing Him to to grow these things in us like never before. Each action is a choice on our part to let God do the work!  I'm so relieved to be  choosing to let Him do the work. Carried daily.

Alone

This is a very late going in today, because I was driving a large part of yesterday and today.  I'd almost forgotten what its like to drive alone or with someone that doesn't talk (Amelia was with me).  I listened to music, sang along to some & prayed a lot. It was really cool to be "alone" enough to pray with out any distractions or anyone waiting on me, which is usually the case.  hm. I wonder where & when I can get that alone daily? It really was refreshing to get to pray and spiritually listen to God.  I say spiritually listen because hearing God is not auditory; hearing God is similar to the conscience we're all born with but still far different and far more powerful. Conscience is self; God is God. Just thought I'd clear that up for anyone wondering what I mean by "God told me" or "listen to God" etc...
I don't really know how to describe this prayer time.  It was just nice to "get away" to pray.  It was informative, rejuvenating, relieving... I feel lightened and uplifted.  How can I put time like this in daily?  My day is 100% full to the brim.  It is obvious I need to reprioritize.  I want my prayer life to grow in to and passed what it was like the last couple of days while 'alone' in the car.  Awesome.  I'm positive its potential is even better.   Talking with God through out the day is necessary and wonderful but there's something really special about being in a place that you cannot be disturbed or distracted. 

Matthew 6:6, "But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

Sifted

Remember that I said before, Satan desires to have you, that He may sift you as wheat (Luke 22:31).  "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8, NIV).
Today for the first time in I don't really know how long, maybe ever, I noticed that he tried to sift me. wow.
Just now I'm really surprised. I prayed much of the day for deliverance and fresh focus.  Here I am, finally getting to know God again, falling in Love with Him fresh and anew, trusting Him & being obedient... and BAM!  Here comes that roaring lion.   I'm really glad that God is carrying me! So I was Bible reading and  God spoke clearly into my heart and showed me how I was starting to do something, and wanted me alert on the task at hand and not on any minor distraction.   Life is completely about relationships and getting  focused on parts of life that are inevitable is purely a waste of time.

This one tiny shift in focus really wasn't a big deal if I looked at it for what it is today, if God hadn't told me to stop it wouldn't even be considered a sin!!.  On the other hand, if I look at it for what it could become 5 and 10 and 20 years from now it could destroy the part of my life that is vital to stay focused on, which is why the Lord asked me to stop in the first place.  He can see the whole picture while I'm only living in a very tiny part of it today, so why not trust the One who sees it all and wants to give me what's best? Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (NIV).  Plus, its obvious I should stop because my first inclination was to keep going with it.  ah... obedience in the "little" things (or seemingly little)... Thank you Lord for not only giving me the joy of your salvation again but thank you also for giving me a willing heart (Psalm 51:12).  Please keep me and carry me daily.

Chat it Up

The phrase "prayer warrior" has  come to my attention  in a book I recently read & in prayer through Bible reading.  I did a quick google search to get a basic definition to give us all a point of reference for what this person might look like:

"Prayer Warriors are individuals or groups dedicated to praying for others through intercessory prayer, or in other words, praying on someone else's behalf. The term 'Prayer Warrior' refers to the act of taking up a defense (proactive or reactive) for another in prayer. Similar to how a solider takes up the defense of their country for the good of others, without asking anything in return.
Many Prayer Warriors believe they are called or lead to pray for others; that by praying for others they intercede with God on behalf of the person or group they are praying for. There are dedicated individuals and groups of Prayer Warriors that pray for political leaders, soldiers in combat (and their constant protection from harm) to individuals and groups that pray for a changes in their neighborhoods, communities, or even families.
Christian Prayer Warriors also typically pray for the salvation, being forgiven of sins through the sacrifice of Christ's death and resurrection whereby through the grace of God eternal life is given, of others who do not profess to be Christian's" (www.prayerwarrior.com).

Prayer is vital to the Christian walk. Talking to God about everything in our lives: every decision, every relationship, everything... Its also talking to God about others like we pray for ourselves; or at least, that's the picture I'm getting (if you'd like to add to that, please do). I'm coming back into a healthy prayer life, unlike it has been for some time.  Its not that I stopped talking to God, but that it was so incredibly infrequent or it was a "jeannie in the bottle" type of prayer.  Praying isn't just talking to the Creater of Everything, it's listening to Him with our hearts wide open; prayer then is a conversation with God. I'm working toward what its supposed to look like which I'm unsure if I know exactly what that picture is, especially when it comes to being a 'prayer warrior'.

1 Thessalonians 5:17, "Pray without ceasing" (KJV, biblos.com). We can 'chat it up' with the Maker of the Universe any time, all the time; so why not? 

Jesus teaches how to pray in Matthew 6, "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.  But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. “This, then, is how you should pray: “‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

I recently heard about this exercise ap called "couch to 5k." It helps someone who doesn't exercise at all train to run a 5k with in some short period of time.  I feel like I started doing something like that in my prayer life last month and now I'm coming up to the 5k and setting a new goal to train for a longer run is on the other side of it.  It is possible to go from a spiritual couch potato to competing in a spiritual "Iron Man"... the key is to start and not quit.. and to get up every single time I fail.  God is so amazing; He knows we fall and fail miserably, He expects it... which is why He sent His Son Jesus to die and rise again.  We can keep going when we cling to Him, because of His sacrifice.  He wants to carry us daily.

Sinking In

When I was a child, it was very very easy for someone to hurt my feelings.  Did I say very easy? VERY! I was so tender hearted, but by high school I toughened up some and started taking things less personally.  I don’t think I’ve ever stopped hating being corrected; it just makes me feel stupid or like someone thinks I’m stupid.  If I feel stupid because of it, my feelings will probably be hurt, which is mainly due to childhood bullying.  If someone publicly corrects me, it will automatically make me think they’re trying to make me look stupid which I resent and it is 1 of the few things that makes me angry. In my early 20s this was a HUGE problem for me; I think I’m at the point now that private, loving correction would be welcomed (public correction will probably always tick me off).  I actually do want to know if I could be doing something more efficiently or if I was flat out wrong, just privately so I can make the correction needed without further embarrassment of being wrong to begin with.  In my early 20s; however, this was not the case. Back then I desperately wanted approval (DESPERATELY) and I became a bit of a perfectionist. If I was going to bother with anything it would only be something I thought I could do and do well; everything else went out the window.   When it came time for God to correct me for something that I thought was major, I panicked and ran in the opposite direction, just like I did with people.  First off, every sin is the same in the eyes of God. Second, once we’re “saved” God sees us as we were, as we are (washed in the saving power of Jesus Christ), and as we will become.  Third, the only reason God corrects us at all is because He Loves us!!


Proverbs 3: 11-12, "My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in" (NIV).  I used to read verses like this and think that discipline meant something like corporal punishment.   Maybe there is a time and place for that; however, punishment is not the only form of discipline.  I'm sure, like any loving parent, punishment is the form of discipline God least likes to use.  According to dictionary.com, discipline is defined as 1) training to act according to rules, 2) activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill, 3) punishment inflicted by way of correction or training, 4) the rigor or training effect of experience."  One way I choose to discipline my children is by training them.  When each child is coming into toddlerhood I'll set up an object on the floor in front of him/ her that he's not allowed to have and each time he reaches for it I'll move his hand away and say "no no." It has worked well with the oldest 3 of my children (its almost Amelia's turn).  It's pretty cool to have a toddler just walking who will move his hand away from something when I say "no no".  I think God disciplines us by training us as well, I talk a little about how He's done that in my life in the post "Moving In," but how he does it is different for each of us because of what He is doing in us.  No matter what, He is disciplining because of His great Love for us.  That doesn’t necessarily mean its not uncomfortable, but it does mean that its happening for a purpose.  I need my toddlers to respond quickly to me saying “no no”... it has kept them from little things like going into cabinets they’re not allowed in to more important things like touching a hot stove.  God’s correction keeps us safe from things we don’t realize are dangerous; like a parent to a toddler, God’s perspective is much much broader that ours!  It seems like this is a more difficult place to sink into God’s all consuming Love, just like my 10 month old who throws a fit when she can’t do what she thinks she wants to do.  Difficult or not, sinking in is what I’m gonna do because its gonna get me to where He wants me to be!! Carried daily.

Change is Obvious

 Luke 17:11-19, "Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.  One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice.  He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.  Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?  Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?” Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well"  (NIV). 

These 10 men had the faith to ask for help from Jesus,  enough faith to obey Him when He told them to go see the priests, and enough faith to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that doing what He said would heal them.  I'm sure they had heard the stories of how Jesus was miraculously healing people and they just believed.  When God comes down and changes a life, it is obvious. 

I think my faith in the last long while has been just a small glimmer. Flickering.  Most of the time I knew He could do anything but, I wasn't sure He Loved me enough to care.  I'm so thankful to be choosing to receive His Love again and as I'm reading through the Bible & working through a Bible Study Workbook, I'm beginning to see more than ever how immeasurable His Love really is!!  It is my understanding from the teaching of Proverbs 3:1-8 that once we know God, we can then Love Him and if we love Him then we'll also trust Him...  Most of us never do get to know Him, much less love or  trust Him. I know I sure was a ways off for several years, but walking back into it again, it is clearly evident that I MUST get to KNOW Him... more than I ever have.  I need to Know Him for myself, because I made His Word personal for me. I remember that as I get to know Him with each passing day that I'll also daily learn to truly Love & Trust Him like never before because when I (we) trust God I can also come in to full obedience to Him who Loves me beyond measure. Like these 10 leprous men we can also be made whole through faith.  It is when we know Him, love Him, trust Him, & finally obey Him that we are, through complete faith, made whole & satisfied (read Proverbs:3:8).  Then praise be to God the maker of all for His guidance in getting us fully to Himself!

go to: www.biblos.com to read Proverbs 3:1-8.

Read Up

 Looking back over my life as a Christian, I can see that when I was reading God's Word & talking with Him each day I'd be near Him, walking with Him.  The periods where Bible reading & prayer started slipping, so did I, away from Him giving my attention to all kinds of things: good and bad.  The thing is that He wants our attention, He wants to be with us, and wants for us to be involved in life.  Bible reading has helped me and is helping me get to know who He is, what His purpose is, & how to walk through this life with Him (even in modern times).

Recently, I started using a Bible Study workbook called "Living by the Book" by Howard G. Hendricks and William D. Hendricks.  Roughly, 12 years ago I used this exact book as a member of a Singles' Group Bible Study.   A couple weeks ago, God reminded me of this workbook and told me where it was stored in my home and to use it to start studying His Word again.  I didn't even realize I still owned it. ha!  Last night, I bought the corresponding book and wanted to share a couple of insights with you all.

"...the only sure way to experience authentic Christianity is through firsthand acquaintance with the Word of God.  Don't just let a friend or a DVD or a blog tell you what the Bible says-- read and study it for yourself.  If you do, you will gain an authority from your personal ownership of Scripture that will stabilize and direct your life, even if the people around you are lost in a fog of spiritual confusion."

"There is life giving power in the Word of God, because it leads us directly to the One who is the way, the truth, and the life."

If you're looking for a place to start concerning Bible reading, I highly recommend getting both the workbook and the book & going through them step by step. You will come out having learned how to be a good student of Scripture, as well as, having experienced the 'life giving power' the Bible offers.


Here's a link to purchase the set:
http://www.amazon.com/Living-Book-Workbook-Set-ebook/dp/B006IWD3EE/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1334024265&sr=8-6

Beauty for Ashes

Last night, I burned a stack of old pictures. Yes. Burned.  We have a fire “pit” in our back yard, I threw in the pictures, etc and lit a fire to them.

A couple of weeks ago, God reminded me of the kind of heart I used to have and told me that is no longer true.  The only problem was that I was still living in some of the habit & the regret of the brokenness that came along with it.  I had not realized it until the Lord pointed it out.  At the beginning of March, I finally let go of all that regret and received God’s Love into my life for the first time in years. Then fast forward two weeks to last night.  I was studying His Word, prayed afterward and the Spirit whispered in my heart, “there are several pictures of this and that upstairs in your cabinet, go get them.”  So I went and flipped through a couple of photo books and started taking out all these pictures.  It was obvious what they were, a lot of posed friends with smiling faces that had lots of memories behind them. As I finished I realized they all represented having my heart broken over and over and over again, and I was holding on to it all, like the ‘high places’ I talked about a couple of days ago. I was going to just tear them up and throw them away, then I heard God say in my heart, “burn them.”  Ok? Just where am I supposed to do that?  “Burn them in the ‘fire pit’ out back.”  Oh. 

I stood there watching a lot of memories burn and I prayed.  Thank you, God for giving me beauty for ashes.  Isaiah 61:3, “To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.”(KJV, bible.com)  I also had plenty of regret from those years, but God still used them to transform me into the person I’ve become. Joel 2:25, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..” (NIV, biblos.com)  Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (NIV, biblos.com)  I am beyond thankful for my amazing husband, for my four sweet children, for every single ounce of my life as it is. God truly is in the business of restoration.

I’m so thankful that He carries me daily, freeing me from guilt, regret, & ‘high places’.

I Trashed my House

John 3:16, “For God so Loved the world, that He gave His Only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

God gave Himself to come from the perfect place, heaven, and place Himself in human form to die and come back to life just so we could be with Him both now and forever.  Kinda sounds like a story from the ‘Iliad’ or ‘Odyssey’, but this story is true and the more you read the Bible and put it all together the more you have to recognize it is truth.  Former atheist, CS Lewis was one of many to seek to prove the Bible’s invalidity and instead come out a believer. He authored several books, such as, the Chronicles of Narnia, but “Mere Christianity” is worth the read if you’re curious about how an atheist becomes a radical follower of Christ (his vocabulary is broad so have a dictionary on hand, just in case ;). )  

Yesterday, I trashed my house! :)

Materials: 

index cards

fine tip sharpie or ink pen

God’s Promises book (so you can easily look up Bible verses for what you need)

tape

Instructions:

Find verses from the God’s Promises book (you can find book in Walmart, Target, or any book store) and write a verse on each index card.  Tape cards up around the house in places you stand long enough to read them. Like over the kitchen sink, in the bathroom, on the washer or dryer, on light switches everywhere...   Daily live in the reminders to dwell in His Love. 

One of the passages I used today is really standing out in my mind; so I’m going to share it with you: Psalm 139 is such a terrific chapter, every single word is rich with gut level personal value!!

O Lord, you have searched me

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,

and abhor those who rise up against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting (NIV, www.biblos.com)

When you read this, what you need to learn from it will stand out to you, each time I’ve read it a different part is more evident. Today, I’m so thankful to God for His consistency in Loving us, for His steadiness to stay the same toward us despite our position to Him. During the years when I wasn’t looking to follow Him, He still subtly worked in my heart growing me and preparing me, I could not hide from Him (Psalm 139).  Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have toward you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  And I did still listen in some areas;then, from January until the beginning of March I prayed that God would bring me back to the joy of His salvation, He did that and He also gave me a willing heart.  I indeed feel free!

Happy Easter, everyone!! <3

fix it

The phrase ‘I need to take time before time takes me,’ keeps ringing in my ears.

I’m pulling double duty with a few things in my life right now and I really, really, really don’t have time to do it all.   Good thing I’m saying goodbye to some of it!! I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to make it work.  I am seeing; however, that time vanishes &  relationships are the most important thing in your & my lives!

I feel like I’m harping on the same thing I’ve been talking about all week, but I suppose God is having to talk to me about the same thing each day.  I can see what I want my days to look like, but getting there is a bit of a challenge.  I’m going to put this out there for your accountability, so if you see me, ask me if its done!  I am going to fix my "days" (which includes: devotional time, homeschool system, exercize, meal planning etc...) and ‘trash’ my house (I think I talked about ‘trashing’ in the post “Just Breathe”) around all the craziness going on here over Easter weekend!  This is like a crossroad of either I'm going to fix it or I'm not, either way I've got to move on.  If you join me in this challenge, please let me know! <3

Happy Easter!

Makeovers

This morning when I was at the gym, I glanced up at the TV and noticed women on a talk show showing off their new made over looks. I’ve always loved makeovers, women just seem so excited about getting a fresh new look and their spirits seem to be more settled. I love it.  I think that’s why I loved being a Beauty Consultant for the past 6 1/2 years; makeup and beauty advice are my thing... or was my thing. It is so much fun for me to give a woman a makeover that lifts her spirit!! Watching makeovers on television is so much fun, I just digest the information and give it out again.  I can make a woman who is over 40 look 5 years younger with makeup alone. Its amazing how just a few changes can make such a huge difference!!

1 Samuel 16:7 “God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (NASB).

It seems to me that women were born with a desire to want to feel beautiful and man does look on the outward appearance. We can get a huge dose of confidence from a makeover, and that is great!! If you haven’t ever had one with someone who knows what they’re doing, you should definitely take the time!!  It seems that more and more of us are not taking the time; moreover, ignoring our outward appearance to the line of social acceptance. Sometimes its the season to take less time than it is in another season, like as a stay at home Mom compared to being part of the “work force”, for instance. The heart; however, needs constant attention.

I’ve noticed in my own life over the years I got to the point of ignoring my inward appearance, my heart.  I struggled with depression & suicidal thoughts overwhelmed me; I shut down and buried myself in things that would keep me from thinking at all.  The end of the day when I’d crawl into bed to go to sleep was a very dark time frame in my mind, body, & spirit, because it all came into focus. It was as if I hadn’t bathed in years, & all grooming efforts went out the window.  My mind, body, & soul needed rescue & an emergency makeover!   In January 2012, I was kind of lost and I started praying that God would take me back to the joy of His salvation, as the psalmist did in Psalm 51:12, “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”  I had absolutely NO CLUE how in the world I’d’ ever get there, but I figured it was worth a shot to pray since God is God and probably knows what He’s doing even if I don’t know.  It was definitely worth praying!! God please bring me back to the joy of Your salvation. That was it, I’d stop praying after that one sentence.

At the beginning of March, God put me in a position to cross the line, to jump in the suds and come out with a fresh new look. The funny thing about taking a bath in His Love & allowing Him to groom us is that it should to be done daily.  Our natural tendencies can get us ‘stinking to high heaven’ spiritually if we don’t bathe in His Word, allowing Him to transform us, growing fruit of the Spirit in us & giving it out to others again, that they may know the ‘good news’ of God.  In this past month, I’ve had to come to terms with some of my spiritual immaturity. For starters, I’m recognizing past tendencies to get angry with Him if something bad or unexpected happened.  Closeness with God or doing the right things, does not mean everything is going to be ‘peachy’, life on earth is still just that, life.  Life can be painful and messy, but what God does promise is that He’ll be there for us to carry us through it. He can handle our anger, that’s not the issue, the issue is thinking God must owe me something if I live clean OR thinking He must hate me if I fall into sin.  Neither is true. He wants to be in a loving relationship with us, which includes doing things for the other simply because you Love them and it includes things happening that make the other sad or angry & still resting in one another’s love.  God is so much bigger than we could ever imagine. He is perfect, holy, He is Love, mercy & grace, He knows everything & sees everything, He knows what the best thing is for us and wants to get us there & so on; these things are difficult for the human brain to wrap itself around, but that doesn’t make it less true. Its easy to deny that we have problems, or hatful thoughts, or wrong actions, but if we were all more honest we would all know that we are not alone in having these negative traits! No one is perfect; so lets discipline ourselves to allow God to truly make over our  minds, bodies and souls that we would fully Love Him as He Loves us & so that we can truly be transformed.

Thank you, Lord, for carrying me daily.

How He Loves Us

I had this song on my mind all day yesterday. The end of the day came and I asked the Lord what He wanted me to write about for today's entry.  For the past couple of days I've been praying about how to stay with Him, in His Love, abiding with Him, praying without ceasing.  The daily tasks aren't going anywhere; I can't lay on my living room floor in worship or sit Bible open studying His Word 24/7, life doesn't work like that.  So.. how how how??  How He Loves Us!!!  I can sing (not great) but I can sing with my heart in worship to Him/ about Him receiving His Love doing many of the things I need to do throughout the day.  If you come to my house you may need to bang on the door for me to hear it because between 4  children & worship music blaring we might not hear you otherwise.  :)  so... music, trashing my house (read post "Just Breathe" to learn about it), praying God would show me what I need to hear from Him before daily reading scripture... taking down high places, simply talking with Him all throughout the day (this is the main thing I MUST DO MORE OF)  Getting to know Him more has everything to do with leaning in to Jesus and truly abiding in His Love all day long, everyday.Why would I not worship?  Why would I not read His Word?  Why would I not talk with Him all the time?  It is so easy to get distracted & all these distractions can lead me all the way to the end of the day when I finally come to God.  Lord, please carry me daily, helping me fight off the distractions that so easily steel my focus from You, I completely realize that doing life with out You is not an option for me.  Thank You for Loving me God!
So glad He Loves Us!!

click the link to hear the song that's been playing in my mind all day, the words are below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO-Cp2kcFjc

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And O how He loves us
Oh, O how He loves us
How He loves us all

Yeah He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves


We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

And O how He loves us
Oh, O how He loves us
How He loves us all

Yeah He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves us
O how He loves

Love & High Places

For the past few months I’ve been reading through the Bible along with the book “66 Love Letters” by Larry Crabb. It has been really cool to see how God was there for His people anytime they called out to Him.  James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you” (ESV).  They sinned big, but when the rubber hit the road they’d go back to God and He would draw close to them. The same is true for us, it doesn’t matter what my (your) sin was/is, when we call on God to forgive us or to Love us or anything else, He draws close.  He even helps us to Love Him more because He Loved us first. I Love this attribute (among others) of God! I don’t know about you, but I get a huge dose of encouragement with how much He Loves Us and  that He’d even bother with us after all the grief we cause Him. Loving God! <3

I’m in 2 Kings now.  Honestly, it is kind of monotonous to read; however, today when I started reading I took the right approach.  I prayed and asked God to show me something I need from what I’m reading.  I’m in the part that talks briefly about each king and then says that what they did is written in Chronicles. I was a little unsure if I’d get anything... I don’t know why.  It really didn’t take long for God to show me a point that He was making. With each king it said whether he loved God or not and then if He did it also said, but he didn’t take down the “high places” where people worshiped other Gods & it caused the people to sin against God; at least, its like that with each king through chapter 15. If I allow “high places” to stay in my life, they will indeed keep me in bondage and from accomplishing God’s perfect plan in my life.  I have a sneaking suspicion that He will be asking me to tear down some “high places”; I’m a little nervous.  I feel like I’m kind of craving some not so healthy things, that are not in my life during the lent season (like sugar, among a few other things not related to food) and I’m wondering if He is going to ask them of me due to my ridiculous addiction.  Then again there could be ‘high places’ that I’m not totally aware of.  May the God of All knock them down!! 
hm. stay tuned, I sure am.

Just Breathe

This week I’ve gotten to the end of each day feeling like I’ve held my spiritual breath all day.  I’ve read less than 1/2 of the amount of scripture I was reading each day the previous 3 weeks.  God was really moving in my heart challenging lies I’ve believed for ages, bringing me back to His truth. I was feeling more spiritually satisfied than I have in some time.   This week has been different.  If I have read scripture in the morning, I don’t think I let it stick or have prayed for God to show me something I need through it.  The day rushes by everyday, then when I sit down and think back over the day searching for something God is teaching me, I’m stumped.  It is occurring to me, that I’m holding my spiritual breath all day.

God is like oxygen; we need Him to breath spiritually. Matthew 4:4 Jesus said, “‘People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”  ... we live on ‘EVERY WORD THAT COMES FROM THE MOUTH OF GOD!’ How long can you hold your breath?   We all know that oxygen is an element that keeps us alive, with out it we would die.  I realized yesterday that I’m not breathing Him in and out, totally inhaling His Love & His Presence all throughout the day. Without Him I will start to die spiritually again, and I’m not interested in traveling that road ever again! It is painful & my understanding of God got totally distorted and went completely against who scripture teaches He is, because I stopped breathing spiritually. 

God breathed His words through all the different authors of the Bible, this is the first place I MUST go to breath in or consume His Words.  The Bible is the “living” Word of God, it can speak into our lives what we need when we need it.   God also speaks to our hearts in prayer, when we listen.  I feel like I need to do more of this. I get so caught up in my daily responsibilities I’m not sure if I’ve talked with Him at all since the morning.   I probably haven’t.   .... This morning I was praying about how to breath Him in all day, because there is something I feel that needs to be added.  A friend texted shortly after, talking about holding her accountable to “trash” her house, because she wants to be reminded of who she is in Christ throughout the day.  To “trash” your house you simply write scripture you need on index cards and post them in places you would read them throughout the house. I’m going to do this again too! It lives fresh in us all through out the day with constant reminders right in front of us. Learning to “pray with out ceasing” is also a solid way to breath God in throughout the day (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

Lord, please carry me daily, teaching me how to breath You in & to consume Your Words.

My Full Quiver

Something that I generally feel determined about is deliberately spending time with my children.  I believe that if they grow up knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that their parents love and adore them that they will become confident, well adjusted adults.  I try to make consistent strides toward this.

Yesterday I got a little wake up call from my husband.

Like I said a couple days ago, I get easily caught up in all of my “to do’s” barreling ahead to get it all accomplished so I can spend time with my family or doing whatever I do to wind down.  For the past couple of weeks... months... I’ve felt about 2 weeks to a month behind on so many things. I try to not think about it and just chip away at what’s in front of me; if I focus on it for even a second it can wash me away.  We prefer for Saturday to be family day, but different things have ended up taking most of the day up this year: Madelyn took a dance class for 8 wks, then the last 3 Saturdays took time to get necessary things done.  Its been a while since Saturday was family day.

Time to get my weekly plan sheet out again and make a plan as a couple so team work toward quality family time ensues.

Proverbs 20:7, “The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him” (KJV).

“Know this: God, your God, is God indeed, a God you can depend upon. He keeps His covenant of loyal love with those who love Him and observe His commandments for a thousand generations” (Deuteronomy 7:9, The Message)

Psalm 127 3-5, “Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,  the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.

I’m encouraged by these verses to keep receiving Love from God and to Love Him in return, trusting Him enough to obey Him; in doing so He will keep His promises and lovingkindness toward my children to 1000 generations, what a blessing!  It is so important to aim our children toward the Lord like a warrior aims an arrow.  We are already aiming them in some sort of direction the question is which way are we aiming?  Consistency is key in all things concerning children and they desperately Need to know that their parents unconditionally Love them.

Looking back on the past 3 weeks, I see that I have not spent the amount of quality time with them that I feel they need.  At some point every day they need our undivided attention!! UNdivided! Only the child has our attention to talk to us about anything, to play a game or go for a walk or whatever (with our doing a chore or checking stuff online, etc..) and I know that what we do with them concerning this type of attention will turn around on us when they’re teens and young adults.  Why would a teen or young adult bother spending any time with a parent that never bothered to spend any time with them as a child? The wouldn’t.   Treating them with respect, giving them attention, and proper training consistently is how to raise a child to become an adult.  Of course I don’t have grown children; this is what I’ve gathered from others’ victories and mistakes and from a number of parenting books & psychology classes. :)

Thank You Lord for your Love and direction in raising 4 wonderful children!! <3

Feeling Less

Between childhood/ adolescent pain & disappointment, I learned quickly to expect less from others while somehow I eventually started expecting more of myself.  I realize its a strange dynamic. Expecting less of others or figuring out what to expect from them keeps me from feeling hurt or disappointed by their actions in most circumstances, I think this is emotionally healthy for the most part.  If I get caught off guard its a different story all together.  It wasn’t until I was in college that I started expecting more of myself, until then I expected little to nothing of myself because of all the grade school junk I went through.  In college and for several years after I felt a drive to “prove myself”, I had this “look what I can do” or “I’ll show them” mentality. I graduated with honors in Psychology from Liberty University and then went on to prove myself in my business.  A few years ago God finally helped me to release that ‘need‘ and I was able to settle in to what He wanted/ wants for me. 

Now, He is showing me how little I allow myself to feel.  I think it partly has to do with childhood trauma (of course it could have been worse, but its my pain), partly to do with adolescent heartache, & an overall disappointment with life in general.  These things hurt the heart and so I started shutting out anything that could hurt me. This includes getting excited about anything, because in my heart, if I get too excited then something will go wrong and what I’m excited about won’t happen.  It has made it so that most every gut level emotion gets shut out. Getting caught off guard with something can still throw me for a loop and sometimes I’ll feel the pain deep down, but I’ll do my best to ignore it all until I don’t feel it anymore.

This “feeling less” issue is something God is showing me just now and He wants to heal  it in me.  I’m not totally sure what that’s going to look like, but I do know I need to let Him carry me daily. <3