pure intimacy

Reading through the Gospels--in Luke now-- and I'm looking at Mary.  The most detailed account of her finding out that she'd be pregnant with Jesus is in Luke.


Luke 1:26-38

In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end.”

“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?”

The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be barren is in her sixth month. For nothing is impossible with God.”

“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May it be to me as you have said.” 

Then the angel left her.

I'm pretty amazed by this whole interaction. It makes me wonder what kind of person she was, but more importantly what kind of relationship she had to have had with God!  I'm remembering the last chapter of "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp where she compares the deepest intimacy with God to a healthy sexual relationship in the bounds of marriage.  Basically that it's supremely vulnerable and intense, intimacy with God is spiritual love making in the healthiest form--according to Ann.   Then I remembered a verse: Hosea 2:16, "In that day," declares the LORD, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master."  For me, at this point in my marriage, I read these words and see what the shift means.   I love my husband so much, we talk about everything & we love and respect each other (at this point), now I can see that as I have a pretty healthy though not perfect relationship with my husband that we have grown to desire the same things. We work together, we are a team, we are intimate, and I do want what he wants (at this point in our marriage) and vise versa.   There is no, I must do what he says, because now it's all 'I want to...'  Mind you our marriage has not always been like this, we keep seeking God and we have a mutual love and respect for each other that welcomes yeses as much as nos (most of the time).   See The Lord is saying, we can work as a team when we can get to pure intimacy.  I'm pretty sure that's why Mary could say, "I am the Lord's servant... may it be to me as you have said." because she had that purely intimate relationship with the creator of the universe!  It's why God chose her to be the Mother of God-Jesus.  

Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."  My heart's desires become His and He works to give them to me-- team work. Love.

power giving.

Reading through the gospels I came on something I never noticed before: "The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people" (Matthew 27:52-53). This happened right after Christ "gave up the spirit" on the cross.
How powerful.
and the most powerful thing is that when He conquered the grave having risen 3 days later and then ascended into heaven later, He gave us the gift of salvation and heaven.  The best thing I've ever done in this life is opening His gift.
<3

beckoning distractions

A week ago I posted about Nehemiah confronting distractions by staying put.  He had both distractions and obstacles all along the way of getting the wall rebuilt.  The Babylonians tried several ways to trip him up, & in one instance he sent a reply to a distraction.  He said, "so I sent messengers to them with this reply: "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" (Nehemiah 6:3)  Perseverance & passion at its best!

Tonight the Lord is reminding me of this verse, because the past few days I forgot.  Remembering to say to my constant distractions 'I can't come down, I'm carrying on a great project...'  There were a couple days this week that my family felt like the distraction, but in reality family is the gargantuan part of 'a great project' for God!  My distractions have more to do with screens which consume my time.  God was reminding me tonight-- as I so wanted to just vegg out on the couch and turn on re-runs of a favorite show (wanting to "come down")-- that He asked me to carry out a great work by finishing reading through the Bible in a very short time & follow it by starting 3 different Beth Moore studies at the same time. Basically He is asking me to do what He asked the men to do in these verses:  Ezekiel 3:2, "So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat."  and that the Lord said, "... Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it with good things" (Psalm 81:10).  and "Then he said to me, "Son of man, eat this scroll I am giving you and fill your stomach with it." So I ate it, and it tasted as sweet as honey in my mouth" (Ezekiel 3:3).  and Jeremiah 1:17, ""Get yourself ready!..."    And then as I read through Matthew and Mark tonight He showed me how with each responsibility He gives and I take seriously He'll give more, but when I don't take them seriously He'll take them all away.  So what are my personal responsibilities?  In this order: My relationship with God, my relationship with me, my relationship with my husband, my relationship with my children, home-schooling, ministry.  To be honest they just got in the order they're supposed to be in!! 150 days ago it was more like: me, screens, children, my husband, homeschool, friends, and distantly God.  I prefer it the way it's meant to be which is what it is today; I know a lot of people think they are supposed to be last, but the fact of the matter is that if I don't take care of myself (spiritually, emotionally, physically) then there is no way I'll be able to care for others... I'd burn out and die before ever getting anywhere with anyone else. God is definitely first these days, though screens fight for the first position.  Whatever my time is given to is first. Period. and my relationship with Him flows into all of my relationships and activities which creates a nice solid #1 foundation.   Anyway, Matthew is written to the Jews which is who all the prophets were warning in the Old Testament so it flows right in with the overall message of "HELLOOOO PEOPLE!!! WAKE UP!! I"M SERIOUS HERE!...."  God is serious, He is not playing around with us when it comes to having a loving thus obedient relationship with Him. So... "I am carrying on a great project, I cannot go down" will be repeating in my mind as I do what I want to do by being in a loving relationship with Him and eating His Word (& getting enough sleep, & spending time with my family)... and not doing what I don't want to do which is being consumed by screens. 

till, dig, pull

The Parable of the Sower:
Jesus taught, "A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds same and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop-- a hundred sixty or thirty times what was sown. He who has ears, let him hear" (Matthew 13:3-9, NIV). "Listen to what the parable of the sower means: When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. this is the seed sown along the path. The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. But since he has no root he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop ,yielding a hundred, sixty, or thirty times what was sown" (Matthew 13:18-23, NIV).

So the question I asked as I read this is, then if I want to grow- and I do-- then what do I need to do to be the person whose heart is like the good soil? The answer: Ask God to give me understanding so that the path is tilled up. Ask God to dig out the 'rocks' in our lives that prevent depth of soil. Rocks prevent growth and must be removed, I'm thinking that this could possibly be lies we believe that take up space instead of truth. Ask God to pull up the thorns of worldly wants in our lives so that true fruitfulness doesn't get choked out. I want the soil of my life to be capable of producing and growing a hearty crop of the Fruit of the Spirit. Lord, please remove & till the places of my heart that need it... I want so much to be filled by You.

I've noticed that so much of the pruning God does in our lives is by allowing emotions to arise that connect to things that have corrupted our lives.  I struggled most of my life with believing that anyone loved me and fought to be worthy of love.  The reason for this has to do with certain things that happened in my childhood that I won't go in to.  It resulted in seeking love which led to perfectionism and approval addiction. This resulted in a big fat rock in my life that stunted my spiritual growth.  I'm replacing this junk with the truth of God's consuming Love and approval of us which is due to the gift of Christ. "For God so Loved the World that He gave His only Son..."  There is no earning His Love, He Loves us whether we work for it til kingdom come or not.  I want my tenacity for giving back to Him through my being to be solely a result of completely receiving His gift of Love.  He started working on this stuff in me (that I was aware of) 6 wks ago. It's very freeing to let go of this push to earn Love... and opportunities arise here and there where I can choose to give more of it to God as He draws it from my heart.  He brings us all to choices like this.  Lets get the rocks out so we can grow.

Rapunzel

Have you seen the Disney movie 'Tangled'?  Its so cute. The last couple of days I've been cuddling on the couch with little girls who have tummy aches... letting babies crawl or run around and make mischief. Anyway, we watched Tangled again for the 6,764,201 time... It was my 10th time or so seeing it all the way through.  Pardon me while I spiritualize a movie that was not meant to be spiritual.  In the movie Rapunzel wants to leave her home in a tower to see lights in the sky & loves these amazing floating lanterns that are lit up on the same night every year for the missing princess.  At the end of the movie Rapunzel is back in her tower & suddenly realizes that she is in bondage, that she is trapped by an evil force, that she is the missing princess.  She confronts the evil force, Mother Gothel, and fights to go free.  The prince rides in on the white horse climbs her hair to her rescue... that's kinda where the biblical match up ends.  
Isn't it ironic how we can live life not recognizing our bondage?  Living trapped in a ''tower'', dreaming of wider open spaces, but staying doing the daily ins and outs.  Getting a taste of the outside of freedom only to come back and finally see that it is all a lie.  Freedom comes with Christ. period.  There is none apart from Him, only entrapment.  
Leave the tower,  the Prince of Peace is there to save you and show you the wide open world.  This is done by whole heartedly seeking Him, asking for forgiveness of sin, to come into your heart and save you. <3

Group prayer

A little advise that is Something simple that we put off: Getting a good group of a couple godly girl friends to get together & pray with once a week will change your life, not to mention what you believe about prayer. <3

most important

I think Jonah is my new favorite book of the Bible. What can I say? I can relate to the guy.  Toward the end of the book it says he wanted to die and gave the reason, but I'd imagine that wasn't the first time he felt that way. There were probably all kinds of things that depressed him, not that he was suicidal, but that he was ready to go as soon as God would take him.  At the beginning of the book when God told him to go to Ninevah he was less than enthused, in fact he ran in exactly the opposite direction of where God told him to go.  ... done that. check and check.  God took me to & through a dark place emotionally to bring me closer to Him as He did with Jonah throwing him in the belly of a whale.
When he finally did what God asked, taking a message of destruction to Ninevah unless they repented, the people immediately sought God's forgiveness and turned from evil. Success, right??  Jonah was angry at God that He didn't destroy the people.  Then God showed him how ridiculous he was acting by causing a vine to grow to shade him from the hot sun and the next day killed it.  Jonah was again angry at God for killing the vine that gave him comfort.  Isn't that how we all are? More concerned with our comfort than we are with the lives of others?  I'm not talking about the lives of loved ones I'm talking about the lives of people in general: people in need; who need Christ, need food, need clothing, need Love, who need compassion... We can provide for others, we can provide something. We can all give. People are most important.

compassion international
mercy ships
danita's children
your local food pantry
your local homeless shelter
take a bag lunch to the homeless man you pass everyday and tell him Jesus Loves him
perform a random act of kindness (read 'You Were Made for This')

we can all give... even if we can only afford a jar of peanut butter once a wk for a food pantry. Ask God what He wants you to give.

important distractions?

You're probably the same-- this time of year (and a lot of the rest of the year) my to do list mounds and I get overwhelmed. The things that take a little extra seem to sit and never get done-- I finally hemmed a dress for Madelyn tonight that I bought her 3 weeks ago.  The only reason it didn't just wait til next year is because she begged and begged several times a day for the last 3 weeks for me to get it done! ... done.  More home school lessons to plan, traveling preparations to make, studying to do, closets to clean out, renovations undone,  not to mention the blizzard of house work that will get shoveled out just in time for my heart to ache in the absence of children. I'll miss the mess just like every other parent will.
Practicing taking every moment  as a blessing.  Its easy to be frustrated about cleaning up the same mess 15 times in 3 hours because guests are coming... any other time I've learned to leave it at least until the end of the day, for sanity's sake.  Children will be children... it's easy to get upset and vent it all out all over the place for little ears to absorb .  God forgive me.
Its difficult to stop picking away at the mounds even for a moment to enjoy little children.  I'm learning to have fun playing with them again & even in the midst I'm thinking of what I need to get done.  It's not easy to force myself to stay.  Enjoy the moment, because when the moment is gone it will never ever be regained.  Every birthday that one of my children has I wish I had a little more time with the age they had been.  Everything is a distraction from the most important things in this life.  Of course there are things that are part of life that need to be done, but letting everything become a distraction from knowing our children, our spouse, our God??
I'm tired of the distractions in my life keeping me from the important.  I want to give more to the importants... God, husband, children, friends, people. To give the Love of God, to be to them who God created me to be for them... to enjoy the now!  It's so easy for  me to look around at what needs to be done, to wish for more of the future when God is saying to me-- be aware of what needs to be done, be aware of the future, but enjoy the now!  If we're not enjoying or confronting the moments today gives with the people we love; we've missed the boat. 
Matthew 6:34, "Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.." 
Mary was spending time sitting at Jesus feet  being with Him while Martha was freaking out distracted by preparations for Him and the disciples.  Luke 10:41-42, "'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."  
Distractions aren't going anywhere and neither is choice. Learning to choose the importants to consume my time-- to freely give it to who is important rather than what.  God, husband, children, family, others...

Build There.

In the last several chapters of Ezekiel the Lord was guiding the people to rebuild in a very specific way. It was honestly a little tedious to read as I wasn't really getting a clear picture of things.  I often feel that way in life, the destination of the next place is not totally clear and God is only giving me step by step instructions that don't necessarily make sense (also like in Noah's Ark).  I was happy to see that I was nearing the end of the book of Ezekiel and as I read the last verse my heart settled, not because it was the end but because of what it said.  Ezekiel 48:35, "...And the name of the city from that time on will be: THE LORD IS THERE."  
When we get saved, the Lord moves in... once He clears out the rubble in our lives and grows His fruit of the Spirit in our hearts filling us to overflowing, it will be clear that "THE LORD IS THERE" in your heart.  The step by step may be tedious & seem pointless, but there is a reason and a point to every little thing. Romans 8:28, "For all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose."  Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you to bring you hope and a future."  His #1 goal in every person to ever live is to bring us to the place where it is completely obvious that "THE LORD IS THERE"  First He will build there once we've accepted Him. <3

dream?

You have a dream. What is it?  What's that thing that you know God is asking you to do... today, 3 months from now, 3 years from now... What is it you've seemingly always had a passion for, but never really saw a possibility of getting there?   It's not that the road is not there, it's that the road is full of distractions and obstacles.  What distractions are up in your life?  For me there are things that like to eat up my time, which in essence take time away from what is the most important.  Of course distractions are things that we like to do or they wouldn't be distractions!  Obstacles are a nuisance and no real fun to deal with, but part of reaching ahead to accomplish what we are passionate about.  In reality over coming distractions & obstacles grow our passion like a rain storm grows fields of flowers.  Overcome to open the gift of victory, God loves helping us along this path!

Take Nehemiah for instance. He had both distractions and obstacles all along the way of getting the wall rebuilt.  The Babylonians tried several ways to trip him up, & in one instance he sent a reply to a distraction.  "so I sent messengers to them with this reply: "I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?" (Nehemiah 6:3)  Perseverance & passion at its best!

shooting

Tonight Scott and I went to see Dark Knight Rises. Like I said before, we love super hero movies and this one was no exception.  During the first little bit I couldn't help but think about the shooting in CO and wonder what makes a person get to a point that they would open gun fire on a crowd of unsuspecting people sitting in the dark watching a movie with several shootings.  What gets a person to the point where he/she just hates people so much? So much that they belong in a prison for the criminally insane?
I've never fantasized about shooting down a bunch of people but I must confess I haven't always looked at people in the positive light I do today.  I've never wanted to physically hurt someone, not really... but there was a time when I was completely cynical with a totally negative outlook.  What happens in a person that they go from general negativity about people to wanting to mow them down with a gun?
The enemy wants to take us down! Few will explode in the most extreme way like this, many more will kick their dog, scream at their kids or spouse, lash out in some socially acceptable way; & still many of us implode, either way down is down. I want more than anything to live a life full of grace and mercy reflecting Christ.  Live a life full of life full of love, not desiring my own death (whether suicidal or just looking forward to the end). I want to look forward to life, my own and living it with others... not angry at them or hurt by them at every turn.   Of course we do get hurt by and angry at each other, but there is also happiness and comfort to be had as well.
Walking close with Christ daily is the key here. With Him great things are possible in relationships, even when we're hurt.  Fixing relationship issues can be totally tricky, but that's not really what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about an overall disgust with other people in general, constantly finding fault.  Take a chance and stop... find something nice to say about each person you come in contact with instead of thinking the normal insulting thing.  Trust me, it's better than feeling miserable about others.  It takes practice, none of us are born positive... no one is naturally positive, it takes work!! Think something nice, give a compliment now and then.  Above all find atleast 3 things to thank God for each day, no matter what it is... it could be something in nature, in people, in possession, musical.  Thankfulness has added a ton of joy to my life and extinguished a lot of my pain.  Ann VosKamp has a monthly printable list of specific broad titles to give thanks for example  "find 3 gifts musical" to thank God for was yesterday's www.aholyexperience.com.  Don't let the enemy take you down, even if the explosion or implosion is less dramatic than homicide or suicide ... down is still down & each person's bottom is different (obviously). Go up with God... thank Him for the little things & find something nice to say about others.  Each of us were created by Him and none of us are perfect.  Even if the very few belong in prison after following the road to sheer hate, leaving many lifeless with families mourning & their country lifting them up in prayer and condolence. My heart goes out to the victims' families. <3

favorites?

What's your favorite verse?  Here's are a few of mine.

Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Deuteronomy31:8, "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

2 Corinthians 1:3-4, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God"

time & satisfaction

Time is so valuable. It flits away like the wind, blowing and moving through trees, vanishing away. Why have I spent so much of it on nothing valuable at all?  Why do I still want to?
People are more valuable than time.  Humanity is meant for eternity, we are meant for God.  Building relationships with each other is by and far the most valuable thing we can do on this planet, right next to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  Relationship building encompasses so much.  It's not only becoming friends with others, loving others.  Loving the unlovable. Giving to the poor &/or needy. Building each other up in Christ. It is the giving of all encompassing love & we are able to give it when we open the gift that Christ first Loved us.
Pulling to move forward into this purpose while still holding on to the backward is just not working out. Its not meant to work out.  1 Corinthians 6:12, "“Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”—but I will not be mastered by anything."  Anything that I want to do more than having a conversation with God, I am mastered by.  Anything that I do when I'm hurting (sad, mad, glad, etc..) that is not spending time with God, I am mastered by. I'll go out on a limb here and say that most of us are probably mastered by something.  It is God's intention to rescue us from the domination in order to give us what we are ultimately seeking... an intimate, secure, trusting, peaceful, loving, consuming relationship with Him.  If we are mastered we have to let go of the things that comfort us, whatever it is we do (especially when we need Him) apart from Him.  Really, this is as simple as blowing 100 bucks on a couple new outfits to cheer us up.  God wants to be the one we go to when we're down. Nothing will make us feel better or more secure apart from Him.  When I've gone to Him first, I've always come out better for it... not that I always have or do.  We're working on that.
I need His passionate Love, His security, His intimacy, His peace, His power, His strength, His compassion, His mercy, His indwelling... I need God.  Each one of us was created to need Him. With out Him we cannot be  satisfied, with Him is total satisfaction.

This is Hope.

I wish Ann VosKamp and I could have a long conversation over iced tea (or coffee... whtever).  It seems like God was showing her some amazing things about life and giving and thankfulness and really being close to Him while she was on a trip to Haiti the last few days (see her blog www.aholyexperience.com).  As I was saying a few days ago, I often feel guilty for the "comfort" my family's life affords us, while there are so many around the world much less down the street living in need. As I've been working on this thankfulness journal, inspired by Ann, I feel guilty as I pen the majority of what I'm thankful for.  Most of them have to do with 'American comfort' or health... luxury.  A lot of time, I can feel embarrassed. 
A couple of days ago I wrote that God was reminding me that He puts each of us in the exact positions we're in for a purpose.  Purpose. Don't feel guilty.  I'm a little more than 1/2 way through reading Ezekiel now and as I've been thinking over some of the things Ann said in her blog yesterday, a few old testament positions came to mind.  God on purpose took His people in and out of captivity. The purpose? To draw people to Himself to show people that He is God.  Throughout Jeremiah and Ezekiel people were doing all kinds of evil things, like killing & eating their own children... They had totally rejected God. God over a lifetime left His people in captivity and then redeemed them.  While they were there the Babylonians, who basically owned them, treated them horribly. Beatings...  And God said He would have His revenge on the Babylonians for treating His people with such contempt. Wow!
My question.  Isn't neglect considered a worse abuse than physical abuse? What we aren't doing to/for people in countries like Haiti (there are so many more suffering) is far worse than what the Babylonians did do to their captives.  Draw your own conclusion.
God did put each of us where we are for a purpose.  He wants us drawn close to Himself, there is nothing greater in this life. Everyone can find something to be thankful for, and a reason to cry out to God for redemption and salvation. We all need Him.  Because of what He has given me and probably you, we can help... we can make a difference!! ... This is the place where I very often get cynical and say/ think something like 'well if their government would just...'   Here's the thing, putting off someone because their family, or government, or church or, or, or... are'nt helping them lumps us in with the unhelpful.  If we can help even 1 person, we've made a difference!

There are so many opportunities in this country to help, whether it is to work in a soup kitchen, food pantry, or homeless shelter, or taking bag lunches to the homeless if you live in a larger city (telling them that Jesus Loves them)... there is a need & we can look to fill it some how.  There are a couple of great international organizations that I've been a part of at some point, they are great! Check them out for yourself, make a difference! Giving the Love of Christ.
http://www.danitaschildren.org/
http://www.compassion.com/default.htm
http://www.mercyships.org/

Whether horribly poor of filthy rich, everyone needs the Love of Christ!! He already Loves us, & many believers have been hoarding it far too long.  God Loves you right where you are.  John 3:16-17, "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.  God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him."  This is hope.

another choice

I know several really amazing prayer warriors. I mean the kind who can be praying for someone and feel led by the Holy Spirit to pray in specific ways.  Maybe you have that kind of prayer life, but I haven't quite gotten there. 
I am so thankful to have been discipled as a young Christian.  I had a couple of really good friends who helped me understand the "new in me" on top of being a new student at a Christian school giving me Bible knowledge.  I heard a lot of group prayers like "God be with that person, and please help this one, or please heal this one", but nothing too in depth. 
Over the past few months, I've done a lot of praying for me trying to settle back in a good relationship with God.  I have prayed for friends here and there upon request, but my prayer life took a turn this morning, a turn for the better. I started going through everyone I could think of like I used to.  This is good in theory, but what I know is that God wants a deeply intimate relationship with us and praying for people in the manner I used to is not even remotely intimate.  Can you imagine talking to your best friend about a family member you're concerned about and only saying "I hope things work out for such and such" and nothing more?  Really... that would be such an awkward non-conversation!   How about talking to God like He is my best friend?  Talking to Him about each person, telling Him all about them and the details ... this creates intimacy!! I went there this morning and its really awesome.
It is a choice to be intimate with someone.. a choice.  God accepts us as we are... We can talk to Him about deeply personal happy or painful emotions (He created both), we can talk to Him about the details of others in our lives, we can ask for anything.  He is with us and He is for us! Get intimate. Make the choice!

choice

Today Nathan was playing with this little battery operated phone just before bath time & wanted to take it in the water.  I knew it would break in the water so I put it aside & he flipped out.  Thankfully he got distracted with something else momentarily and got out after quickly bathing.  He had the phone in his hand for a couple hours after that.   He is not even 3 yet so I obviously didn't give Him a choice.
God always gives us a choice, but sometimes because of our choices that proverbial phone we love so much won't work for long.  Maybe we think 'ohhh... that bad consequence won't happen to me'  we know the consequence to our actions and we take the risk anyway.  I'm sure Nathan would've risked his phone breaking today if he had had the choice & then what?  When we're upset because life isn't working out we can most often blame our choices.

I was praying about something last night, about a specific choice.  I was praying about my health choices last night and God reminded me that ""Everything is permissible for me--but not everything is beneficial" this was the only part of the verse recalled to me, but here is what 1 Corinthians 6:12 says, ""Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything" (NIV).  There are so many things we can do, but what will unhealthy choices profit us?  I don't just mean physically unhealthy, I mean spiritually, emotionally, & physically unhealthy...   Then verse 13 reads, "“Food for the stomach and the stomach for food”—but God will destroy them both." (NIV).  Basically God was saying to me in prayer, 'eat what you want, but know that some things are not beneficial... some food will damage your body. Its your choice.'  Does type 2 diabetes run in my family? yep.  Heart disease? yep. Is that a sign for me to eat healthy? yep.  Do I judge someone who can drink nothing but soda everyday? nope. "Everything is permissible..."  But let none of us be mastered by anything other than Christ!  If I am mastered by something I have no control over it whatsoever.  Keep a watch on that.  If God asked you to stop something today, would you be able to? If not you are mastered by it. Or what if He asked you to go and do _____? If you wouldn't or couldn't, you may be mastered by something other than Him. Check yourself, I certainly have over the past few months... when doing the checking do it in prayer with God, He knows you better than you know yourself.  Self assessment always leads me to more self centeredness, more self hate which ultimately leads me to see myself in a skewed light. God's light is right, mine is dark.

This is Serious. (pt2)

Whatever it is that keeps us from praying keeps us from the very essence of life.  It keeps us from the life giver, the life sustainer.  The thing(s) that keeps us, keeps us in bondage.  It is literally killing us to be outside of prayer, outside of intimacy with God.  Whatever is keeping us wants us dead, while we are searching, searching, searching for the answer to life, to living peacefully at heart. The answer is always God... go through Jesus Christ to gain intimacy with the Savior and Creator of the Universe. Prayer sustains us, it is the essence of life... Christ is life.  Maybe this is why God is so serious in His holy Love for us, because we are literally killing ourselves apart from Him.  Life in Christ is the only satisfying source...
Life cannot be found in a screen
Life cannot be found in food
Life cannot be found in a bottle
Life cannot be found in a drug
Life cannot be found in appearance
Life cannot be found in acknowledgment
Life cannot be found in applause
Life cannot be found in the best clothes, toys, electronics...
Life cannot be found in a life of ease
Life cannot be found in success
Life cannot be found in athletic ability or winning a spelling bee
Life cannot be found in anything apart from Christ!
Intimacy with Christ is everything for us. In that intimacy He brings peace that passes understanding; healing from anger, malice, greed, unforgiveness, hate, jealousy, just to name a few; He brings saving power into our lives; He gives us life eternal... Prayer, intimacy with God, is the very essence of life and it is free and readily available to anyone who is willing.  Why do we let ourselves be kept from life? This IS SERIOUS! Stop dieing, start living. Pray.

serious

Reading through the books of the prophets today; finished Jeremiah, read Lamentations, and am midway through Ezekiel. I'm getting the distinct impression that God in his holiness and all consuming Love is dead serious. I think for some time now I've embedded myself safely on the forgiveness of God which is a completely solid unmovable foundation, but am so close to the edge its not even funny. Some things just don't seem to be that big of a deal even if God is telling me to do or not to do... The thing is, if He is telling me something He is totally serious even when I am not. He is totally serious even if I'm acting like a little kid reaching for the cookie jar right before a really delicious, healthy, sustaining dinner after being told something better is coming over and over and over. He is serious. Why is He so serious? because He Loves us SO much!!
Several days ago I posted a blog entitled "Get Ready" the verse from Jeremiah 1:17 stood out so clearly to me that day, "Get yourself ready!..." How do you even do that? Last night God told me to tell a friend of mine something... today He told me that is for me too. "Live in today". Today He added as I went deeper into prayer, "live IN today as you picture yourself living when..." me:"oh" "live out today so that when you get to tomorrow you can live in that day when it becomes today..." There is no way I'm gonna get to where God is taking me living today like I lived my todays 5 months ago. Spinnin' tires gets you nowhere fast; nowhere other than more stuck. Stuck & still spinnin like I'm doin something is not the place to be. I want more of God, to be filled completely with Him; there's still baggage in me that needs to go... it's a work in progress, but the only way is to be willing to get my ugly unpacked and God will fill the space with Him with His fruit of the Spirit! The only way is out!
Live in today as if it were "tomorrow"... as for me, when I think of who I want to be lets say 5-10 years from now it's a much different picture than how I've been going about my days the past couple of weeks. This conversation with God reminds me of a quote I suddenly remember from my direct sales days, "act as if you are successful and you will become successful", what I gathered from that a couple years ago is far from what I see is meant by it today. Whats going on in the nitty gritty of my daily life is important to where God is taking me, it is important to the who I am becoming. Ask God how He wants you to live in today, how to live it out... He wants to work a miracle in and through you, will you let Him?
Wrapping up in the all consuming, serious, powerful love of God & committing now to live today out exactly how God wants today lived & being more serious about it rather than trying to get away with pittly things here and there. Taking God seriously.
Just to be clear, I'm not taking a legalistic stance here!! I'm simply talking about being obediently led by the Spirit! Of course that entails obedience to the Word... That is loving obedience which is sometimes imperfect rather than legalistic obedience which is perfectionistic, and becomes self centered.

lyrics circling my mind today

Kari Jobe has got to be my favorite Christians recording artist! Every one of her songs hits home for me, this one has been going through my mind today for some reason. If you do a quick youtube or google search for it you'll be able to find the video! While you're there listen to some of her other songs, they are rich with the Word of God.

Lyrics to "We Are" by Kari Jobe:

Every secret, every shame
Every fear, every pain
Live inside the dark
But that's not who we are
We are children of the day

So wake up sleeper, lift your head
We were meant for more than this
Fight the shadows conquer death
Make the most of the time we have left

Chorus:
We are the light of the world
We are the city on a hill
We are the light of the world
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine
We are the light of the world
We are the city on a hill
We are the light of the world
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine
Let the light shine, let the light shine


We are called to the spread the news
Tell the world the simple truth
Jesus came to save, there's freedom in His Name
So let His love break through

Bridge:
We are the light, We are the light, We are the light
So let your light shine brighter
We are the light, We are the light, We are the light
Jesus
You are the light, You are the light, You are the light
We will lift You higher
Shine, Shine, Shine

Chorus

Let the light shine, let the light shine

cupcakes

I made cupcakes tonight.  The horribly delicious kind that are even better not shared.  In December I made them and ate 6 or more in 1 day.  I ate 1 today and felt sick from the sugar high. ONE.  I've said before how my physically healthy habits seem so parallel to my spiritual health, and I noticed it again tonight.
That 1 cupcake did taste good but it wasn't nearly as good as it was in December.  It's nice to have a cupcake now and then, treats are great! What's important is that we're eating healthy regularly so that our bodies get the nutrition they need to function and not fall apart due to diet induced stress.  Time is an important commodity like food; at the end of life you can tell how it was used.
Time is the essence of life and if I give it to God He will direct it so that it is whole, but if I waste it away only indulging in treats then I will give away my very life to indulgence. In times past most of my days consisted of indulgence and I can never get that time wasted back, but as Andy Stanley once said, "a little time over time redeems time."  I think this is partly why God is teaching me to live regimented rather than going all out in one thing at a time.   It's funny, toward the end of each of my pregnancies when it started to become  real that a baby was coming that nesting instinct kicked in.  I used to think that it was in preparation for the baby, but really it is preparation for Mommy to hold the baby round the clock for the next 6 months.  Big projects just don't get done with a new baby in the house. When I was 39 wks preggo with Amelia it suddenly kicked in and I was painting window frames in a house we had been living in for nearly 2 years & then putting up curtains & then...  It's like this binge of getting it all done because nothing will get done soon enough.  My normal life just can't work like that, I have to have structure which takes a ton of discipline that I'm having a really hard time finding these last couple of days.  Lack of discipline in structure & what I give my time to, like tonight's cupcake, has started to taste bad and make me feel sick.  I just don't like either anymore, but the pleasurable memory and desire to indulge still pops up sometimes. 
True to confession, my eating habits in the last couple of weeks have not been the most healthy to say the least... I'm kinda tired of feeling physically lousy because of it! I had so much more energy eating healthy meals throughout the day!  bleh! Looking to fix many of my disciplines thrown off due to this new summer schedule. My bounce back takes time sometimes. :) Gettin it together! Somebody come get some cupcakes!

reach

Ephesians 3:16-21
16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. 

 

This is a passage that stood out to me in the last couple of days, but on another note. I want to write more something different. I'm turning some things over in my mind tonight, mainly guilt for "having" earthly pleasure, luxury.  I'm so thankful for all that God has given me, our family... still there are so many in the world going with out.  I'm not sure how to enjoy with that knowledge. Am I truly thankful? Considering. Asking God.  I feel so undeserving. Searching for truthful answers. 

changing the subject back to the verse at hand.

I'm so thankful for His indwelling.  How lovely is your dwelling place oh Lord. <3

It doesn't matter what we have or don't have in the physical world of this earth, it will all pass away.  Only the eternal things will come with us. what is that? Only my soul.  Where will this soul of mine be in eternity?  I will be where ever Jesus is, who is heaven.  To see Him face to face and live with Him forever. What is here on this earth is temporal and we all need Christ to gain eternal life.  This life is temporary... it is preparation for the next life in heaven.  Learning to fully trust and rely on God, on His unshakable love for me. The truth is He gives each of us the specific life we have for specific reasons, he allows things in our lives for specific reasons... whether you live a filthy rich life with out physical want or live under a bridge.  He gives grace to each of us. He offers eternal life with Him to each of us. Eternity makes life on earth look like a single grain of sand in all the sands in existence.  We get a piece of that eternity when Christ moves in, and everything changes.  A complete paradigm shift.   I have this life, luxury and all, because Christ wants me to do something specific with it, to share Him... Why feel guilty?  It is a God gift.  hm.  Of course in years past I have not used it as I was supposed to... time to readjust my focus from the temporal to the eternal.  

Thank you God for such a huge paradigm shift, using this simple task of sitting down to type out my thoughts and questions for you... and all the answers start coming out of my finger tips, hearing from you. I understand that I must use my life, the one you gave me, to reach people for You. We each have the specific life we have so that we can reach specific people we come across for eternity, for Christ.  I need to get over myself, how about you?

fireflies!!!

#166. It's Madelyn's birthday and guests are here and it's getting dark and suddenly something tiny lights up in the tree line 100 steps from the door.  Five children barrel out the door, running to the trees yelling enthusiastically "FIREFLIES!!!!"

I'm thankful for every bout of enthusiasm in my children that I get to experience in presence.  I crave them, those bouts.  I love to find things to do for them that urges that excitement out again.  As I thank God for this gift of getting to see my children enthusiastic about fireflies, I ask where my child-like enthusiasm in wonderment has gone.  Is it buried somewhere? Maybe in the laundry- at our house there are full loads daily?  I don't know, maybe just maybe this process of gratefulness of unwrapping all the God gifts is the process in finding wonder and enthusiasm again.  I'm certain that God has given all this to us, everything, in order for us to be enthusiastic. He loves to see it in us, as we love to see it in our children.  Here we are with gifts galore and we act like a spoiled rotten child on Christmas pouting and angry about something not exactly our way when there is so much to be thankful for. The more we give thanks the more we'll have joy, contentment, and enthusiasm... bit by bit its coming. Find something to be thankful for.  Ann VosKamp as a daily list of things to find to be thanful for like books or enthusiasm, its a printable list to hang on your fridge with a contest attached. We can all use this thankfulness journey, that is we all need it.

kicked from the inside

Continuing on from yesterday's post.

"How lovely is Your dwelling place (me)(you) (any born again Christian) oh Lord Almighty" (Psalm 84:17-NIV).

A couple more thoughts I had last night and today while in prayer:

God speaking to me from inside me is like being kicked from the inside by a baby; its no less real than if someone spoke to me or  kicked me from the outside, both are completely miraculous & next to impossible to explain to someone who hasn't experienced them.  Hearing from God is hearing from God even if the hearing isn't heard with the ears attached to my head, but rather the "ears" attached to my soul.

Today I was texting with a dear friend whom I almost always feel the presence of God when we talk.  Nearly all of our conversations are about what God is doing in and around us, I feel so privileged to get to walk with her in Christ.  Anyway, I was thanking God for His presence and He showed me that because He lives in me I am always in His presence, because He is always present.  It is up to me to unwrap that gift and recognize it in every moment, relaxing in Him and not darting to and fro to all of my distractions.

Thank you God for the time today to relax back into you.

your name here

Let's Play connect the dots for a moment, shall we? I was reading in "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore today... and was blown away by God.  So, I so want to connect these dots for all of us!! <3

 
2 Corinthians 4:6-7, "For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us" (NIV).
we are the jars of clay.

1 Corinthians 3:16, "Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?... God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple."

1 Corinthians 6:19, "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in  you, whom you have received from God?"

These verses become true for an individual upon asking (on a soul level) God for forgiveness and salvation, for Him to come into one's heart.  Opening the gift He already freely gave, this is salvation.

Psalm 84:17, "How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD  ALMIGHTY!"

How lovely is ____your name here_____, O LORD ALMIGHTY!!!  aggghhhhh!  Seriously, so long insecurity. :)  I am lovely, you are lovely because Christ lives in you.

intimacy?

So... What is intimacy anyway? I'm probably not really "together" enough to really answer that question, but I think I'm starting to catch on to what it's not.  Beth Moore reviewed a couple of these in her book and they got me thinking...
It's not:
controlling
self-focused
trying to get someone to want me
trying to get someone to be/ do better (BethM)
trying to get someone to make my life better
micro-managing someone
trying to be more important than God to another person
nipping away at someone's convictions like work, family, church, to feel most important. (BethM)
using seduction to gain control (BethM)
feeding on another person's thoughts of me to try to starve out my insecurity
competing to be better than the other person in some way or every way. 

All these things are intimacy destroyers.  I so want my relationships with people and especially with God to be free of all of these things.  I can't truly say I'm close with someone if any of these things are hindering the relationship.  How can I get close to God if I'm after my own way all the time, never consulting Him, never falling in Love with Him enough for Him to make His ways my ways?  Besides that, He knows everything; past, present, & future; why wouldn't I want His ways to become mine? He Loves me enough to sacrifice Himself for me, of course I completely want Him. He is completely trustworthy.  I am confident that when we find our security completely in Christ, we will truly be able to cherish, support, and pray for others (BethM), He will surely create pure intimacy without all the things on the list and those I didn't name hindering it.

challenge

taking a challenge Beth Moore gave on her blog today, a challenge for all of us.  Memorize Psalm 25.  This passage is necessary to know when the enemy is attacking us from every angle, so we can keep a tight grip on God.  The attack doesn't need to be happening now; this passage is good to have in our back pockets when the time comes.  Will you join us?

1To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;

2in you I trust, O my God.

Do not let me be put to shame,

nor let my enemies triumph over me.

3No one whose hope is in you

will ever be put to shame,

but they will be put to shame

who are treacherous without excuse.

4Show me your ways, O Lord,

teach me your paths;

5guide me in your truth and teach me,

for you are God my Savior,

and my hope is in you all day long.

6Remember, O Lord, your great mercy and love,

for they are from of old.

7Remember not the sins of my youth

and my rebellious ways;

according to your love remember me,

for you are good, O Lord.

8Good and upright is the Lord;

therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

9He guides the humble in what is right

and teaches them his way.

10All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful

for those who keep the demands of his covenant.

11For the sake of your name, O Lord,

forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

12Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?

He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.

13He will spend his days in prosperity,

and his descendants will inherit the land.

14The Lord confides in those who fear him;

he makes his covenant known to them.

15My eyes are ever on the Lord,

for only he will release my feet from the snare.

16Turn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted.

17The troubles of my heart have multiplied;

free me from my anguish.

18Look upon my affliction and my distress

and take away all my sins.

19See how my enemies have increased

and how fiercely they hate me!

20Guard my life and rescue me;

let me not be put to shame,

for I take refuge in you.

21May integrity and uprightness protect me,

because my hope is in you.

22Redeem Israel, O God,

from all their troubles!

Get ready.

My closest friends would probably tell you that I'm a "tell it like it is" kind of person. I am in many aspects, but (there's always a but) I am very concerned with not offending anyone, hurting their feelings, and especially concerned with what they might think of me after the fact.  eck.   Of course these are things God is sloughing off too.
I started reading Jeremiah yesterday... and as I started to read the following passage, I felt the Holy Spirit nudge me to pay special attention to the next few words because they are for me in that God is taking me to this place...
Jeremiah 1:17, "Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you.  Do not be terrified by them...... (& vs 19) for I am with you and will rescue you declares the Lord."

It was a strong reminder and confirmation of what God is doing in my heart, that I don't have to be afraid or nervous of what God want me to say or do next. I can have total confidence in Him. The trick is living in Him and always asking seeking confirmation from Him.

overwhelmed.

I don't know about you but it is so easy for me to get completely wrapped up in large (or small) tasks at hand.  This week I've been planning my homeschool year. The girls will be studying Astronomy and have a project to do at least every other week! It's an immersion study.  Like this particular program it is easy for me to get immersed in what I'm doing so much that nothing else can seep in.  I've pretty much done just that this week in my planning venture.  God is teaching me how to regulate my time and be regimented in the segments of my life, rather than straining to achieve the finish line in one segment at a time.  I tend to do the latter.  He keeps reminding me to rest in the regiment of my life; there in lies growth & learning; peace & satisfaction; & depth & insight.  Now if I could just focus on the daily, rather than the finish line-- constantly attempting to move it up in every area of my life.  Its just an added pressure to the perfectionism God is sloughing off of me.  He tells us, ""Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28, NIV).
I'm going to Him. I'm tired of burdening myself with many things including the how in my doing... I am weary of the perfectionism and pressure from hurrying to get this thing & that thing done so then I can finally __________.   If I live regimented & structured I will get to live life & get to be with God rather than living overwhelmed.
Life learning is a hands-on process; I'm so thankful that God's hands are on me shaping me, helping me, making me into who He created me to be.  Daily.

peace

Isaiah 63:8-9, "He said, 'Surely they are my people, sons who will not be false to me'; and so He became their Savior.  In all their distress He too was distressed, and the angel of His presence saved them.  In His love and mercy He redeemed them; He lifted them up and carried them all the days of old."
No one is without "distress" (ie: without need, or sadness, or pain, or grief, etc...) no one. When we are in that place God is there with us.  We are never alone and we can be comforted by Him when we call out for Him to be with us and ask Him for His comfort.  His comfort may be different from what we expect it to be, but it is most definitely the center of peace.

interrupt

As I spent most of the day planning our coming home school year, I came across a C.S. Lewis quote.  "The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's "own," or "real" life.  The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day:  what one calls one's "real life" is a phantom of one's own imagination."  Put that together with yesterday's verse, Romans 8:28, and what do you have?  Everything works out for the good... even interruptions.

details

home school planning is under way, there are so many details to consider: from experiments, to extra books to read on a subject, to field trips, to scheduling, etc... oh and did i mention finding a curriculum for each subject that I think we'll all enjoy? there are details within all those details.  and God is reminding me of how He is in every detail of everything:    Romans 8:28, All things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.     Isaiah 55:9, ""As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Did you notice the All in Romans 8:28? Yes, all things... even the details.  There were so many very specific details that had to work out to meet my husband on Memorial Day wkend 2002 & God used each detail to bring us to the same spot at the same time.  God can use anything & bring good out of it for us.  His ways & thoughts are far superior to ours; He is literally working it all out.  Resting in that thought today so much that I lived in today, not worrying about what I'm doing tomorrow.  I got a ton of home & homeschool prep done! so then again I suppose I did a lot of concerning myself with the future ;) ..... in other news: an update on yesterday's issue...God is continuing to work the perfectionism out of me, I had to stop several times today finding things to give thanks for.  Giving thanks jolts my focus back on the Creator who gave and off of me.  Its a whole lot of failing forward to success. that did say fail-ing. we are going to fail, and with each passing failure we have the opportunity to choose a new path. ... take it.  He has it all under control, He is strong enough to carry us through anything.