showing respect?

Over the years I've read plenty of books &/ or blogs on 'being a godly wife.'  Typically, there will be something that I most definitely need to change how I 'wife' and more often than not I get all discombobulated and the enemy attacks hard.  After this last book I read, which leans very legalistic if you ask me, I had to seek God and just simply ask HIM to show me what it is to be a godly wife to my husband and to correct me when I'm wrong--- right in the moment.
Very often He'll show me what it's not.  I was at a meeting last night and the leader said something about a husband screwing up her diet and thinking about looking for a second one & then proceeded to say how long it took her to train this one so she figures she'd keep him-- all in jest.  She makes snide comments about how pathetic men are every week.  It doesn't matter whether the circle is religious or not, in our culture it seems like there is this underlying joke about how men don't do this or that, and if you want something done right don't ask your man to do it.  And I felt the Holy Spirit tell me deep down in my gut, that this is what being disrespectful toward your husband looks like, even behind his back.  And I felt sick.
Don't talk trash about your husband, to his face or behind his back.  If you need to talk to him about something important-- do, but by no means should we be mean or be a nag.

1 Peter 3, encourages us to be gentle and peaceable (that's the literal translation for quiet).
Proverbs, encourages us not to be argumentative.
Proverbs 31, gives us a glimpse of a godly wife, and tells us that her husband has full confidence in her,  she brings him good & not harm... it further says that he is respected at the city gate--- to which I read between the lines and say that she must be gentle, peaceable, non-argumentative, & there is no way she's talking trash about him behind his back.