Grace

So, I tend to crumble and shirk off responsibilities when I feel like a failure.  It turns out that this is a very "me focused" thing to do. And if I think I might fail at something, I tend to avoid it all together. Of course, the other side of the coin is that when I think I can succeed at something the pitfalls seem non-existent and I bull doze through until a way is made.

The Lord said this to someone in the Bible & pointing out how I am to me last night: "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."

It seems like this whole thing is cyclical-- a hamster wheel of choices.  I'm starting to to realize that when my husband tells me I'm too hard on myself, he's right.  shhh. don't tell him I admitted to that. ;)   The thing is that if I would just focus steadily on the Lord and His leading and not my own abilities, HE would still be shining through all this brokenness & I wouldn't be so concerned about myself.  Now that He lives in me, He shines through me in spite of my short comings...

On her blog today Ann Voskamp quoted Charles Spurgeon:
“I do not admire the term ‘progressive sanctification’, for it is unwarranted by Scripture.
But it is certain that the Christian does grow in grace.
And though his conflict may be as severe in the last day of his life as in the first moment of conversion, yet he does advance in grace —
and all his imperfections and his conflicts within cannot prove that he has not made progress.” 

and she says, "Christianity isn’t about growing good — it’s about growing grace-filled" (www.aholyexperience.com).

And it's slowly occurring to me, this life is not about my feeble efforts, because true success is a life grace-filled... Christ-filled.  The fullness of His fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, & self-control.  This is a life Christ-focused, because my short-comings will always be that grace may about.