fake me..

In salvation, God sets us free from an eternity with out Him.  And in this life there after, He seeks to redeem us, to free us from the carnal.  Right now for me... He is working to set me free of this fear of rejection, from pride, from perfectionism... from "image management" (a term my Christ-sister coined just this wk).  I've recognized a whole list of things in my heart that all boil down to pride. It makes me sad. 
My prayer since I was a very young Christian has been that my life would be a reflection of Christ.  It feels like I'm failing miserably.  But for my life to reflect Christ, it must not be about me at all!!
When it comes right down to it, the One I'm most concerned with pleasing is God and the best way to do that is to constantly run to Him.  To be obedient and run to Him; and when I fail (because I do) to run to Him again.
Managing my image with people will eventually create a fake me.  Perfectionism will only keep me worried what others think of me, constantly frantic, also creating a fake me.  Pride finds self worth in others' missteps, failures, struggle... Pride is competitive, the other person could be doing great, but if I'm even 1 step ahead Pride says I'm better. Pride begs me to create a fake self.  Fear of rejection is the driving force to be fake completely; it nags at us and smothers who we really are... Fear of rejection is the bully that pulverizes us until all we can show for it is an image of someone else.  Well, through Christ, I've got to break free from all of this fake me stuff. Truly, I didn't even recognize the fake at all. What you see is what you get; but I'll hide something to maintain the management of it all in a red hot second. It's been painful to recognize all of this and give it over to God, but the outcome each day is closeness with Christ and there is peace there, where I can be fully me.  And here as you read and I am laid out, completely vulnerable, a huge chunk of all of this insecurity (it's what it all groups into) comes to the surface of my heart to be given over to the Lord.  Thank you for reading, it's truly helped to turn all of this pain over to Him where I've grown in peace with the Lord like never before. <3