we're going on a bear hunt

I've got to say. It is hard to share my failures... to put them all out in the world, like I did yesterday.  Most often I don't feel frustrated by others' "junk"... there are plenty of reasons I did in this instance which are unusual... but there is no real, good excuse.  Frustration builds and leads to pride.  There's no way around it & not one person can escape it!! Every one of us has had to deal with pride.  Ev.er.y.one.  Sharing it; however, pulls hard at my fears of rejection. Like all these people reading this, whoever they are, are never gonna look at me the same. See it's not unusual for people to talk to me about hard life stuff, because I have this premise of everyone has hard life stuff, and I expect people to have it, and so I don't think differently of people after they've confided in me.  That hasn't changed. But sharing my stuff on here, this frustration that brushes against this normal way I have about not thinking differently of people after they confide in me is hard.  It is frustrating to see the potential in someone and watch them struggle through the growth, just as I have been in many areas of my own life for a couple months now.  It's frustrating to watch, but none of us can escape the struggle of growth either... if you think you have come through and the growth doesn't feel like a strangling anymore, then you may have some pride building.  If it's hard & painful to watch someone else grow or even rebel and choose not to grow & frustration is building-- check your heart for pride.
Of course, some of the intense pain of the growth (or rebellion) has much to do with making peace with God and His will in growing us into the beauty that He created us to have. When we make that peace, growth will feel less like a strangling and more like, i don't know, an abrasive exfoliation.  It still hurts, but once we make peace with God in His growing us it feels less like it's going to kill us and we can see the life He's giving us instead. It's important to ask God to show us our pride, because it will be the first thing to take us down. Please keep me humble, Lord.

Remember the book/ song, "We're Going on a Bear Hunt" from elementary years?? Our son Nathan loves it!! In the story "we" come to several obstacles and the line says "we can't go over it, we can't go under it, we've got to go through it". The tramp through the forest, swim through a river, slosh through mud, and several other places to get to the bear & then again to turn and run home.  It's a lesson in life: The only way through it, is through it.  I'm definitely wanting to get through this up rooting of insecurities: fear of rejection, pride, & perfectionism--- gonna get through it.  The journey through it has everything to do with sinking deeper into the grace & love of God.