simply

It's always "fun" when hard truth comes to your attention... it's much like having a cinder block lodged at your head.  Fun... in a not so much fun kinda way. It's the kind of "fun" that makes you want to cry for hours.  I say fun as sarcastically as possible; hard truth is painful.

During some extremely frustrated laments of prayer to God today He pointed out some not so pretty truths in my life. This journey of knowing God more has indeed led me to know Him more, but my intention much of the time has been more "me focused" in that I've been getting closer to Him with the intention of getting clearer direction as soon as possible.  It's His direction I've wanted, of course, but what He wants more than anything is for me to want Him more than His direction.  To want Him more than what it is He can do for me, how He can better my life.  He's already bettered my life by sending His Son, Jesus, for the sins of the world. What more could I ask for?

If I was constantly talking to my husband just to see what I could get out of him, to see what he could do for me; we wouldn't have much of a real relationship. It would be 1 person giving and the other taking constantly.  No relationship can survive long term like this, there has to be change and growth, there has to be giving & receiving from both parties... it's what makes the best relationships tick, including relationship with God.

Repenting. Making Him my priority instead of His agenda for me.  Simply to know Him, is everything.