Grow Up

Judgmental.
Prideful.
Self-Righteous.

Through a series of circumstances the Lord showed me that I'm still judgmental.  I've been devastated all day. I feel very protective over people who tend to get badgered because of their 'sin' & I think because I am protective in that area I thought I was that way for all people.  I used to be that way for all people, no one is perfect we all have our junk, my close friends have heard me say that plenty.  I thought I was giving word of caution last week to my closest friend about someone when in fact I was being completely judgmental. She knew I was wrong about that person.  A couple days later God showed me how wrong I was.  Then today, He pointed out to me my judgmental heart. sigh.  I used to notice wonderful qualities about everyone I came in contact with and was always ready with a compliment.  I could barely walk through Target today without thinking something 'ugly' about different people I passed.  God pointed it out every single time. Devastation.

I think I was devastated because of my pride. I think I'm doing good now and really I'm doing a heck of a lot better than I was 3 months ago.  Even when I don't recognize the junk in my life its still there, just as much as when I do recognize it.  The thing is when I recognize it I can choose to turn it over to God and let Him fix the issue, infusing the fruit of the Spirit in its place.

I had no clue I was self-righteous.  uuuugggghhhhh.  devastation. I told said friend about my judgmental attitude today and told her that I asked the Lord for forgiveness and told her how sad I am about it all.  She is so mindful of God and wise in Him & of course she does not realize this about herself.  Anyway, I'm just gonna quote her text to me, "All our righteousness comes from Him so we have no reason to be surprised when our humanity is less than perfect, but thankful He is revealing it so we can expose it to His righteousness!"  As my heart settled into that truth, I remembered that God LOVES me unconditionally.  He LOVES me exactly the same in every single circumstance: He Loves me when I know what my issues are and I feel terrible & He loves me when I am blind to my issues, He Loves me as if I were absolutely perfect in every way which is an impossibility.  He Loves me the same no matter what.  In my mind I live like I have to earn His Love and any and all of His other blessings & once I'm on the right track I get to thinking I'm good to earn them; which is all a lie that the enemy wants me to believe.  Its all just self-righteous thinking as if I could be righteous at all.  My inability to become righteous is why God gives it as a free gift after He gives His FREE gift of salvation when we've asked on the soul level.  I cannot be righteous apart from Him.  Only He is righteous.

He carries me daily, even when its painful and right now He is helping me to "grow up" in Him. I think it goes without saying that I want Him to purge this crap out of me, even if it hurts!!  Carried.