Sinking In

When I was a child, it was very very easy for someone to hurt my feelings.  Did I say very easy? VERY! I was so tender hearted, but by high school I toughened up some and started taking things less personally.  I don’t think I’ve ever stopped hating being corrected; it just makes me feel stupid or like someone thinks I’m stupid.  If I feel stupid because of it, my feelings will probably be hurt, which is mainly due to childhood bullying.  If someone publicly corrects me, it will automatically make me think they’re trying to make me look stupid which I resent and it is 1 of the few things that makes me angry. In my early 20s this was a HUGE problem for me; I think I’m at the point now that private, loving correction would be welcomed (public correction will probably always tick me off).  I actually do want to know if I could be doing something more efficiently or if I was flat out wrong, just privately so I can make the correction needed without further embarrassment of being wrong to begin with.  In my early 20s; however, this was not the case. Back then I desperately wanted approval (DESPERATELY) and I became a bit of a perfectionist. If I was going to bother with anything it would only be something I thought I could do and do well; everything else went out the window.   When it came time for God to correct me for something that I thought was major, I panicked and ran in the opposite direction, just like I did with people.  First off, every sin is the same in the eyes of God. Second, once we’re “saved” God sees us as we were, as we are (washed in the saving power of Jesus Christ), and as we will become.  Third, the only reason God corrects us at all is because He Loves us!!


Proverbs 3: 11-12, "My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in" (NIV).  I used to read verses like this and think that discipline meant something like corporal punishment.   Maybe there is a time and place for that; however, punishment is not the only form of discipline.  I'm sure, like any loving parent, punishment is the form of discipline God least likes to use.  According to dictionary.com, discipline is defined as 1) training to act according to rules, 2) activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill, 3) punishment inflicted by way of correction or training, 4) the rigor or training effect of experience."  One way I choose to discipline my children is by training them.  When each child is coming into toddlerhood I'll set up an object on the floor in front of him/ her that he's not allowed to have and each time he reaches for it I'll move his hand away and say "no no." It has worked well with the oldest 3 of my children (its almost Amelia's turn).  It's pretty cool to have a toddler just walking who will move his hand away from something when I say "no no".  I think God disciplines us by training us as well, I talk a little about how He's done that in my life in the post "Moving In," but how he does it is different for each of us because of what He is doing in us.  No matter what, He is disciplining because of His great Love for us.  That doesn’t necessarily mean its not uncomfortable, but it does mean that its happening for a purpose.  I need my toddlers to respond quickly to me saying “no no”... it has kept them from little things like going into cabinets they’re not allowed in to more important things like touching a hot stove.  God’s correction keeps us safe from things we don’t realize are dangerous; like a parent to a toddler, God’s perspective is much much broader that ours!  It seems like this is a more difficult place to sink into God’s all consuming Love, just like my 10 month old who throws a fit when she can’t do what she thinks she wants to do.  Difficult or not, sinking in is what I’m gonna do because its gonna get me to where He wants me to be!! Carried daily.