blessings.

The further I read into "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore the more I see that every single person on the face of the earth has some kind of issue with insecurity, whether major or mini.  According to Beth, there are several roots to it, I have 4 of the 6 or 7 she names. Lovely. Sarcasm.  Perfectionism is insecurity in overdrive,  I have pride issues too, I'm sensitive or I was before I built a huge wall around myself after childhood "trauma", and I have a learning disability & recently diagnosed ADD.  It's fairly obvious how most of these stack up to insecurity, I never thought that pride would fit in there.  Pride is tricky because when I don't live up to my own standards of myself I have easily ended up with suicidal thoughts or at least will be really hard on myself & I've recently realized how competitive I am and really want to be the best at something. UGH! it does nothing but create a superiority complex. double ugh! When I read the traits that I carry earlier I was disgusted, like taking a sip of cooking oil thinking it was tea.  Then I took a huge step back from myself and a step toward God and simply asked for forgiveness for my pride, as I prayed pride kept trying to overthrow the prayer with excusses and really there are none & God knows it all anyway. So after I muddled through that God conversation I received forgiveness and it was super freeing.  He has already purged a little of this issue out, maybe a lot, I'm not sure really. I'm just happy to be getting rid of it, insecurity and all the roots beneath need be pulled out!!  The truth of the matter is that God yearns to reveal our significance and purpose to each of us which is why we struggle with superiority in the first place.  God made each of us with a special purpose and an immense amount of significance, we need  to ask to be guided into this and He will take us there.

I "accidently" ran into Isaiah 40:31 again tonight, "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" (NIV).  Remember, the KJV reads "wait" instead of "hope".  My hope is in the Lord for Him to change me, I wait on Him to change me from the inside out.   Then I will mount up and the glory is all about Him.  How glorious He is.  Waiting daily in praise and thanksgiving.  He wants to bless us, to surprise & excite us, to have an intimate relationship with us.  Today, I took my girls and niece to get icecream as a surprise, it was so much fun to give them something fun!!  When they're throwing fits about what they want and can't have doing something fun like that is not on the priority list, a punishment maybe but not icecream treats!! The punishment makes it so they recognize themselves and will act appropriately, strengthening our relationship, & then it is easy and fun and a priority to reward them. God works this way. He so wants to have a good time with us, but how much of a good time can you have with whinny, ingrates?  The more thankful we are the closer we'll get to Him, the more intimate we'll be able to be with Him, and the more we'll recognize and fully receive His many many, temporal and eternal blessings.

I feel so thankful for a God who is willing to work with us to get us to intimacy with Him and significance in Him. Blessed beyond belief.  Its all blessing.