God's Currency

I cannot move forward in my perfectionistic insecurity & also walk in the will of God! It's impossible. Insecurity is made of up of self thinking & me-centeredness while security in Christ is in itself Christ-centeredness.  If I am to become God focused rather than me focused I must allow the sloughing away of these perfectionistic insecurities, be willing to it. It is painful. It is necessary.  I cannot be made into the person He created me to be without this washing away of self.

In "One Thousand Gifts" Ann Voskamp quotes Dorothy Sayers, "whenever man is made the centre of things, he becomes the storm-centre of trouble.  The moment you think of serving people, you begin to have a notion that other people owe you something for your pains... You will begin to bargain for reward, to angle for applause."  Ann quotes Mother Theresa, "The work we do is only our love for Jesus in action... If we pray the work... if we do it to Jesus, if we do it for Jesus, if we do it with Jesus... That's what makes us content."   Again she quotes Matthew 20:28 (MSG), "That is what the Son of Man has done: He came to serve, not be served-- and then to give away his life in exchange for the many who are held hostage." and Hebrews 13:6, "The Lord is my helper." She says, "Eucharisteo has taught me to trust that there is always enough God.  He has no end. He calls us to serve, and it is Him whom we serve, but He, very God, kneels down to serve us as we serve... God extravagantly pays back everything we give away and exactly in the currency that is not of this world but the one we yearn for: Joy in Him."

As Solomon insists in Ecclesiates, all things are meaningless apart from God, all things are vain when God is not in them.  Sure we can enjoy our work, but with God things are grander than they are otherwise and they mean something in eternity not only in this whisper of a life.  There is absolutely no way I'll be able to do the things He wants of me and continue to be concerned with other's disapproval or rejection.

I feel like I've just had this huge Aha! moment.  Lord please continue to drain and rinse this perfectionism for others out of me, replacing it with a true love and willingness to be filled by you and used by you.  Please fix me.  Carry me.