the most

I hid away in the bathroom today. Praying. Searching for a few minutes of uninterrupted time with God. Searching for God.  His voice got drowned out by my own in the past couple or few days, I'm not sure which.  His voice got drowned out by all my insecurities about myself, what other's might think, trying to say the 'right' thing, etc...  He answered very quietly to my heart telling me that these things are being purged out so that I can learn to fully rely on Him & learn how to drop all the garble going on in my mind so that I can hear Him.
Oh.
I hadn't seen what He was telling me.  He said that my insecurities will absolutely keep me from accomplishing the things He wants for me in that I would not be completely relying on Him.  Insecurity makes other people & myself more important than God... He is most important. I am second. Others are third and in a particular order.  It all seems to blend and mesh even when they are in the best order.  I don't want to keep caring so much what another person thinks of me that Christ gets washed away in the flood of my insecurity. I want to care so much what Christ thinks that it is obvious and He is honored, which bottom line is the most loving and caring thing to do for every relationship in my life.